The Mental Health Check-In We Can't Avoid

We start with hilarious travel talk and end up doing the kind of honest mental health check-in many of us keep putting off. We name what’s heavy, what helps us cope, and what we’re proud of surviving right now without pretending everything is fine. 
• Spirit Airlines shutdown reactions and what budget travel stress looks like 
• Frontier flight horror stories and why “cheap” can feel expensive 
• big family moments and the pressure of showing up 
• guilty pleasures as real coping tools, from comfort rewatches to ambient videos 
• why predictability calms anxiety and how we each self-soothe 
• a mental health check-in sparked by a real conversation about needing community 
• loneliness, burnout, and balancing work with creative goals 
• depression framed as a signal and a prompt to ask what is missing 
• boundaries that protect energy, like leaving work on time 
• rating day-to-day happiness and naming what’s sitting heavy 
• what it means to say “I’m good” while you’re struggling 
• one thing we’re proud of making it through right now 

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Transcript

Warm Open And Show Kickoff

SPEAKER_05 0:04

Oh you got your micro bone You got your mic set up.

SPEAKER_07 0:10

I can't get it. I got the I I got the adapter. I can't.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

You gotta get your groove on. You gotta get your groove on. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 0:23

Hey guys, hey guys, hey guys. What? Gotta get your groove on. Oh my god. Okay, wait. Alright. Alright, let me move this back because I feel like I'm like, oh no no.

unknown 0:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 0:33

You ready?

SPEAKER_01 0:35

Gotta get your groove on. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 0:39

I know. Wait. Now I see. I don't want that to be it.

SPEAKER_01 0:43

But it's like I feel the same way about it as like when Martin was doing it. Like he kept like, every time they tried to move on, you're gotta get your groove on.

SPEAKER_05 0:54

Because the Martel Jordan, that's right. That's where that's from. All right. I can go ahead. It's the way Blair's about to like blurt it out.

SPEAKER_07 1:10

We'll see. We'll see. We know what's about to happen.

SPEAKER_05 1:15

I don't know what it is, but I just love being black. DJ here.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

What up, Doe? It's your girl Blair. You know, Mel Melanin was popping yesterday.

SPEAKER_07 1:23

It's popping today, and it's showing up gonna be popping tomorrow. It's your boy Red, and you're listening to the Highly Melanated Podcast.

SPEAKER_05 1:42

Hey guys, hey guys, hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of Highly Melanated Podcast. The safe space where it's okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:50

To get your groove on. I'll let that be. Gotta get your groove on.

SPEAKER_05 1:58

If somebody was getting their groove on shit, it would be, I guess, a safe space to do that. PJ is PJ is somewhat relieved. I'll leave that open-ended for that.

SPEAKER_06 2:18

Okay. Red is slightly stressed out, but mercy.

SPEAKER_01 2:28

Blair is enjoying her vocal stims.

RIP Spirit Airlines And The Rumors

SPEAKER_05 2:39

One of my new vocal stims is, you know, we'll talk about this as we go on. But is the uh R.I.P. y'all. Rest in peace to um the one, the only spirit airlines. Uh we have not recorded it in a little bit. And I had just seen the video of the lady sitting there talking. She was doing her speaker, and she was like, You said you would never fly spirit airlines.

SPEAKER_03 3:10

And yet, here you sit.

SPEAKER_00 3:20

Anywhere in our blades. There's no pillows and there's no blanket. Anywhere underneath everybody get to know your neighbor. We don't think we don't take it. We don't take it. You're gonna be here. We knew you did that.

SPEAKER_05 3:59

For like a week that was my vocal stem. And then next thing you know.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

That is it's just it's such devastating news.

SPEAKER_05 4:07

Cause me and Spirit was real cool.

SPEAKER_01 4:09

Okay. Ba ba ba.

SPEAKER_05 4:12

I just want to say that I'm so happy because y'all know I'm going to Tulsa this weekend. I am so happy that I didn't book it with Spirit like my sister told me to.

SPEAKER_01 4:21

Ooh. That would have that would have been a burn. Yeah, that would have been a problem.

SPEAKER_05 4:25

That would have been a major. Because they don't, they're not, they were no refunds, right? Once you purchase it and they're gone, it's like no place to get your money back.

SPEAKER_01 4:31

Well, you can call people cancel it and get the points.

SPEAKER_07 4:37

Yeah, they they were they were trying to figure out ways, and then some airlines actually uh picked up the bill. They said, all right, let's try and work out things. So there were things that they were trying to accommodate people, but it was just devastating between the customers and then the you know, whoever worked for Spirit Airlines, 17,000 people laid on.

SPEAKER_01 4:58

Isn't that crazy?

SPEAKER_05 4:59

Yeah. But I'm telling you, they like you so you saw one of the reasons why that happened.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

No, I didn't.

SPEAKER_05 5:08

So allegedly, uh the Agent Orange, uh, I think I don't want to hear nothing about him. That's right, it's not like never mind, never mind. Never mind. I don't want to hear nothing about him. But this is actually Spirit standing on standing on business. Like they were trying to, I think, uh, take over spirit or like buy spirit in a way, so then they can use their planes to convert them to military planes. And spirit said, you know what, goodbye. And just shut down.

SPEAKER_07 5:39

That's just well they're well also, I mean, I I don't I don't know if I heard that, but I can't sit here and say if that that's that's that's one of the things in the rumor mill.

SPEAKER_05 5:49

I will I will go the way Kamet is just looking at the back.

SPEAKER_07 5:53

He's he's looking around because he's never been sitting right here, so he's like, what is all this over?

SPEAKER_05 5:59

And you don't have your ear ear earphones in, so he can hear us.

SPEAKER_07 6:02

Hey Kamet. No, he can't hear because I have my ear, I got my head set in. Okay, but um I don't I don't know, I didn't hear that, but I wouldn't put anything past anybody these days. But I do know that their their um their business model wasn't the best, and with the way that everything is changing with inflation and gas prices, it became too expensive.

SPEAKER_01 6:27

So yeah, I heard a lot of the issues was like financial issues, and they had tried to merge with jet blue, and that was kind of like their final attempt to be able to get into the black, but that ended up falling through, and so like they weren't able to so the government was willing the government was willing to buy them out and like take it to that next step, but then he would have to convert majority of their plans to military plans. Man, bump that.

SPEAKER_05 6:58

Okay, listen, I was shut down in a heartbeat. Goodbye.

SPEAKER_01 7:03

I will miss Spirit. Spirit and I were real cool.

SPEAKER_07 7:07

What's crazy about it is that I think I only flew uh flown them once. Uh at a good old time. And um, and so now because I I have another flight that's coming up, and I have to wear to the keyboard. I have to no stupid. I have to I have to use Frontier. So Frontier, you're up to the Oh no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Red, don't do it. It's a time.

SPEAKER_01 7:35

Don't do it. It's time to reconsider, read some literature on the subject.

unknown 7:42

Bring it back.

Frontier Horror Stories And Cheap Flights

SPEAKER_01 7:43

Oh my god. I I so the way that people used to hate on Spirit Air, I never understood why people had hate for Spirit. I understand why people have I am one of the people who have who has hate for Frontier Airlines. That was I flew Frontier once. I will never what was the major problem that you had?

SPEAKER_07 8:06

Let me find out. Where to start?

SPEAKER_01 8:09

There were so many. There were so many. Like, first, like, and and it started like from not even boarding the plane. Like, it started in the airport. Like the line.

SPEAKER_05 8:19

That's how you know it's bad.

SPEAKER_01 8:21

It was it was bad from the second I stepped into the airport. Um, so because I flew Frontier to Puerto Rico um last year, and the lines were crazy, and this is before the whole like imagine like the TSA shutdown, but it was just like with Frontier. Like, I don't understand why that line was so mother effing long, but it was long, it was so long. So get in, and it's it's it's a it's such a hodgepodge of thing. So I was, I was, I swear, everybody else who I was flying with on my flight, I everybody's acting like it was the first time they had ever been on a plane ever. Like ever. But they panicking, everybody like they didn't know what to do, they didn't know how to act, they didn't know where to go, they didn't know nothing. So everybody was just like, it was just such chaotic energy from every single passenger. And I was like, have these people never been on a plane before? Maybe they haven't. I don't know. Maybe this was this course expensive.

SPEAKER_07 9:32

It's quite possible. It's quite possible. But I remember the reason why I booked Frontier, well, because not only because it was cheap, but because I knew that at one point in time, Spirit and Frontier, they were hand in hand. They were working they were working together. So I was Spirit's better.

SPEAKER_05 9:48

Spirit's better. Yeah, they were at the same gate for the most part. Yeah, yeah, right next to each other. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:53

There were the there was the atmosphere, the company I was in, which was frustrating. Um, get on the plane. The leap the seats are like, you know, those like thin plastic lawn chairs that that's what if that's what the seats were, and they piled them bitches in there, okay.

SPEAKER_03 10:17

Baby, I'm so glad. I you're making it in lawn chairs.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

And then it was negative sub-zero 500 degrees. It was freezing. It was freezing. They had the air conditioner on full and complete, utter blast. And I was like, I don't understand, I don't understand why. The only thing I could think as to why they had it so cold in there was because they were trying to restrict everybody's capillaries so that way everybody was lighter to help the plane fly better. So because every if everybody's weight is lighter, then maybe the plane flies better. And that's why they had the air conditioning on full blast. It was freezing, right? It was freezing.

SPEAKER_05 11:03

The SAT word for the day is capillary.

SPEAKER_01 11:07

And then the flight, the the flight attendant, maybe this was just my particular flight, but she was not helping the situation at all. Okay. The flight attendant, for whatever reason, was obsessed with people's garbage. Like obsessed. Like, I'm I'm not, I promise you, I'm not even exaggerating. The entire flight, she walked up and down that alleyway screaming at people to give her their trash. Give me a trash, give me a trash, you! You over there, give it, give me a trash, sir. Sir, I need your trash. I need your trash, give me your trash. Hello, trash, trash goes in every five minutes up and down the aisle.

SPEAKER_05 11:47

I was like She has one job at one.

SPEAKER_01 11:50

And she was doing it. I I w I I I feel like I'm a person who has a lot of patience. My patience was wearing you do paper thin, wafer thin. I I wanted to I wanted to scream. And then the other the other thing that happened. So I these people, these people didn't know each other. At least I didn't think that they did, because they were sitting in like very different like parts of like they were one was like maybe like five aisles up in front of me, and then the other was maybe like seven or eight rows like behind me. But both of these women had children that were flying with them that were over the age of two, but still young children. Because you know, like um, if a child was over the age of two, they had to have their own seat. So they had their own seat and they were in their seat for takeoff, and then sometime at mid-flight, both of these mothers took their kids and like were was holding their child during the flight. The flight attendant went over to them and was like, Okay, we're gonna get ready to land soon. Your child has to be in their seat. Both of these women refused to put their child in the seat. Like, refused, and we're like arguing with the flight attendant about it. Okay, so he had this is a different flight attendant than the one who was obsessed with the trash. He had to keep going back and forth between these two women, telling them to put their child in the seat. And I don't understand, like, nobody has like inside voices, like everybody was screaming at the top of their lungs. So this is how I know that this was the conversation, even though they were five aisles up in front of me and seven rows back behind me. Why can I hear you clear as day talking to these two? It was a lot, it was a lot, and then literally, maybe like two seconds before we touched ground on the runway, they put their kids back in the seats.

SPEAKER_05 13:48

I was I let me tell you the reason why I will never reply Frontier is story two.

SPEAKER_01 13:56

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_05 13:57

Story two. It's not as extreme. I don't I there's there are some things that I do remember. I remember them seats being like the lawn chairs. Don't recline. Recline. And I was coming from Puerto Rico. This is the last, that's how I I was coming from Puerto Rico with uh with Kenyatta and all of them. We had went uh to Puerto Rico. Uh shout out to Kenyatta if y'all don't remember. Kenyatta's been a guest here when we talk about uh black men who travel. Listen to this. The role that we were sitting in. Well, I was on this plane, but the role that, and you're talking about row, like three seats here, three seats there. They only they only had the seatbelt buckle part, like the the clipper. There was nothing for it to fasten into.

SPEAKER_07 14:45

So every Everybody learn, all right. You have to look up, you have to, we have to show you how to make a slipknot, right?

SPEAKER_05 14:51

That's basically it was there was no, I was like, never again.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

Like, ain't no time to teach that. They too busy collecting trash.

SPEAKER_05 15:01

Oh gosh, oh well.

SPEAKER_01 15:02

Oh my god. I I mean, I wish I I hope I hope you have a different experience. But that was I will I will never ever.

SPEAKER_05 15:10

I'm so sorry. I will never terrify, terrified. The slang was shaking, like I've it was shaken. Please, please.

SPEAKER_01 15:17

And then the flight itself, exactly. Like those are all like circumstantial things.

SPEAKER_05 15:21

I mean, I don't I don't have every experience, but like I don't think we have good experiences. I'm so sorry. I think if you if you I think you should Google. I think you should take a look a look at their reviews. We're not trying to wish bad upon. We wish you were a safe flight.

SPEAKER_01 15:34

I I wish you, I I I pray that you get there and safely, there and back safely.

SPEAKER_05 15:39

Are you flying back the same plane, same flight airline?

SPEAKER_01 15:43

Round trip ticket. God bless you.

SPEAKER_07 15:45

Well, you know, so here's another thing. They um because the way that the prices are going up, yeah, well, not only is it hard to find something that makes sense, but they're also canceling certain flights, direct flights. So, like, you know, I know a couple of people that they had to fly from point A to point B, and then it's like now they have to go to Chicago in order to come back down. And so, like, that don't make no sense whatsoever, but they're cutting flights.

SPEAKER_01 16:18

So, uh, I mean I mean, it's also like in Trump's America is not really the best time to be flying anyway.

SPEAKER_05 16:27

So as I'm getting ready to take a flight.

SPEAKER_01 16:31

I mean, but we can't really like avoid it, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_07 16:34

I'm flying Delta Right, so fucking expensive.

SPEAKER_03 16:44

Why it takes a few. We got money. Right.

SPEAKER_07 16:47

What you basically said is that I and the bigger.

SPEAKER_03 16:49

You basically said, I'm rich, bitch. Like, I love Delta. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_07 16:56

I'm flying Delta, I'm not gonna eat for the next month.

Travel Plans And Meeting New Siblings

SPEAKER_05 17:00

I won't. Because that those things were$700. That's crazy. So, but here's the thing I'm going down there to meet the last three of my siblings. So I've never met my my youngest brother. He's graduating high school. Um and so I'm gonna meet him. And this is a surprise. I'm pretty sure they've never heard this podcast before. Um, I know one of my sisters, she does listen, but you know, they they know. Um, so me and his mother and my other sister, we've been coordinated, so I coordinating, so I can so he will have just coordinated.

SPEAKER_03 17:34

Coordinated.

SPEAKER_05 17:35

No, so we they would have just picked up my my sister Kenya and then came back to the house. They gotta give find a reason for them because he just got his license. So it's get some driving practice so to come pick me up. So like I'm I'm excited. This is like my finally I've met all I know all of my troop of siblings, like all double digit of us. So that's how I've been this week. How have you both been? As we were all this national tangent about stuff national was a wrong word to use, but you know what I meant.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

You know, we got there. Uh good. You know, just the same old, same old, start trying to stay busy, and uh I gotta find a way to get this money by tomorrow.

SPEAKER_06 18:25

Yesterday.

SPEAKER_01 18:27

Oh, come on, guys.

SPEAKER_06 18:29

No, no.

SPEAKER_05 18:30

Okay, so is that a movie reference?

SPEAKER_01 18:33

Yes, it's a vocal stem of mine.

SPEAKER_05 18:37

I gotta get this movie by the time.

SPEAKER_01 18:38

I gotta think of a way to get next Friday. Okay. I gotta think of a way to get this money by tomorrow.

SPEAKER_02 18:45

Okay, I gotta.

Movie Quotes And Comedy Beef Talk

SPEAKER_01 18:48

I gotta think of a way to get this money by tomorrow.

SPEAKER_05 18:52

I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 18:53

I gotta think of never mind.

SPEAKER_05 18:56

I gotta tell you.

SPEAKER_01 18:57

I gotta tell our listening audience who knows what I was our listening to our listening audience who knows what I was trying to uh make happen here. I I I appreciate your frustration with me.

SPEAKER_07 19:11

Could you fill us both in, please? Ray, what did he say?

SPEAKER_01 19:14

It's uh so he says, I gotta think of a way to get this money by tomorrow. And the person he's talking to, he says, huh? I gotta think a way to huh. I gotta think of a way to get this money by tomorrow. I'll send it to you.

SPEAKER_06 19:28

Oh, well, I I said I did say huh twice. So I'll send it to you.

SPEAKER_05 19:33

Yeah, because I'm still like I couldn't say he was seeing that. Next Friday was not like I don't know, I'm popular opinion. I'm a Friday person.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

I I I was Friday after next, I think is the funniest one.

SPEAKER_05 19:49

I did like Friday after next. Next Friday after next. Friday after next is when Kat came in, right?

SPEAKER_01 19:55

Yes. Pimp down, pimp 32.

SPEAKER_05 19:59

Back when he was just cat and hat.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 20:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:04

Um, can anybody explain to me if Kevin Hart and Kat Williams had like be for real for real?

SPEAKER_05 20:12

I so I was on my way home watching some YouTube stuff, and I was like, oh, I'll check it out. Because I started watching the roast, and I was just like, I'm gonna sleep.

SPEAKER_07 20:22

The battle of the shorts.

SPEAKER_01 20:24

Is that is that all it is? Like, because I I couldn't I didn't know if it will if it was just like, you know, like they had beef because it was a roast, or if like they had like pre-existing beef and this was like the opportunity to do it.

SPEAKER_07 20:39

I feel like Kat has said something before.

SPEAKER_05 20:42

Kat said something on Shay Shay Show Okay, so yeah, there you go.

SPEAKER_07 20:46

About Kevin Hart?

SPEAKER_05 20:47

Yeah, about what he's had to do. How I I I don't remember exactly what it is because I feel like he said something before. On like, yeah, let's look it up.

SPEAKER_07 20:56

And and I don't know, and I don't remember if it was directed to Kevin Hart, but I think Kat Williams has made the point that like you certainly make too many concessions. Like you can't be okay with everything and then expect everything to change or people expect people to respect you. So I think that's what that was.

SPEAKER_01 21:16

Oh, apparently they did have beef. Yeah, that's why I felt like he's he messaged.

SPEAKER_05 21:23

Yeah, they squashed it apparently.

SPEAKER_01 21:25

Apparently, but yeah, I didn't I didn't know that previously they had issues with each other. But I'm glad that they were able to reconcile.

SPEAKER_07 21:36

This is not funny.

SPEAKER_05 21:37

Ain't no money coming in my pocket. So like they're rich, they're good.

SPEAKER_01 21:42

Yeah, right. Anyway, Red, how are you?

SPEAKER_03 21:46

This is the longest hour hour of how we've been.

SPEAKER_07 21:50

I I'm I'm I'm okay. I I said stress because uh a lot of stuff is happening at work, which I I won't I can't really go into too much detail, but

SPEAKER_05 22:00

More gray hair though.

SPEAKER_07 22:01

So I can I can I mean are you bad because I pointed that out? No, no, that gray hair didn't I you know I got my first gray hair the day I turned 18? Really? The day that I turned 18, I was I remember where I was fucking at. I was in the car with my dad. He was sitting next to me, and I pulled down the mirror to look at something, and there was a freaking gray hair in my fucking in my eyebrow.

SPEAKER_05 22:28

Just you know because gray hairs do whatever the fuck they want.

Guilty Pleasures That Calm The Brain

SPEAKER_07 22:32

Yeah, they be all like middle finger. Um but uh no, so it's just you know, it's just been a lot, a lot of stuff going on with work, a lot of changes, a lot of uh I want to say people not getting along, so I've just been kind of like dealing with that. So but other but other than that, I'm good, you know, trying to find my outlets where I can, which actually brings me to the question of the week. Transition of the week question, your questions as they pertain to you prospectively and introspectively. Uh I don't I feel like I asked this question before, but I want to see if we have any new ones. Uh guilty pleasures.

SPEAKER_05 23:21

All right. Good night, y'all.

SPEAKER_07 23:23

No, no, no, no, no, come back here.

SPEAKER_05 23:27

This is not an episode we listen to, don't judge.

SPEAKER_07 23:29

This is even though I think Yeah, I was about to say I was just like, not that kind of guilty pleasure, but alright.

SPEAKER_01 23:36

Give us an example. What is your what is the guilty pleasure you're looking for us to reveal?

SPEAKER_07 23:41

Well, I guess like how do you take a moment to maybe either escape reality or you know, put everything into perspective for you in your life? So one of the things that I've been kind of like watching an episode here and there recently is the show called One Day My Body. I don't know if you guys ever seen that. What is it on? And it's on uh I believe they I think it's on a couple of platforms, but I think it's TLC. And it basically shows people with unique body issues. So there was this one lady, she's actually the cover of it. She looks really, really, really, really, really old. But she's only like 33. And so she has a particular, you know, I don't know if it's a genetic disorder, I guess, that ages her very quickly. You have somebody else who he is in construction, and the construction, I guess, vehicle that he was in landed on him and severed his whole lower body. Oh wow. Oh my. And so everything.

SPEAKER_05 24:54

So is your guilty pleasure?

SPEAKER_07 24:56

Well, yes, and no. The guilty pleasure, in the sense of like, not that I'm enjoying it, but I like I watch it because I wanna. I'm like, I it interests me to see different people, but it puts into perspective in my mind that I should be a little bit more grateful because you know, there's a lot of people that are out there that are going through a lot. And here I am. I'm upset because Susan is, you know, in front of the goddamn water cooler. And so I've been watching it and just being very grateful and very thankful for the things that I have and the things that I want, you know, wishing the best for a lot of people. So it's but it's interesting to watch other people's lives and other perspectives and how they handle it. So I don't know if you and and that's mine, mine is a little bit more serious. It could be yeah, y'all's can be like anything. Like, what do y'all what do y'all watch to just get your mind off of things?

SPEAKER_05 25:55

So I'll say this. And it's it's it's weird. It's not weird, but like it can be on it can be on for hours and hours, and I would literally watch it. Um, and it's those YouTube videos of like rain or like I I I don't know what it is about. I mean, it's it's relaxing. You'll watch it or listen to it? No, I'll watch it. I fall asleep to I just started falling asleep to the sound of the air conditioner on YouTube because you know I pay for YouTube, so like I don't have commercials, so it'll just play the whole 10-hour video.

SPEAKER_07 26:29

But to but wait, I don't mean to stop you, but to her point, that's a sound. So are you just watching a pitch?

SPEAKER_05 26:34

No, I'm watching it's so no, so it starts off with a like a like a Eulog. It's the face of confusion.

SPEAKER_02 26:43

It's like a ULO.

SPEAKER_05 26:46

No, that's a that's a fireplace one. So like there are ones that are fireplaces, there are ones that have like like you're in space and you're watching just like space, but you're like in your own, like Captain Marvel. Like, remember in Captain Marvel, um, if you both not Captain Marvel, um Marvel, the what the Marvels, whichever one with all three of them. Um they were in that little spaceship. No one ever, no one saw that, right?

SPEAKER_07 27:13

I saw I saw it, I saw it.

SPEAKER_05 27:15

Yeah, so they were in that spaceship, and it's just like the look from space, or like there's some that's just like cabin, and it has just like it's just so relaxing, and like that's a guilty butt. I will stare at that bitch for like an hour before I realize it's been an hour, nothing has changed, nothing has moved, it's just been a fire, some water in the background. That and I like watching this other website about people I like I like Big Brother stuff, so I do watch um certain websites that let you people who have webcams in their home.

SPEAKER_07 27:48

In their home. Home.

SPEAKER_05 27:52

You can take that.

SPEAKER_07 27:55

I wish there, I wish people could see Blair. Blair's folding up her arms like, hmm.

SPEAKER_05 27:59

Yes, weirdo. It's it's it's it's designed for that. Voyeurism. It's very voyeuristic. I'm like, you know, I'm an exhibitionist and I am a voyeur, so I like to watch people. So I like stuff like that, so that's a guilty pleasure of mine.

SPEAKER_07 28:14

Okay. Okay. So that's fine. And I but no, but okay, it's went from from something very bleak to like something a little bit more fun. That's that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:26

It's all right.

SPEAKER_07 28:27

Whatever whatever gets your whatever gets your mind.

SPEAKER_01 28:29

Whatever gets your mind going. I I think for me, um, well, as far as like since we're talking about things that we watch, um, I and I think PJ, you and I have talked about this before, but like I find a lot of comfort in just re-watching shows that I've seen before. Like, I don't venture out and watch a lot of new things, um, like things that are like current and new. Like if it's to me, like watching something new is like watching something that you know is came out years ago, but I just haven't seen it yet. Um, so it's new to me kind of thing. Um but I think oh my god. Are you alive? What the hell?

SPEAKER_03 29:25

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't even catch that epic.

SPEAKER_07 29:33

Catch it. Okay. Yeah, in Brooklyn, that shit is in the Bronx now.

SPEAKER_03 29:40

Um I'm walking away for a second.

SPEAKER_01 29:43

As I was saying, before PJ almost died.

SPEAKER_07 29:50

Um PJ went to go take a burp break. I don't know what that was. Yeah, I don't know what that was.

SPEAKER_01 29:55

I hope he is okay. Um, but I I looked it up because there's a couple of things like with it. Um it's called like the principle of like least least effort. Because like if you know what's going to happen like on the show, then your mind can just relax because it's not like anticipating anything, it's not like you know, um, I know, you know, what is gonna jump out from around the corner, if anything. Um, and it just allows me to just relax, like fully. Um that's also part of the reason like why like if I am watching something new that I haven't seen before, I I I will go online and look up the synopsis of it and read what it is that I'm going to see and then watch it because I like the anxiety of like the surprise, like really like gets to me, and I can't I can't have that. There's only like a couple of times where I've been where I haven't let myself like look up something and see like when I was watching you, like um, that was one that I was like, okay, I'm gonna stay in the moment for this, but like man, like it was I was anxious watching that thing. But um, so just to say, I just started re-watching, I literally put it on yesterday because I was re-watching The Office for the um teenth millionth time. I've watched Fraser more times than I can count. Um, Fraser is but I won't watch the reboot. I have not watched the reboot and I have no plans to watch the reboot. I'll watch it in 10 years. I'll watch it in 10 years. She doesn't care.

SPEAKER_07 31:48

We should put it like on a calendar or a timer. Ten years from now, I'll watch it. Blair needs to watch this in 2036.

SPEAKER_01 31:54

Yep.

SPEAKER_07 31:55

That's when she watched Paradise.

SPEAKER_01 31:57

I think it was the first three episodes.

SPEAKER_07 32:04

It gets really good.

SPEAKER_05 32:05

I watched the first as it came out?

SPEAKER_01 32:07

No.

SPEAKER_05 32:08

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 32:08

Absolutely not. She probably did that yesterday. Yeah. I watched it uh, what is this? May? Like sometime at the end of last year. Um, but I just I just started re-watching uh the uh Family Guy from season one yesterday.

SPEAKER_05 32:29

Ah, okay.

SPEAKER_01 32:30

So I'm like seven or eight episodes in.

SPEAKER_05 32:32

My guilty pleasure will now be trying to get Blair to watch things as they are.

SPEAKER_01 32:38

Good luck. I will you know what? I will say I will say that the one thing that I did just watch that I guess was somewhat current to the time it came out in was um his and hers.

SPEAKER_05 32:52

What is that? It's um Oh, with uh Tessa Thompson?

SPEAKER_01 32:56

Uh-huh. That was good. I enjoyed it. I was anxious watching the whole thing. I I did look it up to see what happened. And you did.

SPEAKER_05 33:07

And see, that's the problem that we have with you. We. I'm telling you bringing him along. Don't don't don't point at me. I did. I had to know.

SPEAKER_01 33:16

No, you don't. I did, I did. I needed to know.

SPEAKER_07 33:19

My little anxious heart couldn't watch it. So so but I'm glad that that we're having this conversation right now because honestly, so maybe the title of guilty pleasure is not the wasn't the best title, but just understanding like what you what your how your brain works.

SPEAKER_05 33:36

If you're like guilty pleasure, I like to watch people who like it.

SPEAKER_01 33:38

I know, I was like guilty pleasure. Like, I couldn't really think of what a guilty pleasure thing is, but everybody started talking about what they watch to relax.

SPEAKER_07 33:44

So yeah, yeah, yeah. I I guess more so just like what do you watch to relax because everybody's brain like works different. So for you, I can understand, Blair. You were just like, I can't deal with not knowing what is going to happen.

SPEAKER_01 33:55

I need I need to know if there's any hope of me watching it, I gotta know.

SPEAKER_03 33:59

I'm like, but you weren't like that when we went to the movies.

SPEAKER_01 34:06

Because so it's more, yeah. She was probably anxious then too. I probably was. But I was like, I got no choice. I gotta get through it.

SPEAKER_03 34:14

You're talking like when we went to see Beyonce, you were fine.

SPEAKER_01 34:18

Well, we think that it's different.

SPEAKER_03 34:21

You know, there was no real plot to that, you know.

SPEAKER_04 34:25

There really wasn't.

SPEAKER_01 34:26

It was sit here and watch these, watch, watch the watch the watch the concert and then get up and twerk in the aisle when Meg came on, and I did.

SPEAKER_05 34:36

And she did, and she did.

SPEAKER_07 34:40

Well, really, I'm not understanding your brain.

SPEAKER_05 34:44

So on the on that note, um, number one, hey y'all. So yeah, once again, you know, we were gonna do this.

SPEAKER_03 34:52

We we we we at this point, I promise you they don't care. They didn't, you know, they you know, but I still want to acknowledge it.

SPEAKER_05 35:01

Hey, we were we were supposed to, but you know, they expect it at this point. They're like, you know what, they'll we know we might just change it to we're gonna drop one episode a month. That's what it seems like. Um, but I wanted to use this time. Well, let's say we wanted to use this time because there is an episode that we uh are going to do. We kind of promised this last week. Um and I just said it and didn't realize it, and I just thought about it because last week, well not last week, the last episode we talked about. We was like, we should do a continuation of this, which is the listen, we listen and don't judge part two. Um, we don't have anything prepared for that.

SPEAKER_01 35:38

So like I was gonna say we can't do that. I ain't got nothing prepared.

Why We Need A Mental Health Check

SPEAKER_05 35:41

We got nothing to do with that. Um, but what I did want to do is that since we are in the month of May, and most of you do know that our podcast is heavily centered around mental health and wellness, um, I just wanted to do a mental health well uh a check-in with us. Like, I think we need to start doing this with our friends, um, doing this around spaces. And here's the reason why I did this. Like, I I thought about this. Um, when I was leaving the school today, uh, I was walking out, um, and I just decided to sit in the in the leave me alone.

SPEAKER_03 36:17

That's what I do.

SPEAKER_05 36:19

Make sure you're okay. Somebody said to me, it looks like I'm time slipping.

SPEAKER_03 36:24

It looks like you're like when Loki was like being.

SPEAKER_01 36:27

It does Loki look like you're glitching a bit.

SPEAKER_03 36:29

I'm sorry, I can't help it.

SPEAKER_05 36:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 36:31

Do you want to talk about glitching instead?

SPEAKER_05 36:33

No. So, but so I so I was, you know, we sat in the I didn't get to do the work that I was supposed to do for the after school because it's just me doing PD for the adults. So I'm teaching teachers how to insert podcasting into their lesson plans as well as like help them create content for the school. Um, so the principal today was out, of course, and no one let me know. So I went all the way over there for no reason. It took us forever to get into the room for when it was in school. After school, there's no kids, it's only the adults. We never got back in the room because the room, once it's closed, it's closed, and we couldn't find the custodian who let me in the first time. So I actually ended up sitting in the guidance counselor's office who's one of the teachers who comes in, or one of the adults that come in after school, and so he's having a conversation with their new dean, right? And this is the high school. Uh the new dean is an old um NC NCAA player, um, as well as he played overseas. So, like, and now he's a dean of a high school. And he we ended up having, like, when I first walked in, I noticed that they were kind of having a private conversation. In his office, he has a little place where the students come in if they're in school suspension or if they just need a place to relax. That's what he uses that space for. So I went in there, so I'm not you know, in their conversation. And then I came out because I heard my name. He's like, you know, I said, I heard my name, somebody said because he was talking about, you know, something that I was saying in reference to needing community. And we stayed for about an hour and a half longer than we should have. Um, but I think everything happens for a reason. And it was like a mental health check-in. Like he has said that he has been starving for a conversation like this with adults. Um, because he doesn't he wants to do so much, but he doesn't know how to, and he's afraid that when people, even though he's been in the front lines and he's he's done all these things, uh, he still gets nervous around people, um, and he doesn't know where that's coming from. And hello, New York, y'all can hear that really loud right now, right?

SPEAKER_07 38:50

Stereo. Full effect.

SPEAKER_05 38:54

This bike, I love it, but it's like um, but it was it was just such a great conversation. And I don't go into too much more detail because that was private. Um, but it was just like important. He as we were walking out, he was like, you know, I don't have friends like this that I can talk to. And he's like, I didn't know you, and I was a little nervous when you came in, but I'm appreciative that you went into the other space. You didn't sit there right with us because I would have buckled up. Um, and the four of us, because it was four people in there at the time, he was just saying that I just I'm starving for conversations like this with my friends or with people I know, and I feel like there's so much that I have going on that I don't talk to people about. And I was just like, you know what? It is time for a mental health check, and we haven't done one of these in quite some time. Um I wanted to see without us telling our business, you know, but like what's going on?

unknown 39:52

Are we are y'all good? Are y'all okay?

SPEAKER_05 39:54

All right, not ASMR. No, but for real, like I think it's important.

SPEAKER_01 40:04

Like, stop that was that was real like tickled something in my brain.

SPEAKER_05 40:16

So I'll I'll I'll say this. I'll start it off. All right. Um I'm I'm much better now, and I'm not talking about like we don't have to get really personal with this, but I think that it's just something that we should do in general. Um I am still very lonely. Um and there are moments where I'm ready to be out there amongst the people. I did say I was gonna be out there amongst the people, and right now I think I'm gonna stay inside. Um, because there was one day I was outside amongst the people and it was too much attention for me. And I don't Chris, you know how I get. I don't like being around, like I like the attention, but I don't like too much of it because it's a little overwhelming. Um and I kind of like as I was walking to the train, I was crying, like in internally, externally, but like, and it was just I I as much as I want to be around people, I just don't. Um and then I like miss us recording, all the other recording podcasts, and all the other stuff that I got going on, it's kind of getting a little overwhelming, and it's kind of like I'm taking on a lot, a lot, a lot. Um, and there's a there's a little center, there's a little piece of it's missing, which is community, which is based in us and things like that.

SPEAKER_01 41:33

So what would satisfy that for you?

SPEAKER_05 41:38

Giggity. Um I don't know, I just had to say that. Um I did you I did.

SPEAKER_07 41:49

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen.

SPEAKER_05 41:51

I think that might satisfy it, to be honest with you. Um because no, I I I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 42:04

Maybe that can be part of like your personal mental health check-in. Is like I think a lot of times we're good at addressing how we're feeling and what's causing it, but we don't necessarily think about what is going to satisfy it, you know. Like, um, I've been talking to a friend of mine who I think she kind of feels the same way. Like she's going like back and forth, like with like some depressive, like kind of feelings. Um she's, you know, kind of like in a transition part of her life where like her job is like really like overwhelming her. But then also she was dating this guy that like that wasn't really going like the best, and you know, she had feelings, and then now they're not really like talking anymore, so she's kind of left feeling like dejected and rejected, you know. Um, and so it's kind of like causing her to like have these, you know, really like sad, like negative feelings. And so I keep trying to remind her about like all like the good, you know, the things that she can feel good about, even though those things aren't going like how she wants them to. But I don't know, I feel like part of it is just taking some time to really think about like what would make me feel better right now, like what could I do to at least in this moment, maybe it's not a long term fix, but like what in this moment is gonna make me, you know, feel better and feel happy. And so, like, I I I've been doing that for myself too, so much so to the point where I made it my um screensaver on my phone.

Depression As Feedback And Burnout

SPEAKER_07 44:00

own you know make time for what makes you happy because I know I go through so much of my day just like checking things off the list you know everything is like check check check check check get this done get that done do this do that and I I need to make sure that I'm taking the time to just do like the little things that like just bring me joy like make me happy and I like I realize that like I do find pleasure in a lot of the little things so like um after getting in from the gym and like getting ready to like take a shower like I really like make that like a like a moment for me like and the thing is it's so simple but like I love just like lighting a candle while I'm in the shower like something about that just makes me so happy I don't know I look over to the left it does make me happy which little first of all you took the place that it is that it was not it was when you said a light I'm not intended to go I know but it was you know I'm triggered you you are triggered maybe you do need a little maybe maybe you know but I yeah like I think like for me like that's how I've been trying to keep my mental health at at a decent level um just making sure that I'm trying to like take small moments to just do small little things that just like oh that brought me a little bit of joy the brass knuckles it brought me joy brass knuckles brought him joy small little moment I don't no here I will get you a pair it's okay I I've I I've got pepper spray I'd rather spray somebody than punch them you won't feel it but I don't want to punch somebody I'd rather spray them and run away she's like I don't want to touch them I don't want to have to make contact with them just as long as you don't fall okay why would I fall anybody who runs away in these movies they always fall so just don't you said run away that's what that's first thing I thought of I'm I'm I'm better than the movies oh gigging I think I think you have it right though Blair um it's about thinking about what really works for you um what what do you feel that you're missing um and doing it in those in those small moments and then hopefully coming up coming across those big nuggets to satisfy or do away with the things that you're having issues with so I watched I I listen watch I listen to this podcast this podcast called Hidden Brain and it's a really good podcast because it what they do is they talk about the way that the human brain works and basically debunking how is contrary to how we think a lot of stuff works with us. The most recent episode that I listened to was one with um actually talking about depression and I guess in a traditional sense uh the thought has been depression is an illness and they're still learning about it. So it could be still some something to that but I think what they were saying is is that that might not be the way to think about it and that you should treat depression like we treat some of the other emotions and feelings that we have like anxiety you know you or you become anxious because you're now concerned or worried about going up on stage or making a good impression to your none of us have that issue. You know, you know well yeah lucky lucky us but well I'm sure we have some other things going on. But um so in that sense depression he was saying might be the the the feeling that we're feeling because we're not fulfilling ourselves we're not doing something that we want to and it's our way it's our body's way of autocorrecting um the ourselves so I want to say like if I if I can be transparent I I have felt bouts of depression um in the recent present um because I'm balancing so much you know I'm trying to work I'm trying to you know make sure that I'm doing stuff in entertainment um you know there's family stuff that that's that's been in and out and going on and so I feel like obligations to all these things and so when I get home after dealing with work after hearing everybody's problems I don't necessarily have the bandwidth to now play the guitar and you know go over my lines in a really good way and and so I feel deficient a lot of times you know um I'm in a show now and I I I I have not really picked up that script in a really good way to say all right I I got it and the rehearsals start next week so it's like when do you have to when do you have to be off book by I mean please don't say next week when you have to be off book um I I won't say what you said so soon. Oh no no not oh no you you can do it we we no no I I I I know that I can but it's like after you did Antigone and it's not that yeah you did get it right Antigone Antigone um and it's not as big so I know that I can do it but it it just think about like how much is is required of you because that means that I now need to once I'm done with you guys I need to now go and go over the lines and do it when I get up and do it while I'm at work on break and then do it. Ha yeah yeah so you know I think um really realizing what that what you're do what you're really missing and then find a way to either do what you're missing or scale back that way you have the time to do it. And that's what I've been doing.

SPEAKER_05 50:39

I've been trying to scale back and see but so scaling back so I love that right however for a person like me scaling back is is kind of detrimental like but then putting on too much is too much. So it's like trying to find this balance because me scaling back is me staying home me not doing any kind of recording um me not doing any kind of editing uh just me just being here by myself and then experiencing the the highs and the lows that I do experience. Right.

SPEAKER_01 51:17

But is that like is that too extreme like when you say scaling back like is there like a way to kind of pull back from everything that you have going on but not fully detached from it? Like is there like a happy medium somewhere?

Scaling Back Without Disappearing

Rating Our Day To Day Happiness

Parents Money Work And Future Worries

SPEAKER_07 51:35

So for me what I do is I know that I can't fully scale back and so what I do is I make compromises and concessions in certain areas. So I'll give you two examples my recent compromise with myself has been you guys know that I go to the gym in the morning what I would like to do is I I need for what my goals are I need to do more cardio. I don't recently I haven't been doing cardio at the gym anymore what I've been doing is I've been walking back home from the gym to go home because and the reason why is because the window is for me time. And so if I instead spend 30 minutes on a treadmill versus 30 minutes walking I not only walk home in 30 minutes and get the exercise but I actually beat the bus by 20 so that's one and then the other one is um the other one that I've been doing is I'm at work my my my work hours is from nine to five it's for me to really say uh it's 5.03 and clock out not stay there and try and be super office worker because the work will the work never ends it it's always there so where am I gonna put my time am I gonna get you know the couple of hours for overtime is that worth it versus me leaving on time and then me having and having more more time for you right all right so let me let's start let's start off here okay so on a scale from one to ten where are you let's go around let's go around let's go around like really uh like what is one and what is ten one one neat meaning like okay I am low ten meaning I am really high low high what energy mood um happiness you know whatever whatever like how are you feeling from a on a scale are we talking about I'm sorry we're getting like really like yaby button no it's just like getting yeah you want to know you want to answer you want to answer right but like what do you mean do you mean like in general or do you mean like like in in in general okay in the specific areas that we're speaking about okay from the scale from one to ten how are you in like your in life in in life and your complacency in in in just oh no but see we gotta pick something else because those are different things okay so on a scale from one to ten as far as like day to day general happiness let's go there are you let's go there yeah day to day general happiness I think I am a I think I want to say I'm a six six seven I'm leaving you I am ending the podcast I deal with middle school kids get out on a scale from one to ten when it comes to general everyday day to day happiness I feel like I'm a seven okay all right so the next question what about you answered I'm at like a five I'm like I'm moving from five to six like it doesn't go too far and it doesn't stay too low.

SPEAKER_01 55:19

So like I am in between so I'm good yeah for me anything lower would be hey you want some milk and cookies you know giggity him downstairs him being in who is him ain't got no name okay okay um let me ask you what's been sitting on your mind heavy this week um my I the mortality of my parents and the responsibility that I have to now uh take over from certain parents because they are unable well they don't I know part of this is me I know I can be a bit of a micromanager um no way but it's a mixture of like a lot of this is like preventative and a lot of this is reactive because I've tried to let said parents you know do this on their own and they have not they have been it's been chit show and I'm tired of the chit show so now I am taking over certain responsibilities in order to selfishly make my life easier because I'm I'm the fall person. I'm the the eldest daughter I'm the responsible the most responsible child I'm the one who uh is the most accessible so everything kind of falls back on me so I'm kind of trying to help myself here what do you mean you just I want to make sure you didn't hear me while I was sitting there coughing by Lugs oh no no you were new I was all like 911 what's your emergency so yes heavy um my mind this week is trying to get these parents right okay um me I mean it's been a couple of different things for me it's um it's funny same thing with parents but I don't know if I'm so much worried about mortality um that's a little bit lower on a scale but definitely finances definitely work um and and definitely like how am I going to expand and grow while while doing all those things like I find myself constantly saying how am I like how can I I wish I could do more.

SPEAKER_07 58:15

That's that's what I find myself saying a lot of and um wish you could do more meaning what what does that mean um in terms of like help helping out and doing things and and helping your parents your family that providing like you know that's been on my mind a lot lately. Because I just don't think most people most families are not set up in a really good way for that and so I think that's where my mind is like trailing off to like you know I'm working but if something was to happen well how do I how do I take care of it? Can I take care of it? Um what what does the future look like for for everybody? You know so yeah which which which doubly frustrates me about work and everything that's going on with work right now because I'm just sitting there like give me a break like you people don't even want to you know grow or do anything stay you know because of everything that's been going on and it's like what is my next move is is coming up a lot.

Family Dynamics And Being The Sensitive One

SPEAKER_01 59:33

All right so the next question is because we're not answering any of these questions I just don't want to talk about it.

SPEAKER_05 59:44

No it's so funny that you would mention this because okay so for me this week as a me coming when it comes to parents or the last parent I have left I'm realizing more and more that it's never going to be about me um and I have to be okay with that like I have to just like never really wonder if my mother's ever going to ask hey how are you doing and leave it there and not talk about her for 45 minutes before we get back to me. And like I love like like I'll say this a million times I think me and Blair feel the same way the relationship that you have with your parents Chris is is to die for like it is it's amazing I would I would love to have I would I would give my left foot for a metal one. But I I'd give it to hop a route but like for what you have with your parents like I I I wouldn't I I I wish I had that and there are moments like I was just telling my mom that you know I'm about to go on this trip and she's like oh okay well I'll be coming back to Niagara Falls soon and I have I'm gonna have a really great time like wow I'm about to tell I tell you I'm about to meet my brothers and sisters like the last ones and it's just there are just things that just don't register her to that shows that she's genuinely interested in me which makes me not want to open up to anyone because if the one person I should be able to open up to can't like receive it and then reciprocate some kind of like or not reciprocate but just give some kind of like genuine concern or care. When and not even just about that but it makes me just like keep to myself and keep all the stress to myself and keep everything. So like there are people in my family who do that but I would love it from my mama. You know we had Mother's Day and like you know and it's just like I kind of didn't want to call her but I did and it's only because if I know that this day is specifically about mothers but it's every day is Mother's Day when it's talking to her because it's always just about her. So it's like never about me and I be having some sad sad as you go you know moments and it's just like I can't talk to her about that. It makes it makes it worse for me.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:02

You know and I can't tell her this sometimes I wouldn't love to and then she'll why are you attacking me I'm like never you talk just never mind yep never well I mean if it makes you feel any better I mean it it probably won't doesn't it but knowing Don't you dare sit here and tell me that your mother does any of this though because your mother does it I'm sorry go ahead no she she does other things but don't freaking um and in in knowing that that you guys say that and other people have told both me and my sister that it doesn't help our anxiety on how to best make sure that they're okay and taking care of them. Yeah so it so it so it works in the opposite way I'm sitting there like oh my god I'm a terrible individual because I'm not doing X, Y, and Z. And um it it it sucks because and I think I mentioned this on a podcast a while ago you know one of the episodes going back a while ago both me and my sister have talked about it. We're gonna be in shambles I'm letting you guys know right now letting you know you gotta you you have to know this I'm going to be a fucking hot mess and I don't know how long it's gonna take for us to recover.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:20

And so um you know I I I get really anxious that I'm not doing enough or you know the right things to make sure that everything is in order do you feel like having more open and candid convers conversations with your parents about the things that are giving you this kind of anxiety might help because I know like for me like a lot of times like I feel like whatever stresses I do feel it's because like I'm having this conversation in my head with myself but like and it's always like am I not doing enough what am I not doing am I not doing enough what more can I do but like if you were to have a conversation with them and it's not like a one time thing like it is something that probably would have to happen like repeatedly but like at least like you would then be able to reconcile that with yourself and be like well I am doing everything that I can do and I know that because I've talked to them about it.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:25

No unfortunately not I don't think it's it's not one of those things that I would like to I would like to consider myself um to be a relatively tempered individual. So it's not like I'm looking at this I'm like oh dear lord like you know what do I do and and not know the reality of the situation. Yeah but the reality of the situation I I I understand it I know that this is what this is this is what can't happen I have to figure it out I'm not there yet and so I'm just stuck you know and there's nothing that they can really say because if I want to do this to get to that because this is happening I have to just go through the motions.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:17

Yeah sometimes we do have to walk through the fire. That's exactly because it had to be so hot all the time I'm telling you Jesus where's the ice yeah that's just what it is and that is one of the things like with my with my it's my mom um that for so long like I haven't wanted to like deal with the the actual like uh motions of putting these things in order that I'm now putting in order, you know? 'Cause it's it's you know it's nothing anybody really like is excited to do. Um

SPEAKER_05 1:06:02

I don't want to cut it. Am I cutting anybody off?

SPEAKER_07 1:06:07

Uh-uh. You better keep them both over there.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:12

Keep it right over there.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:14

No. I bless this microphone over there.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:17

I rebuke the this microphone, this new camera, this house is covered in. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Blood of the lamb.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:28

Amen. Amen. Amen. Mm-mm. No. You you go find out what it is. You go find out what it is.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:39

Keep it over there. No, thank you.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:44

That's right. You better go figure it out.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:47

There's nothing over here that fell. Something fell.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:50

Yes, because we all heard it. You better call Belper up.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:55

Wait, let me get this liquid from the way from here.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:02

In the mystery mobile.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:04

Then all of a sudden, screen goes black.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:07

Nah.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:08

Let me tell you something. I'll be like, well, good night.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:11

You know the way I would log off of this zoom so quick. Keep that spirit over there.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:16

Oh, okay.

unknown 1:07:19

Damn it.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:19

What was I gonna say? Jesus. Okay, that's what it was.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:23

No, no, no, no. Okay. Okay. I'm just gonna say that's what that I think that's what it was.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:33

That's not where it came from. It's not. It came behind you.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:38

You did. Okay, look at this. Don't try to play hate us. Uh-uh. You really thought he was just gonna tell us some bullshit.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:53

Side note. Side. Talking about all this stuff. Have y'all ever well, I know Blair, you you said you don't watch New York shows, but there's this show called Evil, and it's so interesting.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:04

Why are you talking to me about this? Uh-uh.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:07

Blair's absolute out of it. She said, uh, evil. This Jesus household. It was so interesting. It was interesting.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:14

Unless the subtitle is Jesus Will Fix It.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:22

Okay. So I think what I was about to say. So there's like, okay, so I would love to be able to speak all the let's get back on track. I would love to get this, but I'm also known. And I hate I hate this, and I wish that there was a way that people can like understand that saying this has um undertones that make you not want to say anything, but I'm aware, um, even through the even through us, like I know I'm the more sensitive one. I feel things, I feel everything. And I I know that if I was to speak up on a lot of things, it would be just like, oh, you're just being sensitive. Like, and you know, even when like when I was doing therapy, consistently I'm still looking for an act a new one, by the way. Um it's it's there are certain things that I just I'll just suck it up because I can't talk about it right now because it's not gonna get heard. It's not gonna change anything because it's always gonna be viewed as you know, you're the sensitive one. Like that's problematic in the first place, especially as a gay child. Like, but still, like I can't express how I feel without it being viewed as just sensitive. Like, how about you take some ownership? Because this is not something that just came out the blue, you know, but this might be the first time out the blue that you're hearing it and actually listening. But I've said this before, you know, so that's a while I stopped. All right, so that got me like I'ma play this back.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:04

Uh-uh.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:05

Just like you said the last episode when I listened back to it and listened to me putting lotion on my channel.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:13

Did you listen to yourself? That shit was loud as hell. I put the loud as hell. I put it in the chat when I with the picture with the lotion. Oh, I missed it. Did I respond to that? Did I see it? You laughed. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:29

That shit was all like I was all like, how dinner you ate in a half of an eleven banners?

SPEAKER_03 1:10:41

Oh like sandpaper in the desert, Jesus.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:46

Okay, so let me ask you this. How much more do you think we you want to keep going? You wanna keep going? Because we're here. We might as well keep going.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:54

Um, when was the last time you like bitch? Like uh nigga.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:03

No. Nigga, you have six minutes.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:07

Nigga I'll I'll I'll give you an extra Ted. She said you checked in and yeah, you have 15 minutes.

When We Say We Are Good

SPEAKER_05 1:11:17

Um I've been good at this. So when is the last time you said I'm good and you weren't good?

SPEAKER_07 1:11:32

Um, I actually said it today. I I'll go first. I said it today. I know for at least for work, because uh the entertainment industry is is still new to me, and so I'm still discovering a lot of stuff about myself in that realm. But at work, I said I know what I'm good at, and that's being finding the pressure points of issues. Like you can put me in a department anywhere, and you want this place to start running efficiently, and I'll give you solutions. And I said that because with everything that's happening at work right now, um one of the things I'm frustrated is that people are not kind of getting on the same page as what I'm trying to convey. And you know, they'll be the first ones to say, I don't know how this happened, and I'm in the corner, like, I know how it happened. You didn't do this or this or this or this or this, and this is why we're here. So I'm really good at solving issues.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:46

But you weren't good? I'm trying to understand where where you're going with this.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:50

You said what you said you said what is the last time you said when was the last time you said that you were good, but you actually weren't? Like when you lie and tell somebody I'm good, I'm okay, but like inside you're really crumbling. We both were like, Oh I didn't hear that part.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:07

I don't know, Steve. That's the ghost. I was like, so you were just lying to all your coworkers saying you was good, but she wasn't. I thought I didn't hear that last part, but that the ghost clearly cut it off, and now I'm like hearing certain things. Oh, the ghost of the J.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:21

PJ were like.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:24

No. Um back to me.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:28

But I love that for you.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:30

Come back to me. I know I have to do that. Keep up that good work. I keep that good work up. I know I have something, but I know we do. Yeah, that's that's great. We're happy. Keep that good work up. I love that next. Who comes up next?

SPEAKER_05 1:13:42

So I'll say this. Um, it's been a while. Because I've I'm not a I'm good person. I'm a I'm fine. I'm fine. And y'all know when fine comes out, I'm not. Um I I do I have been I'm struggling a little bit today. You know, I've been I've been when people genuinely ask, and I know that they care like my like when Deshaun and Corey asked me, or um, and Deshaun has become lately, uh one of my children, has become lately the randomly like I just want to let you know that I love you down, you know, and it and and it is things like that. Like I do that for you both randomly. Um, probably you more, Blair, than because I'll beep that out.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:28

I'm like, what is happening right now? I'll beep it out. And this is why I don't share my business recording. Now you know where it's at while we're recording.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:43

I would never put your business out there. Y'all both know that. I would never do that to y'all.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:46

We do, but I just like to put a double stamp on it.

SPEAKER_05 1:14:50

But I do know that there are moments where I do say it, and I do only do that because I know that that person is going through something, and I don't want to trigger them by what I'm going through. So I know that, and their situation may be a little bit more severe than mine. So, like, I'm not gonna trauma dump on anybody. Not like I used to. Because I realize what that does. It makes you not want to pick up the phone. So, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:20

Um it's been a while since I've said that I was good, but I really wasn't good. I think there's like degrees of it for me, um, where there's different like levels. So I will say, like, recently in trying to um manage these different uh things for my mom, um, it gets very frustrating at times. So I think people can hear like the frustration in my voice when I like kind of talk about it or when I kind of give a piece of information of what's going on, and then they'll ask, Oh, are you okay? And I say, Yeah, yeah, I'm I I usually respond with it is what it is, you know. So like I so that's me saying, like, there's the situation is what it is, like these are the facts, this is what has to be done, and these are the things that need to be dealt with. Am I going to do them? Yes. Is it going to take a toll on me to do these things? Yes. So I think that that's kind of where I am with the um, I say I'm good, but I'm not really good, if that kind of like lines up. But to me, it's like, like I said, like it is what it is. Like, I don't like it, but I gotta do it. It's still gonna get done. I don't take, you know, I'm not happy about having to do it, but I'd rather things happen this way than how they could go.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:54

But I will say this, I'll say this about you. You put up a very good face better than anybody else, I know.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:02

Oh, well, thank you. Like you don't it's probably not something that I should be thanking you for, but I will agree that I think that I do put on a a good mask.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:13

Yeah. I mean, and that's and it it is not, but I think that it's it's something to just honor yourself about. Like you're not wearing it, like you don't look like what you've been through. You know what I'm saying? Period. And which which you shouldn't, but at the same time, like, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:36

It's a weird I think a lot of it is because like I try not to the perspective that I take on it. Like I said, like I could really just kind of get really like my brother is a very um he my this is the difference. My brother reacts emotionally and I react logically. And so I think that's where like a lot of the ability for me to be able to deal with things in a immediately productive way helps. Um, because I don't dwell on the emotions of it. Like I'd rather get through like the logistics of it and then deal with the emotion of it, you know. If you water signs are the same way, my brothers are like that. Jesus Christ. I mean, but but at the end, I just feel like it's it's gotta happen, it's gotta get done. Like I will cry about it later. Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:37

They're so logical. I mean, like, that it just there's no room for emotion. There's no room for feeling. Now, one I can't do it.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:49

If I feel like it's necessary, I will address the emotional part of it later. Like I said, like I'll cry about it later. You know, like I I do think it's important not to fully omit that part, but I think that given whatever the situation is, like I try to micromanage the situation as best I can, you know. Which I'm you know, is problematic in its own way, but look, it works for me, okay?

SPEAKER_07 1:19:21

Listen, what works for you. What about you guys? I don't think that I've done it in a way that was like really like big recently, but I want to say that I think we're uh there the moment that stands out to me that I say that I'm good and I'm really not, still has been at work, um I know that things do need to be done. And so I put on this big grandiose kind of like, you know, everything will be okay, guys, to kind of make everything run. Because a lot like you, uh, if you don't, then what happens is it it degrades the way that people are productive at work. Um, I know that, for example, the workers, the the staff members that are that are my are my direct reports, I've worked hard for to make sure that they are they want to come to work. And and it makes me sad that uh there's people that are out there that don't really get that. You have some workers, they're commuting like from Queens and from all over, and they don't have to. But one of my workers had told me that the reason why I do it is because I actually like this location and I want to keep that there, and so I put on this face, like, eh, it's not that big of a deal. Or even if I'm if even if I I am frustrated, it's kind of like well, I'm gonna just do me. But the reality is that I'm fucking burnt, I'm spent, I'm spent out because um, you know, and I think this is also why I've been like leaving work on time, because who wants to stay all that time just to be aggravated? Nobody that's crazy. So yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:24

Unless you don't like being home and like that's that's one of those things. I I can remember living that way. Like I would deal with the stress at work because I just didn't want to be at home. Not here, because this is my house, but home was shared with someone else.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:40

No, and and that's a that's a reality for a lot of people, and this is why some people are stuck. Um but I yeah, I I am I am burnt out. Like, even right now, like, you know, I'm I'm considering this as my my outlet entertainment piece, you know, in terms of you know, getting away from work. But once I'm done, I'm either gonna do one or two things. Either I'm gonna go play video games because now I don't have to think about anything, or I'm gonna go to bed and I don't have to think about anything, you know. Well, we know what Blair's gonna do.

What We Are Proud Of Right Now

SPEAKER_05 1:22:15

Well, before we do what Blair's gonna do, let me ask y'all one last question. Y'all ready? So we can wrap this up in a better way. Um, what's one thing that you're proud of that you're making it through in this moment? I'll go first while you guys think of it. Uh, because I had this prepared today, y'all. Blair has been really rubbing off on me.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:37

Um he said with a with a twinkle in his eye.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:41

Twinkle in my eye and a pep in my step. Um I wait, what was the question? Wow. It's written. Because you have such a pep in my step. I I'm moving so fast. Oh, we were doing so well. I'll say this. I'm just if there's nothing else that I'm really proud of, I'm proud of this impact that I'm having on these kids when I go to this school, these different schools. That's what brightens my day. Like I was having a shitty fucking day when I walked into the school. And it wasn't until like today I had them do uh teacher appreciation. Since that was last week, Teacher Appreciation Week. Last week they did um a conversation about mental health because it was May. So I was like, we should have done that last week because I didn't realize that last week was Teacher Appreciation Week, and they all like every there's 20 of them in there, and there's only four mics to a time. So I like all 20 of them had a moment. They spoke about a teacher and then did this. And the last one said, Mr. PJ, because this is his thing, and we we're we're starting to use our voice.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:54

And I was just like, Why are y'all doing this to me right now?

SPEAKER_05 1:23:57

But I needed that. Oh so like that's beautiful. I didn't realize, even though they get on my nerves, but they really these are high school kids.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:05

I would say good for you to to know and acknowledge, and just remember for yourself that like you are having an impact, you know.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:14

And that's that's that's the thing that's bringing that's like what keeps pushing for me to keep wanting to do this and make this program bigger and bigger and bigger. Because who knew that this is where this would be? And who knows where I'll be in the next one.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:27

Who knows where it's going, yeah. What else it's gonna grow into. And wherever you're going, we'll be there right by your side.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:34

Hearing you on, tell telling everybody about how you randomly burped into the glitch into oblivion.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:44

Leave me alone.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:45

What about it? Time traveled. What are the lottery numbers?

SPEAKER_05 1:24:49

Uh 28, 16, and 12. Uh let me write those down.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:54

28, 16, 12.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:00

That's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 14.

unknown 1:25:03

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:05

What? 20, 16, 12.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:06

All right, now look. We splitting these winnings, right? Y'all don't play. Let me just get a little cut. I'm gonna cut this out the episode. Yeah. Okay, cut that out for us.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:19

That's for us. I'm just gonna put a beep. Just put a big old beep on it, yep. That's for us.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:29

Well, what about y'all?

SPEAKER_07 1:25:35

What are we have what are we having? I literally have not laughed this long.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:38

I have not laughed as much in a while. This is how much I miss it. I miss us doing that.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:46

What are we happy about? What are we proud about?

SPEAKER_01 1:25:49

I think for me, I'm just proud of Honestly, like, it's nothing major, but I'm just proud of making it through. Like just just just making it through because there's I think there's so many examples that we can see of people who just you just give up. You know, times get hard and you just you just you give up or you don't move through it, or you you stay stagnant. Um, and there's so many things that like, you know, it's it's understandable, you know, because it's it's it's hard. Life is hard. Yeah. Life is hard. But like, I I don't know. I think for me, like, I'm just I'm just proud that I I get up every day. I I take care of my responsibilities. I do my best to take care of the people that I love. And you know, I'm I'm proud that I'm I'm I'm doing it and I'm still doing it, and I'm just grateful that I can do it.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:55

Come on, Blair. I want you to know, FYI. There are a few people that have like recently listened, and they've said they've each said the same thing. Blair is my spirit animal.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:07

Oh, period. I just want you to I want you to let you know that. I love that!

SPEAKER_05 1:27:13

Like, when she responds or something, that's my spirit animal.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:16

I love that. I love y'all. My spirit animals out there.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:22

We're gonna have one of them on as a guest soon. I just gotta figure that out. Alright, your turn. We be in Chris. We be in.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:31

Um, I think mine is simple. I think um I think I'm just proud that I force not force, maybe the that's not the word I want to use. I'm not sure. But we'll we'll we'll we'll we'll still use it. But I think I I I'm proud that I still force myself to find find my find a way to make myself smile. Um because there's so ex there's a lot that's going on in Now in this world, uh personally, uh, you know, locally, internationally, however you want to put it, and um and there's a lot to be like upset at and be angry at, but I find myself these days proud that I am laughing more, smiling more, um finding moments of like, damn, this was like really cool to do, you know, because that's what I've always wanted to do as a as a kid is just find the joy to be coming my best self. And so even though I'm kind of going through it right now, you know, with various things, and not just me, everybody, right? We're we all go we're all going through the fire.

SPEAKER_05 1:28:50

Why would you do that? Why I was right there with you.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:54

I was just like, I knew you guys are gonna do that. I was already dancing earlier, so now you're just even though we're we're going through it, I think that you're still finding moments of joy to like really be your best self, and I'm excited about that. Come here.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:14

I love this for us.

SPEAKER_05 1:29:15

I I do. I I love this for us, yeah. And I love that for you too, comment. With your little hoodie and shit.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:24

Okay, coming out here, styling and profiling. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:29:27

Okay, because I would, you know, her, she knows she has a hoodie too. Have you ever seen her hoodie?

SPEAKER_03 1:29:31

I think so. It's a little tie-dye.

SPEAKER_05 1:29:36

We're gonna get you a cat. Y'all need to see her face. Her face said dick.

SPEAKER_07 1:29:44

After high comment's eyes, the way you sh made up your face like that. I'm allergic.

SPEAKER_05 1:29:51

Oh. That's what they all say when they don't like cats.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:54

I believe that's it. I no, I found out I was allergic to cats the hard way. I was cat sitting for a friend, and I was like, oh my god, I'm dying. Your eyes are like itchy. I was like, what the hell is what fresh hell is this? I've never experienced this before. I had never experienced that before. That's my first time ever taking Benadryl.

Closing Thoughts And Sign Off

SPEAKER_05 1:30:13

Oh wow. Wow. Well, on that note, guys, not that note, but I uh I think for for us to y'all, I think this is something that we all should be doing with our friends. And we need to be honest with each other because nothing's gonna change if we're just all living a mask with each other. And it's good to have friends who you can be vulnerable with, and it's good that we have listeners who can who we can be vulnerable with. So we do appreciate you taking the time to listen to another episode of Highly Motherfucking Melanated. I swear, you know, it I I just can't stop saying it that way. It's just always gonna be the thing. Um, the safe space where it's okay to really just do an honest check-in with your friends and with yourself. And then go look over to the left.

unknown 1:31:09

Ooh.

SPEAKER_05 1:31:10

Ooh, look at the mirror.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:14

Light a candle, baby. Well, just remember, if you beeping at that wedding, you should have stayed at that well wedding. Because if you can't go to Bella Noche, where the hell can you go? Where can you go?

SPEAKER_05 1:31:27

Oh God, if you can't go. I love her.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:30

That's a that's a nah, that's a vocal sim if I've ever heard one. Okay. Because if you was beeping at that wedding, you should have said at that wedding. Because I mean, damn, if you can't go to Bella Noche, where the hell can you go? And then we we ain't found a replacement since.

SPEAKER_05 1:31:52

On that note, guys, peace, love, and going through the fire.

SPEAKER_03 1:32:00

Through the wind and through the wall. That's not even the words.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:06

There we go.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:11

Oh, this sounds terrible. I'm so sorry to our listeners, especially to our headphone listeners. We are so sorry.

SPEAKER_05 1:32:20

I ain't apologizing shit.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:22

I apologize.

SPEAKER_03 1:32:24

They love it. They do.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:25

I don't know if they love this. They said they were like, remember when we used to, um, our intros used to be us doing kind of like a cipher of like sounds and and and beats and stuff.

SPEAKER_05 1:32:39

There are moments when I listen back to those and still like really love it. And then I'm thinking about for like the listener who's like, what the fuck is this?

SPEAKER_03 1:32:45

Exactly. Like it was cool for us, but people it was cool for us. I did enjoy doing that.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:52

That was fun.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:53

Fuck is fun.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:54

But then it does have to make you wonder, like, damn, like, what were what were we thinking? But it didn't matter. It's unique, unique, hey me. That's what you are. Oh, damn. And she made it in at the buzzer.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:11

Category.

SPEAKER_04 1:33:16

Bad bitch. Can I hit stop?

SPEAKER_03 1:33:18

Correct. Correct. She's like, correct. Please hit stop.