Highly Melanated Podcast

Leading With Love Should Not Start A Fight

• Highly Melanated Podcast • Season 7 • Episode 4

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We talk about how people get boxed into labels and why social media makes judgment feel like a public hobby. We unpack the KevOnStage backlash, church culture, and what it looks like to share honest opinions without acting like we’re better than anyone. 

• getting tagged as “the Greek person” or “the campus org person” based on visibility 
• why formative years lock people into a box 
• updates on our shows, sold-out runs, and behind-the-scenes moments 
• choosing to be outside more and what loneliness sounds like out loud 
• the KevOnStage discourse and why “leading with love” triggers outrage 
• church, LGBTQ people, and the pressure to condemn instead of care 
• how comment sections reward chaos and kill nuance 
• the difference between judging a person and critiquing an action 
• “unapologetically me” versus learning better delivery 
• why some people renounce BGLO ties publicly and what they might be chasing 

Check it out on all platforms where podcasts are available.


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When Labels Replace Your Name

SPEAKER_00

He's supposed to be a different person now?

SPEAKER_03

I just started recording. That's all I'm just gonna say.

SPEAKER_04

It was interesting. I got that on many occasions. I became no longer known as uh Chris and Nesby and BSU and MAACP and National Christmas. I became Chris the Iota, and then everybody said, Wow, you're so nice. Huh?

SPEAKER_00

But you know what? I feel like a lot of that can be attributed to like, especially when people are, and again, like I'm not Greek, so I can't definitively say one thing or another because I don't have that experience. But I would guess that a lot of people might have like put that, put you in that box because during college is when people are kind of defining themselves, and a lot of it goes off of just visibility. So, you know, they see you, you know, wearing the letters, and they see you, you know, in your in your um in your swag. And so like that's how they just kind of associate you now.

SPEAKER_04

I guess, yeah, absolutely, but I think because of that same reason, those are your formative years, and I think that that's what some people are coming from. Like, I am complacent, I'm complicit with the things that are going on, and because of that, I no longer feel comfortable, and then people move away. And I'm I'm totally fine with that because you know, you doing good in your community doesn't end at you being in a you know BGLO, you know, it could be You gotta have to break that down for people who don't know what that means.

SPEAKER_00

I like that.

SPEAKER_04

Black Black Greek letter organizations. Okay, thank you.

SPEAKER_00

I've never heard that before. Really? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Um you know, a lot of people might, you know, it doesn't end there. You could be a Nesby, you could be in the church, you could be in a step community, you could do, you could do whatever.

SPEAKER_00

And so it doesn't end there, but a lot of people it's about like how other people associate you, and that's how the and that is based off of how they see you visibly, which is usually socially. So, like if you are the person who's always going to Nesby events, then you're the Nesby person. If you're the person who, you know, just crossed, you are the Greek person. If you're the person who, you know, won in homecoming court, you're the homecoming person. So, and it's kind of like once people kind of put like a title or an association with you, it's kind of hard for them to take you out of that box, especially in college. Because, like we said, like this is these are the the formative years when people are, you know, creating their memories of who you are, gonna remember you.

Welcome Back And Spring Struggles

SPEAKER_01

So here's so here's the thing. Well, first, let's take a mic, let's take a little step back. You ready? I don't know what it is, but I just love being black. BJ here.

SPEAKER_00

What up, Doe? It's your girl Blair. No, Mel Melanin was popping yesterday, it's popping today, and it's show enough gonna be popping tomorrow.

SPEAKER_02

It's your boy Red, and you're listening to the Highly Melanated Podcast.

SPEAKER_01

Hey guys, hey guys, hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of Highly Melanated Podcast. The safe space to just get started and just start talking. And be late.

SPEAKER_00

And be hella late.

SPEAKER_01

And be hella late, and be hilarious. Uh PJ is ready for the warm weather to stay consistently warm. That's all I want right now.

SPEAKER_04

Um red, I want the pollen to stop. Red. I'm coughing. Oh pollen, yeah. So the things that come out of flowers and trees and stuff every year, and then crop dust in the city, and then I cough all night long. Yeah, that I want that to stop now. Thanks.

SPEAKER_00

Red. And Blair, I have been influenced by social media and TikTok once again, and made the infamous cabbage soup, detox soup. So if I am not down a hundred pounds by the end of the week, I'm coming for y'all on TikTok. I'm coming for you.

SPEAKER_01

I have questions. Have you already eaten it so far?

SPEAKER_00

I have not. Okay. That's what I keep getting up to stir. It's on the stove.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, so give me about five, maybe ten minutes after you eat. I would need to know how your stomach is feeling.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, it's I'm supposed to go through it. So, like I said, if I don't lose a hundred pounds by the end of the week, me and TikTok is gonna have beef. And it's not what's for dinner.

Theater Wins And Schedule Chaos

SPEAKER_01

Okay. Come on, Arby's. We got the meats. So, okay, so really quickly, uh, you guys walked in. We were having a conversation. Uh, go ahead, have a seat. Uh, you know how we do over here at the Melanated Manor. Um, so you know, you're welcome. We missed you. Uh not your welcome. We missed you. There'll be moments. But again, um, I'll be the one to always apologize. But you know, we were set to record, and you know, someone it's me.

SPEAKER_00

I'm someone. Okay, he's gonna keep alluding. And it's me. I raised my hand. It's me. I was under the impression that we were not recording tonight, so I took my sweet time getting home, turns to find out I was wrong. I misread the message, and um, then we got on here and it was kiki and haha and for like 20 minutes, and then we were like, oh, maybe we should press the record button. So here we go. Sorry, sorry.

SPEAKER_01

See, see what happens. I'm glad that's what happens when you caught up. See what happens when you you move too fast? That's not what I was saying. I say one of us, or actually both of y'all are doing something. How'd it go from us to y'all? Because I was talking about you just didn't.

SPEAKER_00

No, you said one of us, and then both of y'all.

SPEAKER_01

Like one of I said I was apologizing for us not recording previously. And the reason why is because Chris had his show, is what I was gonna say. But you wanted to tell the you know, Shane Dillon. Oh, my tell all this other stuff.

SPEAKER_00

It was me. I had my show, and then Chris also had his show. We just we just got we just did show us in the shit. There's you know, schedules is crazy.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, tell us tell us tell tell everybody about the show. How was y'all's weeks?

SPEAKER_00

Good. The show went well. We had four sold-out performances, which is really awesome. Um, for those of you who came and those of you who watched online, thank you so much, appreciate it. Um, the hope is that we are able to get another run for the show, so we'll see.

SPEAKER_04

Nice. I still don't like Vince.

SPEAKER_00

We also won, um, so it was a festival that we were a part of, and so we also won the um the crowd favorite award for the festival, too, because everybody liked our show the best and bone for us.

SPEAKER_01

Hey, what the kids are doing? The kids are doing the first one. Yeah, but it's you eight. Good job.

SPEAKER_00

I know.

SPEAKER_01

I'm not surprised. I'm so proud of you.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03

I'm not surprised. Good job.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you.

SPEAKER_03

I still don't like Vince.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, a lot of people don't.

SPEAKER_01

I feel so bad because I wasn't unable to do both the show and online because you know, one of those days I said, sure, I'll go upstairs and just to say hello to the people in the garage. And they said, So glad you're back early. We have another, we need to have another funeral. We need you to go out. And I'm like, can I like nope, nope? Can I have a life? So I missed it.

SPEAKER_00

Shout out to um my my partner in crime, uh Chris Richardson. He he came, um he came the show, he came to, I believe he was supposed to be coming to the Saturday show, but he got his wires crossed and he came Friday night for the show, and there wasn't a show Friday night. So then he came back again on Saturday. So appreciate the dedication. Also, while we're shouting him out, um he'll be starting, he has started his own solo podcast. Um, that's gonna be debuting on April 27th. Y'all get into it. It's called Agreed to Understand. Check it out on all platforms where podcasts are available.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, all right.

SPEAKER_01

Love that for you, Chris. Surfer. What about you? How was your show? Uh Chris.

SPEAKER_04

Um, my show was good. It was also um uh successful. Uh it was just as good as the first time. Actually, it got better because um I really I I truly, and I have to say this every time um I experience it because I I've heard from so many actors that it's rare that you find a cast that you really like. And so like I really, really, really enjoy this this cast. I really they're they're a really dope group of people. And um, and so we had a good time, and it was for the most part the same people that did it last time, so they only got better with their parts. Um, there was one scene, I'll tell you a secret. There was one scene that I was in, and uh they changed the dynamics of this of the stage a little bit, so everything was a little bit closer. One of the young ladies almost actually fell with one of the things that I was doing, and it was crazy, but we were able to pull it off, and so no one said anything about it. But um, shout out to Orleah. I felt so bad. I as soon as the scene was done, I ran downstairs and I gave her a hug because I said, Are you okay? I was like, I didn't want you to fall and like get hurt, and she said, No, it was fine. She just wasn't aware of her surroundings and it kind of threw off balance a little bit. Um but it was really good. It was really good. Shout out to the Schomburg Museum for having us there. We really do appreciate that.

SPEAKER_01

Shout out to the Schomburg and Harlem.

SPEAKER_00

Period.

SPEAKER_01

Perfect. My week was nothing. I was just, I didn't do I I worked a lot. That sounds like that sounds like something to me. That sounds like money.

SPEAKER_00

Right. So far for money.

Going Outside And Feeling Lonely

SPEAKER_01

But I okay, so I will say this. It's gonna sound so crazy.

SPEAKER_00

It already knew it.

SPEAKER_01

Um, I will say this. This past week, I have done the unthinkable. I went outside two days in a row.

SPEAKER_00

Oh.

SPEAKER_01

Like I was outside. And I think I made a decision.

SPEAKER_00

Now, when we say there's different levels. So when you say I was outside, does it mean you stepped outside into an environment outside of your apartment to smell the flowers? Or were you outside, like outside? I was I was amongst the people. Busting it wide open.

SPEAKER_01

I wasn't busting anything wide open. I don't do that anymore. Um, you know, and lies. What'd you say?

SPEAKER_00

Lies. That's what I said. I said lies, L-I-E-S, lies.

SPEAKER_01

Um, no. So I went out. Um, one of my one of my friends, he had he's a he's a chef. He moved here from New Orleans. He's actually one of like the OG YouTubers. Shout out to Nunu, aka Lester. Um, he's been he when I say OG YouTubers, I'm talking about like Trey Melvin, uh Wesley Henderson from A Connection TV, uh Derek Briggs, all of them, um, as well as Nunu. He was one of the originals that created queer content um on YouTube. So, and he was like, you know, I'm having a get together. He sent this to me at three o'clock, and I was just like, Yeah, sure I'll go. And then I went outside and uh it was cold, and I said, I'm gonna push through that. I'm not gonna go back upstairs and get a jacket.

SPEAKER_00

And you still went.

SPEAKER_01

I I said I was I was gonna push through. I'm like, you know what, I can do it with what I had on. And then I left my phone upstairs. And I was like, that's God's way of saying stay staying my black ass home.

SPEAKER_00

I'm screaming.

SPEAKER_01

So I so I took off my clothes, laid in the bed, and I got a text message from him saying, How far away are you? And I was like, it's cold. I don't really, I'm just in my bed. He was like, I will see you soon. So I ended up going and I had a really great time. And it was like a few people that I've met before and some other people. He's a really great chef. Um, and then on Sunday we do our Sunday fun day. So I was actually at an event on Sunday, and I think I'm going to be outside this spring and summer.

SPEAKER_05

Like as you should.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, as you should. But you know, you know, I love being home. So like I think I'm gonna do something a little differently this year because I'm so lonely. But you know, maybe it's maybe this might be the year that you know I can have a plus one when I go to someone's wedding.

SPEAKER_04

You and this, you want to go to somebody's wedding. So bad. I've been putting this in people's comments.

SPEAKER_00

It's not somebody's wedding, it's a very specific person's wedding. But we won't get into that.

KevOnStage Gets Heat For Love

SPEAKER_04

Wow. Question the week, question the week, question the week. Your questions as they pertain to you, prospectively and introspectively. You know. You know, I I I didn't even know where I was even gonna go with that. But so many things came to my mind because I've just been like so tired, so I haven't like really gotten a chance to like really digest much of anything. But I think the thing that sticks in my mind right now is what are we thinking about Kev on Stage being harassed now?

SPEAKER_00

Being harassed how? What happened?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, please let me know because as you know, I so what happened was Kev on Stage got on. Oh my god. Why can't I think of that guy's um podcast right now? He was a he was a basketball player. Um got on his podcast. Cam Newton? Yeah, yeah, I was about to say Cam Newton. Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_01

But here's okay, but here's both Blair and I at the exact same time, everybody.

SPEAKER_04

Hear me out.

SPEAKER_00

If I could roll my eyes further back in my head, I would.

SPEAKER_04

Cam came on stage, basically got on, and told the world what his thoughts of about you know LGBTQ being a part of the LGBTQ community is and means. And um he did something that a lot of people don't do these days. And he said, I just want to leave with love. He's like, I don't care about what people are doing and what's going on with them. He's like, I just wanted to, I just want them to be happy, be healthy, be in the community. And um, and he gave a couple of examples of being in the church where he saw people who came from the back of the church and they were loved on and worked their way all the way up to the pulpit, and then people who started at the pulpit and then they worked their all the way back, worked themselves all the way back to the back of the church and then never returned. And um, and that was what he said. But when I tell you he is getting so many people who are saying, No, but that's affirmation, and you know, this, that, and a third, and I mean he's getting a lot of flack about it. So I just didn't know if you guys saw that, and I wanted to know what you guys felt, but if you didn't see it.

SPEAKER_00

No, I didn't see it, and I guess I'm still confused. Like, what is it that he's getting flack about?

SPEAKER_04

That he's love that that he's that he's loving people.

SPEAKER_00

So when people are saying, like, you said that some people will comment and be like, oh, that's confirmation. Confirmation of what?

SPEAKER_04

No, uh, it's it's affirmation.

SPEAKER_00

Affirmation of what?

SPEAKER_04

That it that their lifestyle is okay.

SPEAKER_00

Oh. Okay. Right. First of all, so so I guess I'm glad, wait, wait.

SPEAKER_04

Before you even give me your thought, I'm glad that you're confused because it's as as plainly as it is, I'm as I'm stating it, that's what it is, and it sounds crazy.

SPEAKER_00

But he basically was saying In case anybody's wondering what that sound is.

SPEAKER_04

What happened?

SPEAKER_00

PJ is putting lotion. I feel like his dry ass kid. Oh my.

SPEAKER_04

But did you see that shit just get sucked up? I didn't even see any lotion.

SPEAKER_01

Could y'all continue, please? Shut up. Wow.

SPEAKER_00

I I just want you to know, PJ, will you play this back to edit it? You gonna hear it. So press me.

SPEAKER_01

This mic picks up everything, apparently.

SPEAKER_00

You will hear it. Sounds like sandpaper. Anyway. Exactly. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01

It it did. That's why I'm sitting here like I'm feeling on my legs. Ladies and gentlemen, if you are in this moment right now, if you are a listener, do us all a favor. Look at your look at your legs. Look at your ankles, look at the pace between your thumb and your pointer finger. Is it Ashy?

SPEAKER_00

No.

SPEAKER_01

Go put some lotion on. If it is, nobody was asking you, okay. I just stay moisturized. That's right. Proceed with your story, sir.

SPEAKER_00

Yes. So I guess I'm also confused and don't understand why there's so much discourse around somebody being an advocacy of people being happy. But that seems to be a hot button topic in our country.

SPEAKER_04

Well, so so and so just to kind of like I don't know if I can even clarify this anymore. Once again, he came on stage basically talking about loving people and loving them in a way that they would come back into the church. But then there was a lot of people that would say, That's not the that that's not the topic. The topic is not about loving thy neighbor, it's about you condemning what they do and why you're not doing that, Kev.

SPEAKER_00

First of all, number one, who am I to condemn anybody? It is not my place to judge, it is not my place to condemn. I that that is not me. That is up to uh the Lord and Savior when you reach them pearly gates. It's it is a one-on-one conversation, and that ain't got nothing to do with me. Okay, and that's the thing. So, what do you mean? And that's the that's the thing that I just like really like get so frustrated on. It's like people feel like they have the right or the entitlement to pass judgment or discernment on others when it ain't got nothing to do with you.

SPEAKER_01

Nothing, but nothing. But you know what, you know what your religion should have to do with you? Your relationship with your with God, with your God or whoever you serve. That should be it.

SPEAKER_04

I know, I know that. You know that. The both of all of us know that, but it's it's it's actually more of a hot butt button topic than than than we think it is. And and because of that, because he had that, and because he won't openly condemn people and not judge them for who they are, um, people have been giving him a lot of flack and have been like tagging them and everything and stuff like that. And and and then luckily, you know, and I love I love uh Kev because he's he's really funny to me. And so luckily he's a comedian, and so he's really rolling with the punches, and I think that he's laughing about it, but I do think that there's a part of him that he is kind of saying, like, wow, you know what's just crazy that I'm getting this kind of response.

SPEAKER_01

So I I think that I have decided or thought about like what we're gonna talk about today. I think it's kind of aligned all aligned with that. Something that we can just talk about really quickly. And quickly because I'm dying over here. It's just people who pass judgment on other people, like what is wrong with you? And people who just like in these comments, what is wrong with you? People on the internet, what is wrong with you?

SPEAKER_00

Like what it's uh part of the issue is social media has really given people the platform to feel like they one can reach a mass amount of people, and two, there's there's besides getting canceled and getting clapped backed on, there aren't a whole lot of consequences for people saying whatever it is that they want to say. So people feel emboldened to just say whatever comes out of their mouth.

SPEAKER_04

I think it's sad because it you know, I I understand that concept, you know, one plus one equals two. Um but I think that we need to strive better to put ourselves in different perspectives than other people if other people Other people choose and figure out maybe why they feel the way that they do, or you know, where they're coming from. Because I think a lot of it it's like if you don't believe in what I believe in, that's it. We're we're we're we're done. And it leads it it causes a lot of conflict.

SPEAKER_01

And I think it goes even a little deeper. Like if not even if you you don't believe in what I believe in, if you don't comment, if you don't make a post, if you don't speak your your thoughts on it, then you must agree with it. Um like the people who like, oh, what's your opinion on this? Like, you don't not everybody needs an opinion, because we all have some, some people have some really shitty opinions. But um I just that's kind of probably why I'm like haven't been on Facebook a lot lately, Instagram barely. It's usually when I'm in my bath in the bathroom, that's when I usually scroll through these things. Um if it wasn't for you, Blair, I would have never joined TikTok. So like, you know, and I I like the community that I'm building there, so that's what keeps me there, you know. Um kind of somewhat similar when I was on Bigo. Um that was a community that I was building, so that's what kept me there. Um when things get out of control, I just I've realized as I've gotten older, I don't have time to go back and forth, and I'm not going back and forth with someone who can't comprehend words.

SPEAKER_00

I ain't going back and forth with you niggas.

SPEAKER_01

I ain't going back and forth with nobody.

SPEAKER_04

But to your point, there's a lot of muck and mire in social media, and like it's just interesting. I like I like understanding how people think, but sometimes I'll be reading those comments, and I have to tell myself, all right, stop reading the comments, because I'm I find myself like my my my eyebrows are on a regular level, and then slowly they just like you know frill like frill up, like and I like look at them like why is it why why why who would ever say that? Why would you like to do that?

SPEAKER_00

Well, you know, what's again, I think what's interesting about it is is again, social media is a whole different beast, and it depends on what people's specific objective is. Because sometimes people get on social media and say things just to cause chaos and increase engagement, and you know, it's it's the old adage, you know, you know, all press is good press. You know, even if it's bad, even if it's bad news, it gets eyes on them, it gets them noticed, it gets them mentioned, it gets them talked about. So, for example, there is um a social media influencer on TikTok who I've followed for a while and I've seen her go through kind of a transformation in who she is and how she aligns and how she shows up on social media. And it's to the point now where I see a lot of discourse about her as well. Like people like, because she she's kind of gotten to a place where she has changed a lot of how she presents herself online. She's kind of done like a um, I I think she would call it, she's done a 180. Um, and now it's to the point where she is she has said some things that felt very judgmental against other women. Are we talking about BTMO? No, we're not.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_05

Delete.

SPEAKER_00

No, no, we're not. Um it it a lot of people have taken offense to some of the remarks and some of um her um videos because it feels like she's condemning people for doing exactly what she used to do. And it's kind of coming from a place where like, well, she doesn't, she's like, I don't do it anymore, and I don't do it because I shouldn't have been doing it in the first place, and you guys shouldn't be doing it either. When are y'all gonna fall in line? Kind of thing. And so now a lot of people have things to say about that. And the just observing the whole thing is just so interesting to me because I'm like, well, why does anybody feel like they have the right or the responsibility of judging or dictating to other people what they should and should not be doing?

SPEAKER_04

I don't know. Uh I I do know that in my old age, that it's funny because I as I get older, I care less and less. So I can see somebody and I've heard people say, you need to do this, and I'm all like, yeah, okay. And I go back to what I was doing, or nope, I'm not doing that. You know, because because where do you come uh become uh judge, jury, and executioner?

SPEAKER_01

Like nobody, no, no, just how when we were talking earlier, and I was like, You should, and I was like, I should shut up.

SPEAKER_04

I should shut up because I should even though and that was being risk being respectful because we because we're friends, but you were saying all this stuff, I was like, uh-huh, yeah. Dope.

SPEAKER_00

That's also the thing, though, too, is like again with social media and whoever the audience is, like a younger audience. The I feel like those are the people that like to tussle in the comments, you know, because they're very opinionated as well and don't like being dictated to or preached to. Whereas us, who are, you know, the older millennials or the younger millennials, we're like, I know who I am, I know I don't have to listen to you, I know I don't have to engage with it, and that's about as much attention as we give it.

SPEAKER_01

So it's so it it's it's weird to me, right? Because when I hear things like that, and especially from that standpoint, I'm you know, I'm I'm I'm not gonna bash this lady. Um, but you know, I do it. We were talking about my mother.

SPEAKER_04

That came out way too easy. Let me go get up and get us back. No, dude.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, why you over here do why you over here telling people what to do, Chris? Why you over here dictating what people should do? Okay, don't even and and this is exactly what we're talking about. People who don't have all the information just yet, but they won't pop off at the mouth and tell people what they should or should not do. That was a prime example.

SPEAKER_01

So, what I'm saying is like um those who used to, they used to do something and now they no longer do, but they judge those that are coming now. Like you were here once upon a time. Like, no, you you yes, you became saved. You found Jesus, and your savior, your version of Jesus, what you practice, what you preach is judgment to others. She has since softened because time is you know doing things, and she's realizing. Um and maybe that might be selfish, maybe that might be just let me just do this to appease my son so he can take care of me. Because if I keep acting like this, maybe he won't. But it's for people who what I'm saying what I'm getting at is for people who pass judgment like that, like you said, oh, I used to do this, and you should neither. No, you used to do this in Nick Cana time where you stopped. Let that person get to that point in their journey and let them decide if they want to stop. Let them, because not for anything else, it's none of your motherfucking business, that's their life. But hey, what do I know?

Leaving BGLOs And Chasing Clout

SPEAKER_04

Do you think I'm just I'm just throwing it out there because it's something I just I just connected it on with people who that's a form of control. So we there's that side of it. But then the other side that I thought about it is like, do you feel like people who do that feel like they're going to get something out of it that is somehow beneficial to them? So I know earlier we were talking about um people who denounce, renounce, announce that they're no longer gonna be a part of a BGLO or a black Greek letter organization. So by doing this, do you feel like they legitimately feel like they're getting something out of it by telling their story and making it bigger? Or do you think that it's just I I I just want the popularity? I just want to be popular.

SPEAKER_00

You know, again, I it's not my experience, so I can't say, but I I can see both sides of it. I can see I can well, let me not say both sides of it. I can see a couple of reasons as to why somebody would want to, you know, proclaim or share that information in a public setting or a or a public social platform. One, because like you said, like they feel like they're gonna get some type of reward or clout or some type of um affirmation from sharing this information publicly. Um two, they do feel like they, you know, want to encourage others to do the same, and the way to do that is to speak publicly about it. But again, it's just like it's one of those things where it's like, well, if this is something that's deeply personal to you, then let it be for you.

SPEAKER_04

Right.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

And I and I agree. I just I I just it's just me trying to figure out what is the thought process of a lot of those people. Because as we had said before, like if you no longer, if it no longer gives you what you what you need or you don't align with it, then I feel like you should be able to step away at any particular point in time.

SPEAKER_00

But you have some people that are out there and they are just and if and if you do feel so inclined to share that information online, then I would encourage them to also share why they're sharing it this information in this way. You know, we we've gotten to such a point, we've gotten to such a point in social media where like it that just feels like that it's second nature to just get online and just say whatever it is that you feel in at the moment and proclaim it and have people consume that information. But you know, I think there's something powerful in like really breaking down and explaining to people, you know, why they're sharing something in this manner. You know, they could have written a book, they could have written a blog, they could have, you know, done something else to share it publicly, but there's a specific reason why they got online to share it, you know.

SPEAKER_01

And see, one of those reasons, one of those reasons there is one of the reasons why um I never wanted this podcast to have anything to do with a lot of pop culture stuff. Because everybody's got opinions about pop culture, everybody's got opinions about what's going on. When you don't know these rich people, this region ain't got shit to do with you. Okay. Now, when it comes to something like this, and this is a part someone's personal story, and you're you you too know how I feel about like sharing your story, your story can help other people. So, like that I get. But the judgment from the person still being from where you were, there's a level of I feel that I'm better than you now because I've come out of that, versus that person is still human. Maybe I can help them out instead of telling them that they should come out.

SPEAKER_00

Well, that's the thing. That's what the and again, just coming from a spiritual and Christian standpoint of it, is the Bible teaches us not to judge others based on hypocrisy, like, but it's more so to help people understand, you know, what is right and what is wrong, and encourage them to seek that truth out for themselves.

SPEAKER_04

Right. And I and I think that's right. And I think um both of you guys hit the nail on the head. I think there's a certain level of uh grandiose with it. There's a there's a there's a hierarchy that people try and maintain because if they if that's not there, then they have to kind of focus on themselves. And I think that a lot of people don't like to do that just based on how people are always in other people's business. They don't like to actually take home that take care of what's at home. And so, you know, going back to Kev on stage and everything that he was just saying, he's just like, I'm just leading with love. I just want I, you know, I want to make sure that everybody should come to my church and everybody should be able to do that.

SPEAKER_00

It's crazy that people got mad about that.

SPEAKER_04

And and people and people, I'm telling you, guys, I know you two have not been on social media to see it, but in the past two to three days, it's been like non-stop where it was just all like I'm just not gonna watch Cam Newton's.

SPEAKER_00

Um I was gonna say, I think mistake number one was gone on Cam Newton's podcast.

SPEAKER_03

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.

SPEAKER_00

But again, that just that that that just might be me being judgmental.

SPEAKER_04

I fully admit to that. Hold on a second. In my defense, I didn't go on Cam Newton's.

SPEAKER_01

It was a it was a shorter.

SPEAKER_04

It was connected to it, it was it was a it was a clip and it was connected to Kev. I think Kev.

SPEAKER_00

No, yes, I can know I'm I was saying that I think Kev on stage versus fake was going on Cam Newton's podcast. But again, uh that is that that is judgmental, and I'm being judgmental, and I fully I see I see the irony in that.

Celebrity Lines We Refuse To Cross

SPEAKER_01

Wait, pause. Speaking of judgmental, I'm about to take a quick detour, really quick, as I probably shouldn't have this in my mouth while I'm on a microphone. But hey, we're here, y'all. It's a mentos, the fresh maker.

SPEAKER_05

I'm screaming.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, but it doesn't look like a piece of chicken.

SPEAKER_01

I need you in the camera, Blair, so I'm gonna wait till you come back. I'm coming. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes. We'll be right back with Blair's break.

SPEAKER_03

Blair's broad break. A broad break. Blair's broad break brought to you by she's sad. She's sad.

SPEAKER_01

Um yeah. So upon further consideration and upon uh further judgment and also agreeing with uh a lady uh called Chrysal uh West, I will not be going to uh the Usher and Chris Brown beat 'em down um concert. I will not uh really throw it about celebrity deat match. Just I just don't support Chris Brown, and I don't want to give him a doubt a dollar of my dollar. And I you there is a list of reasons why none of us should, besides Rihanna. Just he just can't control himself, and I will control my pockets. And then she says, she said, you know, because I might just leave Usher alone because he's starting to deal with fuck ass niggas, and like he's not saying anything.

SPEAKER_00

And now I will say I've seen some things that have made me go, ooh, I don't know if this is the association that I would like for him to have.

SPEAKER_03

Really?

SPEAKER_00

Yes. And it's it's given me some pause. However, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_01

I just wanted to say that while we're sitting here judging. I'll talk about judging.

We All Judge Or Observe

SPEAKER_00

And so with that being said, I know like we're saying like our opinions on like what other people should or should not be doing, and how we're confused as to how people are doing this, and we don't think people should be doing that. But at the same time, we all we all judge other people.

SPEAKER_01

We do and I don't judge anyone, I just make observations.

SPEAKER_00

We all judge other people. I'm not judging however we do it, we might do it on a on a on a very uh large, obvious scale. We might do it very minutely in ways that we don't necessarily recognize or or recall judgments. That's a choice. But I I think we all do it, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I mean we all do, but we don't I think there's a level, there's a difference between like judging people um and judging them like you're better than like well, so that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00

There's like different levels to it, but I think the other thing that we're collectively trying to put the message out there as is, or at least let me speak for me. I don't want to put words in your guys' mouth, but like I'm gonna be able to do it. Somebody put something in my mouth.

SPEAKER_01

I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00

I'm screaming.

SPEAKER_01

I'm hungry. I have chicken in the room.

SPEAKER_00

PJ, shut up.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it wasn't.

SPEAKER_00

I'm gonna go get my chicken. These are hot open mics. I I will say that I work very hard not to pass judgment on other people. What I know that I do is I have thoughts and opinions about decisions that people make. And I think that that's different. I think judging somebody and judging their actions are two different things.

SPEAKER_04

So, okay, but I could see those people saying, well, that's an action to be sleeping, or a man sleeping with another man, or a woman sleeping with another woman. So why doesn't Kemp on stage affirm that?

SPEAKER_00

So And that's that's that's for them to grapple with. That's that's that's not something that I have I feel like I need to spend my energy on.

SPEAKER_01

And that's the underlying issue. That's the underlying issue of it all. And so, like, and it's and it really for his situation, it stems because from a from a a little while now since his book came out, shout out to uh his book. Great, great read. Um things that he was saying had something to do, hold on, I unplugged something because I can't hear nothing. There we go. Uh, some things that he was saying was talking about the church dealing with and how it deals with homosexuality. And you know, so like since he's been openly speaking about that in other avenues, they've been taking it and running with it. So I I don't know this Cam Newton thing, I wouldn't know. I haven't I I here's here's what I've been watching uh the In My Opinion podcast with uh with uh our our gorgeous uh first lady, Michelle Obama and her brother. Uh so like I've been watching those and falling into a deep hole with those. Giggity. But um, I just had to. It's just it's it I just wouldn't be mean, y'all.

SPEAKER_04

It's okay, we know.

SPEAKER_01

We don't judge you for who you are.

SPEAKER_00

We don't judge you.

SPEAKER_01

I feel like we need to do another We Listen and Don't Judge episode at some point in time.

SPEAKER_00

You know what? Maybe we'll do that next week as a follow-up to this episode.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. Because I do have another Jeopardy.

SPEAKER_00

I gotta think about some things that I that I be doing that I think y'all might judge.

SPEAKER_01

But you know, let but as as we as we bring this short episode to a close, um let me ask you this though. Are you ready? You ready?

SPEAKER_03

Ready as I'm ever gonna be. You're supposed to say, let's go.

Honest Opinions Without Being Mean

SPEAKER_01

Not they really bouncing. All right, so my qu my question to you is when you have okay, so for you specifically, Blair, right? When you have these thoughts, if someone was to ask you, do you give them your honest opinion? Your honest thought in the world. Of judgment. How do you how do you portray your your thoughts of judgment?

SPEAKER_00

I don't I don't know. I give people my opinion.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

I give people my opinion.

SPEAKER_04

Which is also Blair's looking at you like you was about to catch me out here. Now you guys okay, Chris.

SPEAKER_00

If somebody asks for my honest opinion, I will give it to them. Honestly. But I'll also do it in a way that is diplomatic. Try to strip any type of negativity out of it as much as I can. Because I don't necessarily like I feel like if it's something that I feel like deserves some type of criticism, I feel like I'm I can give constructive criticism. Um, and that and I I really try to avoid having any type of negative commentary because there's always an opportunity with everything. Right, right. So that's what I focus on. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

I love that. that for you. Meanwhile, Chris over here.

SPEAKER_04

Meanwhile, what?

SPEAKER_01

I don't know. You tell us.

SPEAKER_04

Do I give me honest uh judgment? I don't like Blair said, I don't judge. I really don't, I really, really, really don't judge. Because I think as I get older, I'm less surpr more and more less surprised by the things that are just out there and happen or people do. So you could tell me something crazy, I'm Blair. I knew there was be someone out there like that. You know, and so I don't I don't really uh judge. I do I do temper my my answers depending on the environment that I'm in. So if I'm at work, I don't I can't I have to figure out a different way to package it. Because people are temperamental, people are sensitive.

SPEAKER_05

Right.

SPEAKER_04

People are just is just are are from different cultures. And so I can't just say any old thing. Like like me at work is totally different than me on stage than me around friends than me around family.

SPEAKER_01

So yeah you definitely have to choose pick and choose especially in like your line of work.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Because that's for safety also. Yeah. You know I mean I think I told you. That's for safety all across the board to be honest with you.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. No you just have to you just have to you have to figure out like what fits and I think that's a big problem that a lot of people have they just feel like I'm just unapologetically me. It's a it's a statement that I love and hate at the same time vehemently because people are like I'm unapologetically me. I'm just gonna do whatever you you really shouldn't because the delivery can be better or worse depending on how you package it. And it takes a little bit more work and effort but you get better results for it.

SPEAKER_01

So here's what I'll say and I mean I maybe I I I can uh attest to this me being a Libra like we are a judgment so I I try when I say I make an observation I mean that in the sense of okay that's how you would do it it's not how I would do it doesn't make it right or wrong but okay that's different that's a choice it's not judgment it's like okay I'm learning something different new and now my face or my tone might be a little there might be a little condescension under there. I do get that I'm not gonna sit here and lie and act like that doesn't exist but oftentimes it's my experience that when people say what are you judging me I'm just like I'm I'm literally not that tier insecurity showing feeling like you're being judged but no one's judging you. Like I'm not better than you because I've made 10 times worse decisions in the in the most different situation and you would sit here and judge the fuck out of me but it doesn't change anything whether I'm judging you or not because it's still your decision. It's still your choice it's still you like it you can judge me all the fuck you want it ain't gonna change the fuck I like this blue light above me. Why you like this blue light it gives you this little purple thing on your head. I don't care I like it.

SPEAKER_04

Because Beyoncé said that black people should be litting blue light hey baby I just she had she wasn't here I had to bring her in so you know so uh yeah I mean okay but but you could see but but in what you were saying you could also see how you don't care like what people say about you. You don't care what kind of judgment keep cat people cast on you. However you could see that it might not affect you but it does affect what happens externally and so the animosity could be there sometimes and I think that's what people need to be aware of.

SPEAKER_01

But I also think there's a level of like I don't care what people say about me that we do need to be honest. We do care what people say about us right um I I I do care that what I feel I'm projecting out is what is received. So if I think that I'm not this guy that I'm I think I'm this guy like the the lost episode we had about good guys what's the good guy the lost episode lost it it's lost in the file somewhere one these days is gonna it's gonna be like hey I've been here the whole time in a completely different folder which I have an idea what folder it might be in.

SPEAKER_00

But you know ooh ooh ooh oh damn it I lost it almost I was doing so well I was doing so well I was doing so well but yeah so ooh train of thought gone what was I saying you were talking about how people sometimes feel like I don't care what other people say about me but you think that people should we it's not that we should care but you I okay so what I was saying was that I don't care what people think about me so to speak.

Final Words And Parting Shots

SPEAKER_01

I want to make sure that the what I'm what I'm putting out matches what you're receiving right and so I know that I do know that my face does grimaces and I do know that my face is like tells you like how exactly the fuck I feel uh so don't ask me a question unless you're ready to know the honest answer number one right but uh who am I to judge you boo boo I'm not judging you not at all I like playing with balls you could judge me but see everybody's not built the same way either so you're saying that that the next person who freaking is gonna have a shit fit that uh you know you called her off white you know cream first of all why are you torturing this cat no he's he's playing um you know you know you pee there's people that will will be like uh my dress is cerulean he called it lapis like there's people who are like you know first of all who's getting cerulean and lapis confused completely who's doing that okay we we're we're about to be in uh devil wars pride two season uh may 1st is right around the corner i'm not gonna book of course of course you won't shut out the shot shut don't let me get the fbi you put that red light on me um the blue light yeah so anyway i think i think i think i think this we can wrap this up right yeah yeah i think so i just you know stop judging who the fuck are you who the fuck is you nigga anyway y'all thank you for taking the time to listen to another episode of highly motherfucking melanated the safe space for me the safe space where it's okay to go up somebody's head if you feel like they're judging you wow not you condone violence I was about to say you can for listen Jill Scott said I don't condone violence but for principle we can make an exception wow well the opinions and words expressed are just from PJ and PJ I was gonna say don't don't don't don't go out there touching people and said that Blair said it was okay because she did not I didn't say touching people with with a black putting the hands on people it's a touch this is true I'm sorry I'm stolen looking like a cantaloupe got watermelon heads running around on that note guys peace love and wait did I say everything am I out of order?

SPEAKER_00

I think I'm in order no I didn't say everything no you didn't you did you did amen because I just want to eat this chicken over here peace love and fried chicken grease and judge not lest ye be judged okay or that insert judge judy here sidebar judge judy is a Libra judge now if anybody should be passing judgment it is judge judy okay okay okay and and maybe judge maths I don't know about judge maths that's why I said maybe we'll see you know you don't really know about that name well he's entertaining to say the least