Highly Melanated Podcast
Hosted by PJ, Blair & Red A safe space for you to enjoy every bit of your melanin no matter how "melanated" you are in skin tone, we are ALL Highly Melanated.Come enjoy funny and dynamic conversations that people of color face on a day to day basis with various topics such as loving ourselves, knowing who we are as a people and uplifting each other with a mix of class and rachetness (CLATCHETNESS)
Highly Melanated Podcast
Childless But Opinionated: When Non-Parents Have Something To Say
Ever noticed how your perfectly reasonable parenting suggestions get immediately dismissed with "You don't have kids, so you wouldn't understand"? The Highly Melanated Podcast team tackles this frustrating double standard head-on, creating what they call a "safe space where it's okay to judge each other's parenting skills, even though we're not parents."
This episode dives deep into the unspoken rule that childless adults should keep their parenting opinions to themselves, regardless of how logical or helpful those insights might be. Blair, PJ, and Chris share personal stories of times they've wanted to offer advice but hesitated, knowing their childless status would automatically disqualify their viewpoints in many parents' eyes. They explore scenarios that test these boundaries – from witnessing neglectful parenting on public transportation to deciding when (if ever) it's appropriate to intervene when seeing troubling parent-child interactions in public spaces.
What makes this conversation particularly compelling is how the hosts connect their theoretical parenting approaches to their own upbringings. PJ reveals how his strict father influences his hesitancy to become a parent himself, while Chris reflects on how more structure during his college years might have benefited him. Blair shares the contradictory messages she received about independence from her parents, highlighting how our childhood experiences inevitably shape our views on child-rearing whether we become parents or not.
The conversation takes fascinating detours into cultural differences regarding adult children living with parents, gender disparities in parenting expectations, and even pet parenting as a microcosm of human parent-child dynamics. By the episode's end, they reach a universally agreed-upon piece of advice – "let your children have more fun" – while acknowledging the irony that even this simple suggestion would likely be scrutinized coming from non-parents.
Ready to hear all the parenting opinions non-parents are usually too afraid to share? Listen now, and then join the conversation about whether parenting advice requires firsthand experience to be valuable. Subscribe, share your thoughts, and let us know if you've ever been on either side of this parenting advice divide!
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There's a lot going on. Don't come over here with your bullshit. Now, all of a sudden, Comet has bullshit.
Speaker 2:He always has bullshit. He's a kid, but as a kid I'm going to discipline him Because he knows that he's not supposed to do certain things. You're such a parent and Because he knows that he's not supposed to do certain things.
Speaker 3:You're such a parent.
Speaker 1:And, and is.
Speaker 3:And is, and is.
Speaker 2:Nope, don't want to talk to you. Oh, or that too, he's on punishment. I don't want to talk to you.
Speaker 3:Go back. He's teaching that cat. I'll tell you something.
Speaker 1:Okay, he's definitely teaching that cat like no, because you can't treat, not on podcast day. Uh, comment is part of the podcast, so you can't not today.
Speaker 2:He not. What did he do? Knocked over my plant, oh no, and he didn't do it on.
Speaker 1:It's just that he's curious by the fact that you said he didn't do it on purpose and now you're scolding him. It's a little questionable. It's a little like I'm going to have to see what the ASPCA has to say about this.
Speaker 2:Funny thing is it's not questionable to me, so moving right along.
Speaker 1:Moving right along. It's my cat. I don't know what it is, but I just love being black BJ here.
Speaker 3:What up doe? It's your girl, Blair. You know, Mel Melanin was popping yesterday, it's popping today and it's sure enough gonna be popping tomorrow.
Speaker 2:It's your boy, Red, and you're listening to the Highly Melanated Podcast.
Speaker 1:Hey guys, hey guys, hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of Highly Melanated Podcast, the safe space where it's okay to judge each other's parenting skills, even though we're not parents. Oop, oop, oop.
Speaker 3:And now oop, oop.
Speaker 2:It may be the safe space Y'all can let us know how y'all feel about that. We're about to get cussed the fuck out, but I'm okay, we are, but you know what?
Speaker 1:that's okay pj says come on with it, I'm ready, I'm in my villain era oh, my red suck it, red, suck it red.
Speaker 3:Fuck it, blair.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you gotta say the thing, blair, and the thing is we are glad to have you guys back. Sorry we were not here. We were actually supposed to be here last week. We didn't record an episode. Um, right now, uh, red is being a parent, uh, to a four-legged creature. That is not what he wants it to do, so you'll hear that in the background. Um, but we did record an episode. However, uh, through technical difficulties, we were not able to release that episode.
Speaker 2:Scott, ladies and gentlemen, for you guys out there, he dropped this F-bomb on a random Sunday. Talk about.
Speaker 3:Exactly. He told us like four days after the fact.
Speaker 2:While we were on set.
Speaker 1:We were on set. We were on set. What were we on set for? Oh wow.
Speaker 2:Not the segue. I love how you caught the alley-oo. I'm on alley-oo, blair. I mean, unless you want to do that, I don't know, blair. What were we on?
Speaker 3:set for Go right ahead, go right ahead.
Speaker 2:Okay, all right, you introduce it PJ.
Speaker 1:I start the trumpets. Well in case, in case, some of you are under a rock and have not decided to follow hey girl, hey productions on instagram, there is something that is being released this friday actually tomorrow, uh, which would be April 18th technically.
Speaker 3:Good Friday, it's about to be a good Friday.
Speaker 1:About to be a good Friday. We had the greatest time being under the clean, clear, crisp direction of the beach.
Speaker 2:This is.
Speaker 1:DJ's code for my micromanaging you know what, to be honest with you this time around, you didn't micromanage like you. I tried really hard, you didn't. That's that, and so I think that's. I had the opportunity to be the assistant director so I was like trying to I think I helped with that maybe help like a little bit with the. You don't have to micromanage so much because there's other people here for you that can do this for you and help you with it. But we have something that's coming Well, blair has something that's coming very special to you guys and we have maybe a little announcement to make. And what's that announcement? Chris, wow, you just said give you the alley-oop. I just alley-ooped to you, so stop ooping. No, no, no.
Speaker 2:Side note, I'm just wowing because I'm still in awe at everything that we've been doing with Blair, and so I shall now take your alley oop, now that I've had a moment to just really love everything that this young lady is doing and we recorded an episode of I'm the man.
Speaker 3:What's up, what's? Up All of us singing different iterations of the theme song all together at different times, different decades.
Speaker 2:Yeah, please, I'm only in this decade, I don't know what. You're trying to wrap me into the old crowd, anyway. Anyway, you're trying to wrap me into the old crowd, anyway, I know. So, all right, before you're so offended, no, but Blair, I really had. I just want to really say this from the bottom of my heart. I really enjoyed myself so much. I was telling friends that I was laughing and I was getting dizzy because I was having such a good time while we were still on set, while we were still just talking to each other and just having a good time, and everything that you do is just going to keep getting better and better. So I'm excited to really see how this video came out. Side note, everybody Blair does not do any previews or leaks or anything like that, so we'd have no idea what this looks like.
Speaker 1:Literally none.
Speaker 2:But we're just trusting that Blair put her name on it, so this is why we know that it's going to be really good, so we hope that you tune in for it. Friday at 2 pm.
Speaker 3:That is correct. Thank you both. I really appreciate you guys being there and putting your energy and your effort into the day and promoting it on social media and to the listening audience. I hope that you guys tune in and enjoy. You will find it on the YouTube page. You can get linked to the YouTube page from the Instagram page, from TikTok, from all of that, but the full video will be posted at hey Girl, hey Productions YouTube page, so make sure you go there to see the video.
Speaker 1:Okay, so, before we even go even further, all right, so we got more of roses to give you, as we constantly give you these roses, because you're just so amazing.
Speaker 2:I want you to know that Roses, any type of flowers but you like. Okay, tulips, orchids.
Speaker 1:Tulips, orchids, dandelandelions, you know dandelions but like I, I when, when people okay, so, like those of you who've seen the living kringle and the living single one which was titled living kringle um, and people were like, oh, it looks so professional. I need you guys to know how professional this woman is. Like she play, like she plays we still have fun, but we're here to do something and we are not work, we are not, it is, it is. It is fun and games, but hello, action, quiet on set, like let's go and like for to be number one, to be an actor. You know and know the ins and outs of both sides.
Speaker 1:You once again have outdone yourself and create a space where us as artists, and even us as production artists, can play and have fun and like, really get into the character or get into what you're doing behind the scenes and enjoy it and not make it feel like pressure, not make it feel like, uh, it's gotta be perfect, you know. Not make it feel like it's it's, it's this thing that some people just don't like doing. You know, I, for me, I've been experiencing my own battles of depression and every single time I work with you, every time I work with you guys both, but whenever you do these and we all get. We all get together. It's just a great time and it helps so much. So I love you.
Speaker 3:Oh, I'm so glad and thank you.
Speaker 2:And thank you for having really professional people around you because, as everybody knows, it's always teamwork, so I mean I really, uh, my namesake out there, chris, I enjoy aaron, I do all the people that you come on, have come on set to like really help out so and they do such professional work.
Speaker 3:so thank you, guys. I appreciate that. That's the the whole premise of what I'm trying to do with. But like this, but that's what.
Speaker 1:I'm doing.
Speaker 3:That's the goal. No, it's like. It's like it's. It's. It's an actively moving thing that I am trying to make sure I continuously accomplish is what I mean by working on and trying to see new ways to approach the goal, which is to just be able to connect people and connect visions, and connect people who are creative and technical and people who really shine in their independent crafts and give them a platform to be able to produce work that is related to their craft. So, if they're an actor, giving them an opportunity to act. If they are a video editor, giving them an opportunity to edit a video. If they are somebody who wants to direct, giving them an opportunity to direct, and that's really like what this is gearing towards. So just being able to just connect people to their passions and execute a vision You've created.
Speaker 1:You've created a beautiful ecosystem, and you know that's that's what it's all about, especially, you know, in this life, how do we connect, how do we, how do we do whatever it is that brings us joy and bring a lot of others along for the ride. So, thank you. And it was just beautiful to see you do, for you to go from one character to another, and then out of those characters into production mode and then back into it.
Speaker 1:It was beautiful to see, to see Chris actually become um step outside, step further outside of his comfort zone and be more and I told you this on the backend like to be more of um in your character and in your zone and making jokes that were actually funny, um, and just being just a great cause. I'm usually not funny, I mean don't do that don't do that.
Speaker 1:I'm always, I'm always gonna pick up my brother, no matter what. Y'all know it's all love and he knows it's all love. So don't you out there. You know, if y'all want to defend him, go ahead, come for me. You know where to find me. Um, nobody's out there trying to defend me. Here we go.
Speaker 2:They're trying to defend me. Here we go. But yeah, no, no, no, no. I mean, yeah, I really had a good time.
Speaker 3:That really makes me happy, because, at the end of the day, the main thing that I want is for everybody to enjoy what it is that they're doing. So I'm glad you guys had a good time. Enjoy what it is that they're doing, but also get the job done at the same time. And with each one of these I feel like I'm learning more and more and reaching towards the goal, because the original intention behind me even doing this in the first place was to just get practice with running a production from start to finish, because I know that I'm going to have to shoot my pilot and I was like, well, I've never produced anything before. Let me get my feet wet a little bit to kind of understand how this works. And the whole reason why I wanted to recreate Black 90s sitcoms is, one, because I love them, but two, it it took one piece of the production out of um, out of the mix. For me, like we are, there's already a script, there's already characters developed, there's already, you know, a scene that takes place. So for me, this was really just about being able to do everything that's not related to that, so learning you know how to best direct actors, hiring, production crew, people, all of all of that stuff, and with each one of these I'm learning more and more. And there has always been kind of something behind the scenes, like after we get into post-production stuff, that has been trying. Just say that, not gonna lie.
Speaker 3:I kind of had a little bit of a breakdown because there was the initial thought that there was something that we did not capture on Sunday. But between myself and Aaron we ended up being able to find a solution to that issue. But I also realized that that was an issue that we had the first time on set too. So now I know that I need to. I won't say micromanage, but what was the word that I used with my friend? I said that I I forget exactly what I said, but I worded it differently. But basically I think I need to take more time. I already do take a lot of time, like in pre-production, just kind of explaining to everybody like what their roles are. But I think I need to have more one-on-one consultations with people so that way it can be fully mapped out what needs to happen and that way that'll also help me kind of not micromanage while we're on set.
Speaker 3:But anyway, all of that is you know, it's all. It's all been a learning opportunity. It's all you know. It's all good. We figured out what we needed to figure out and I'm very happy with the end product and we got there, so it's all good. But, yes, I'm very excited for people to to watch and let me know what they think, and then also for you to suggest what you think the next scene we should do is. And the other thing that's also like super cool is just the response from people who want to be involved. Now, like now that people are starting to see it more like I have people like messaging me and texting me saying, hey, I want to be in the next one. Do you need another actor? Do you need this do?
Speaker 3:you need that? First of all because, like I said, like this is like the whole purpose, like it's always supposed to be, like a rotating cast of characters and crew. You know, like you to Aaron and Chris and Noreen and myself and Amanda oh there, I guess there are a lot of repeats from the last one, but everybody's in different positions now and then. Who knows what's going to happen for the last one? But everybody's in different positions now and then. Who knows what's going to happen for the next one?
Speaker 2:you know so so you know all this talk about creativity. So, question of the week, question of the week, your questions as they pertain to you prospectively and introspectively. My question to you I don't know if you guys know, but there is supposed to be a crazy, sexy, cool TLC, the musical coming out. So my question is yay or nay.
Speaker 1:Okay. So, as I've said this numerous times, growing up I am a huge fan of TLC. I had a whole TLC wall, a whole escape wall, and then every other artist was in the other wall. I am here for it. It's supposed to actually start in DC and then they're going to see what's going to happen with it. They announced this today for Crazy, sexy Cool. I'm here for it. It just depends on what perspective and if T-Boz and Chili are actually actively involved in this as well, as everybody are actually actively involved in this as well, as everybody who had a hand in their upbringing, which would include Babyface, which would include LaFace and maybe Pebbles.
Speaker 3:My question is is what exactly is the musical about?
Speaker 2:I think it's supposed to be about. Well, this headline says TLC. The musical crazy, sexy, cool. New adaptations of Damn Yankees and Pal Joey will play arena stage. And that is pretty much it. They're just celebrating the iconic girl group.
Speaker 1:And it's just weird because it's just like what story can they tell that? That's what I would like to know group. And it's just weird because it's just like what story.
Speaker 3:Can they tell that? And that's that's what I would like to know. I'm like, what story are they telling in musical format? Because if they just want to do like a melody of their songs, then just say that, but like a musical is a story told musically. So what story are they going to be sharing?
Speaker 1:I mean that could be done, because in the heights is basically like there's alicia key's music in in the. I mean, is it in the heights? No, that's not in the heights. Hell's kitchen. In hell's kitchen, um is at least the alicia key story for the most part, um, and it has her is it?
Speaker 3:what do you mean? The alicia key story like?
Speaker 1:I mean, she's the producer and writer of it.
Speaker 3:That's, that's, but like what is the, what is the musical about? I don't know. I didn't want to say that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:It's like it's one thing to have somebody involved and to have like their music as like that tells the story along the way, because, like, for example, when I went to go see Juliet, which was amazing, juliet is, see, that it's so, it's so good, please go see it. Juliet is the story of what would happen if juliet had not killed herself. You know, at the end of romeo and juliet like what if the suicide thing had like never happened or whatever. So it's like a brand new story. It it's a continuation and the story itself is about like her, like finding her independence and be and learning to like, you know, beyond her, like this whole thing.
Speaker 3:And then the music part of it was all different hits from like the nineties and early two thousands like pop hits. So it was a lot of Backstreet Boys, it was a lot of NSYNC, it was, you know, a lot of like songs that like I recognize. But the song that they sang fit with that part of the story. So, for example, again it was so long, it was a while, I saw it a while ago. But, for example, if again it was so long it was, I saw it a while ago. But for example, if the storyline and the part of the story was when Juliet is saying Romeo comes back at some point and tries to get back together with her and she's like nah, I moved on, I'm good, I don't need to be with you anymore. Blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 3:And then the next song they sing is bye, bye, bye, don't want to be a fool for you, just another play, and that's, and that's what they did. So it's like the song that they sang fit with, like the part of the story that they were telling. So if they did something like that and it was all tlc songs, that's cool. But like I don't really know if I person and I love, I love tlc down. Okay, love tlc down. I personally I love TLC Down. Okay, love TLC Down. I personally am not interested in seeing a musical of how they came to be a group, how they went through all the bankruptcy stuff, like all the ups and downs. I personally am not interested in seeing that in musical format. We already have the movie version.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right, and all of the interviews and everything.
Speaker 1:So that's why I'm interested to hear or see what the actual musical, what the plot of the musical is, but also, like here's the thing I, I, so I I'm a kind of against it because left eye is not here, so it's like her input is not, is not part of it and that, like we all know that she was the major creative portion of that group. So like I am on the, I'm here for it because I mean I love them, but like, exactly like, what stories could they tell?
Speaker 3:Like what story are you telling?
Speaker 2:Well, that's exactly why I asked it, because I mean, I love tlc too and I think, um, I was. Of course I went straight to the comments just to see what people said, and you know, of course, there was one comment in big capital letters, like no one asked for this nobody asked for this, so there's so many productions and and pieces that are like that, where it's just all like, hey, we're gonna do this and everybody's like why?
Speaker 3:but the thing is at the end of the day, if they can make even a little bit of money from it, they gonna do it, okay, oh?
Speaker 2:yeah, absolutely. But you know, I, I guess, I I am. I just wanted to know if it was a yay or nay, because it, you, the, the three of us know that it is not about just the money. So what is it that is drawing you in? Like, when you're doing musicals like that, especially about a particular person or a group of people, you're usually idolizing them because they are no longer with us. Like I can see like a big thing about like Whitney Houston, right, I can see if it was something about left eye, but it's you still have everybody. Like two-thirds of the group is still here. So what are we? What are we saying? Like their story is not really done. So I was just curious it's also trying to.
Speaker 1:I guess it's also trying to introduce a new generation to them as well like still keep their name like alive and like tlc forever kind of situation.
Speaker 3:But like yeah, I mean, I agree, I see it, I can see, I don't, I can't say yet yay or nay, yet I need I, I have more questions, I need more information, I need more information, but I'm kind of leaning towards nay. I mean they're they're.
Speaker 1:They have certain songs that can go with certain things, like certain storylines, and create it like you know, like, but it's just. Yeah, I mean, if they're gonna do a musical one day, do, if they're gonna do that, then they might as well just do like the wendy williams musical. They might as well do like this is what I'm saying like where do you?
Speaker 2:where do you draw the line? You start, you start doing kendrick lamar the musical like you know.
Speaker 1:Just you just don't they're gonna, they were already going to.
Speaker 2:Well, there's an escape biopic still coming, but you know which is a bit what I'm saying is is that their story is not done yet. Like, imagine them saying we're gonna do a kendrick lamar the musical kendrick lamar would just be he. He's still doing things that people are like in awe about. You know what I mean, so whatever, I was just curious yeah, well, we'll see what additional information comes to light what comes?
Speaker 3:up.
Speaker 1:I mean, maybe it could be something that has to do with you know how, like they used to in their fan mail album. In their fan mail album, in their fan mail album, they started off talking about how parents were saying, uh, they didn't approve of kids listening to their um, their music, because they are the crooks and the thieves and the thugs of stage, um, so maybe it might be from that perspective, who knows?
Speaker 3:We shall see. So, with that being said, because we love a segue around here, I'll tell you what set them up and knock them down. As you heard PJ mention at the top of the episode parenting, and as Will Smith infamously once said, parents just don't understand. Side note has anybody listened to Will Smith's newest album yet?
Speaker 1:So here's the thing I listened to as much as if I could while I was on the bus going to work and then once I got there, I was like, yeah, I'm good, there are some, I'm not going to lie, there are some good songs on there. Like there are some decent bops, like I mean, like he does make decent music, would I do I remember them today?
Speaker 2:No, but it's like when did you listen to it today?
Speaker 1:No, this was like two weeks after it came out. I was about to be done.
Speaker 2:It just came out, didn't it.
Speaker 1:It came out last month.
Speaker 3:It just came out, yeah, last month, no, like the end of March, I swear it like just came out like a week or two.
Speaker 1:And here's the other thing Time is moving so fast. I was about to say time is flying, maybe it like just came out like a week ago, and here's the other thing Time is moving so fast.
Speaker 2:I was about to say time is flying.
Speaker 1:It could have came out two weeks ago and it feels like.
Speaker 3:That's crazy. That's crazy.
Speaker 1:It came out the end of March, right.
Speaker 3:March 28th. You're absolutely correct. So, anyway, I just thought that was interesting. But here's the thing. So, as we were beginning um, talking earlier, uh, and brainstorming about what we wanted to talk about today, I got the idea in my head. I don't even remember what were we. What were we saying?
Speaker 3:Oh, bj was scolding chris for the way he's quote-unquote parenting his cat, and I got it in my head that it's just one of the things that we as adults without children, often run into is whether or not we should voice our opinions or our thoughts on how to parent.
Speaker 3:Essentially, yes, sorry, chris, firmly yes, I know me personally. I always, I always preface whatever it is I'm going to say by saying I know I'm not a parent, but here's my two cents, kind of thing. And I think society has really kind of drilled that into me and, I'm sure, many other people, specifically because we were taught to not give value to what it is that we have to say, because we don't have that same shared experience. But we always say that the highly melanated manner is a safe space in order to express whatever it is you want to express. So we wanted to take this opportunity today to say all of the things that we want to say about parenting, or about how to parent, or opinions on parenting, or our opinions on how other people parent, without fear of being shamed or scolded or told that we shouldn't be saying this or we don't have the the authority to say anything because we don't ever get to say anything. So this is our opportunity to say those things.
Speaker 1:So this is the we listen, but don't judge.
Speaker 3:Parenting advice.
Speaker 1:Parenting addition without children.
Speaker 3:Childless parenting.
Speaker 1:Listening and not judging, but very much judging.
Speaker 3:Essentially yes, because for me I do do that. I always say, you know my friends who have kids I'm always, and not always, but like I do kind of feel like, well, do I really have? Is it really my place to say anything? Because I don't have kids, so I can't tell a parent how to parent. But along with what you were saying, chris, I do think that advice should always be welcomed, but in this case, when the advice is coming from somebody who doesn't have kids, that advice usually isn't either heeded or welcomed or given any kind of validation or weight.
Speaker 2:Anyway, that's the topic today.
Speaker 3:I just want to see what y'all think about that.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, let me start off by saying I think the one of the main problems that people have, anytime you're giving them any type of advice, you know it doesn't whether it's kids or something else, and you're not necessarily a part of that demographic, that community or whatever I think the first thing that people are looking for is they want to be respected. They don't want to be told by somebody else that don't have no type of experience in that, that you know, this is what you, what you need to or don't need to do, and I think that's where a lot of the advice goes on deaf ears. You know, because, like you said before, we're all adults that are don't have any kids at the point, at this particular point in time. But I am a firm believer that you can still give advice. You can still tell somebody that this is probably there's probably a better way, because we were all kids once.
Speaker 2:We all know different parents and different families and different households, you know. I also think that you know, I guess, that it's possible to understand someone's like a different perspective, because not everybody and not every parent is a good parent, you know. So, if you're, if you're using that logic and like, not every parent is not, the is not not the best parent, then there's gotta be people out there that kind of understand and can level set and be like, hey, this would probably work a little bit better. Yeah, can we?
Speaker 3:start there, because I think it's. I wish that there was a way, just like you have to take a driver's test, a road test, in order to get your driver's license, to be able to operate a car out in the public with the rest of the world, I firmly believe that you have to take some type of parenting class or take parenting lessons or something before you become a parent. I think that the world would be a much better functioning place and we would have better well-adjusted people in the world if some type of something were in place before. People could just have kids.
Speaker 1:Mind you, chris just muted his mic and told his child out no, okay.
Speaker 2:Wait, wait, wait, wait. I know that this is a complete side note, but so people and PETA and all the other animal lovers out there don't get on my bad side or try and come at me sideways.
Speaker 2:I'm disciplining my cat because the cat is a kitten. The cat is doing things as a any kid would and I don't want him to get away with it. So he needs but he needs to learn boundaries. So I'm not giving him any positive reinforcement right now because I don't want to hear that you can just go about your house and go about your day and just do whatever you want, not in this black household. Ok, continue.
Speaker 1:You know, and as a doggy parent, I can get that, I can, I can understand that. I can get that because lately this little bitch, she's been getting on my nerves and yes, now I'm calling her a little bitch. Normally I'd be like she's an angel, but like yeah, wow, wow, Well, let her poop in your bed. Just because you went to the mailbox and didn't take her and she was like, oh, you're going to go outside by yourself, nigga, you know I got to go, oh, here we go.
Speaker 1:Not poop nuggets in the bed. I mean like, and they came and I went downstairs to go get it and she ran to the door thinking she was coming out, we were going outside, and I said, no, no, no, be right back. Came upstairs, she pooped in my bed, so like, yeah, I, I, I get the positive reinforcement now. Did I need to throw her across the room? Maybe, depending on who you are? Um, does she is coming for you? Does she come to me now when I say come here, girl, girl, and she looks at me like I don't know, I don't trust you yet, nigga, because you've been, but she's been fucking up a lot. So, like, as a, as a parent of a pet, I get it, it just it just depends on how far you throw them and and you know let me stop, let me stop I I jessica blair tate white.
Speaker 3:My full government name. My full government is neither condoning nor nor participating in the brutalization of animals or children.
Speaker 1:And it's not brutal. It's not brutal for real, Like I'm not. I'm not punching her in the chest or anything like that. You know my.
Speaker 1:God could you imagine. But you know what To answer to. To go back to the actual human children scenario how about this? Okay, here's a scenario, and this just happened on my way home and I'm like so you're sitting on the bus. If you take the bus, so I'm gonna yell a bougie y'all, um, but you're sitting in a public space and something happens with the child when they're with their parent, and the parent is not paying any attention to the child, like they're on their phone, they're like doing whatever else that they're doing, but their child is in a wheelchair, not a wheelchair in a stroller, and they're acting out. Now, mind you. Ok, so here's a scenario I'm on the bus and it's a little blonde hair, blue eye child, so we'll just leave it there. Um, so I have my you know already my like, do what you want kind of situation. But the child is in their stroller, but they're barely strapped in. The mother is on the phone and her other son is sitting next to her and her back is at this stroller, which is not facing, in my opinion, the direction it should be. It's facing towards me. It should be facing towards her as the parent, so she can keep an eye on this child.
Speaker 1:The bus does this thing and the child hits his head on the metal part of the, of the, the, the seat, the pole, yeah Right, the. The mother is on her phone still, and there's a woman that's sitting across from me and both of us are just sitting here like flabbergasted because the mother is not paying any attention to this child and this child is screaming for their dear life. And now, as this blonde hair, blue eyed child, I was gonna say pasty. As this child is sitting there, you can see the bump and the thing that's starting to form on their head. And so she turns around, she looks and she can barely see. She's not really looking at him, but she, like she does this thing in his hair where she goes, but she's still on the phone, so she's not paying attention.
Speaker 1:And the other kid is like, why is he screaming? And I jump in and say it's because he hit his head on the, on the thing, and you're not paying attention to your child. You should be not on the phone. You should be paying attention to this two-year-old child in this stroller, which number one he was really big. But still am I overstepping boundaries by me telling her what she should have been doing, because I'm not a parent, but I'm still a human. And I see that this blonde-haired, gray-eyed child um is hitting their head and touching things that they should not be touching but, again, should not be because I'm not a parent. But you know, hey, what would y'all do?
Speaker 2:I.
Speaker 1:Hmm, because I felt bad for the kid.
Speaker 3:So I think I would have done half of what you did. I would have answered the question why is he crying? He's crying because he hit his head. Did you see that? He hit his head? But I wouldn't have done the second part where I said you should be paying attention to your child. Why not? Because I don't necessarily feel like it's my place to tell another, to tell a person what they should or should not do with their child. I can offer advice on what I feel like the best practices, but I don't feel like it's my place regardless of whether or not I have children. But even more specifically, because I don't kids to specifically tell them what to do, Because I'm not in their shoes. I don't have the same experiences that they've had. I don't know what else they were going through that day, but I would bring it to their attention that something happened to your child and I would probably imply that they should be paying attention. But I don't think those actual words would come out of my mouth.
Speaker 1:We're told to hold for a second, and he's still in silence.
Speaker 2:Can you hear me?
Speaker 1:Yes, we could have always heard you.
Speaker 2:No, no, there was a moment, all right, no, but I agree. I agree with Blair, I think it's half of it. I think the problem that people have is the delivery of it and then people feeling like they're being chastised. Them people feeling like they're being chastised and that brings up feelings of inadequacy and other emotions, and then I think that's where people get combative, because here's what I do agree with we don't have kids, so we don't know how tired that parent is. We don't know how much issues like is going on, you know, in their personal life. So, yes, they have the baby and they need to take care of the baby and they're doing what they can do, but that might be their best. They're worried about bills, they're worried about so I can get. I can kind of see parents having a hard time because they're there's so much on their plate and they're being pulled in so many different directions, right she's, she's becoming absent-minded.
Speaker 2:And here you are, instead of just saying to them hey, this is what happened, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Um, you know, can you be careful? Or whatever is the nice way of saying that and being mean about it. I can see them now wanting to be irate.
Speaker 1:So let me just trump this, let me just up the ante a little bit. So I sat here and watched this child for five minutes crawl basically almost out of this stroller and hold onto this pole and the bus is just a swaying and a moving and the mother is on the phone, facing the opposite direction, paying attention to the other child, stroking their hair or doing whatever, while this child is doing all these crazy things and spitting um, and I'm not gonna see it because, again, I don't know, this child may have and this and that even adds more to it. They may have some type of like. You know why is defect the first word that comes to my mind, not defect, but that's not.
Speaker 3:They might have some type of behavioral issue.
Speaker 1:OK, there we go. Why am I sitting here? Like defect, but they may have some.
Speaker 3:Your child is broken.
Speaker 1:Maybe the child is broken, maybe the child is broken, you know, send it back to the manufacturer, but I mean.
Speaker 1:So I hear what you're saying because I feel like, and if I'm sitting here watching this happen and you're like, okay, maybe she might turn around and see something. And I'm not, you know, I'm not gonna sit here and go out of my way. Um, I'm human, yes, but you know I'm not going to sit here and go out of my way. I'm human, yes, but you know, maybe if it was a black shot, I'd be like, hey, man, man might want to pay attention to your kid.
Speaker 3:Even then I wouldn't even know if I would say that, like I don't think I'd ever say, to say that like you need to pay attention to your kid, I would. I would bring it to their attention that their child needs to be attended to. So like if the kid's like hanging on the poles and you know, man, your kid is your child, is you know about to hurt themselves, or something along those lines, like the implication of it being get your kid without saying the actual words get your kid, but I'm also, you know, but I'm also, you know, I'm.
Speaker 3:I ain't nice about it, so I was gonna say I'm too nice about things, I'm in my villain era, so right now, everything is coming at a head, but go ahead, okay but you know, so it's.
Speaker 3:I've also. It's funny because I've been having these conversations with a friend of mine. Y'all know Noreen, the baddest beach. I've been having these conversations with a friend of mine. Y'all know Noreen, nay Nay, the baddest beach, the baddest beach. I've had a couple of conversations with her recently because she has four children. All are three-year teenagers. One is a preteen.
Speaker 3:So she's going through that moment in her life where she's dealing with teenage and almost teenage boys, which, god bless her. I pray for her every night because my sanity could not do it. Um, but there are things that that she does or that that she doesn't do, that I have said to her like, oh well, I wouldn't have done that, or maybe you should think about doing this, or maybe this would be the way to go about this. Oh, they did this. This is how I would have responded to that. And I have to step back and think about, like huh, like I'm telling her all of these things that, like I would or would not do in the different scenarios that she's giving me, but I also do not have the same experience that she has. Like, I have not birthed these children out of my body. I don't have that connection to them like that.
Speaker 3:And I've always said that like you can always say you know what you hope or think you would do in a situation, but you ever never actually really know what you are going to do in a situation until you have to do it. And I even told her the other day she's she's going on vacation with her kids and they're going. I'm sorry, I'm going to tell the story. She said that they're going on a cruise and she said that, like all of their kids, her and her husband have like a balcony room. And she got all of her kids like balcony rooms too and I was like wouldn't have been me. I said I would have had the balcony room and they can come in and see the view. But what do they? What are they getting a balcony room for?
Speaker 3:I agree you wouldn't get them a balcony room. I was like hell, no, I'm lucky, they got a window, they lucky they got a port side window.
Speaker 2:Okay, come here kids, come sit inside this amazon box. I I got you. Okay, listen when you pay for something.
Speaker 3:And so that was her point. That was her point. She was like, well, I want them to enjoy the experience and I, and if I can be able to give them the most enjoyable experience, I would want to do that for them. I was like I hear you, you know what I do, hear you, and it's easy enough for me to say these things not having any kids and not having to pay for these kids, right. But I wonder and I have admitted that maybe I would feel differently if it were my child and I did. I did have this, a similar shared experience.
Speaker 2:But OK, but, but no, I'm going to have a rebuttal with that, because I'm not saying that I necessarily disagree with why is it so hard for you to disagree with Blair?
Speaker 1:number one, let's just get into that for a second. Okay, because every single time you disagree with me.
Speaker 3:We have a similar way of thinking.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, no no, no, say what you got to say. Say what you got to say. Listeners, y'all have known.
Speaker 3:I think TJ is a little upset. Y'all have known us for about seven years.
Speaker 1:And every single time he was like I agree with you Blair, I agree with you Blair, and it's just never. Like you know, I disagree with you Blair. Like always, he disagrees with me.
Speaker 2:Are you done? He's about to be demolished. Between the two of us.
Speaker 3:Look at him. He Look at him. He's trying to tear us down.
Speaker 2:Never. He's trying to draw a line between us. Go ahead, man, all right. So I understand Noreen's perspective, but my whole point with what I'm going to say is that doesn't mean that your perspective and what you might bring to the table isn't valid, correct, and that's part of the problem, because, you know, is a parent giving their child everything without having to work for it and not do anything and not earn it? That's going to create another problem down the road, as opposed to you know what. This is a special occasion. I don't mind getting this balcony for all these kids yep, you know she's raising little boy blue ivies.
Speaker 1:They don't know what a ceiling is know what a ceiling is Go ahead.
Speaker 3:You can't bring Beyonce in there, hey girl. So this is the other conversation that we were having. Last week we were having a conversation about parents who let their adult children live at home. We were talking about that specifically. I forgot this conversation again. I know I'm bringing it back up because I was very adamant about I'm not living my, I'm not letting my adult child live with me, because I personally would feel like I had somehow failed them or done them a misjustice. If they are adults and can't stand on their own feet, how adult are we?
Speaker 1:talking though.
Speaker 3:I'm talking 40 years old.
Speaker 1:Well then, that's different. I mean wait, wait.
Speaker 3:when you say live with me, that's not a child, that's a man. I didn't say child, I said your adult child, your grown child, because I know and I also understand that there's a different cultural aspect of it, like I know that, like in some cultures you know, children, no matter how old they are, live with their parents until they get married and start their own family. So, regardless of whatever age they are, they're at home. I get it.
Speaker 2:I understand that.
Speaker 3:I understand that there's different like, cultural, like asked he said fifth flows there's different cultural aspects of it, but I want to try to keep it as cut and dry as I possibly can. I feel like, because we were talking about they were like well, what if they went off to college and then they moved back home after college? I'm also kind of iffy about that, but that's just me, I'm also. I'm I'm also kind of iffy about that, but that's just me, I'm also. I w, I'm not, I'm not going to say it's a hell, no, but I, I, I need you.
Speaker 3:If you are coming back to live at home with me, I need to know what the plan is. What is the plan? Like you're not coming back here to live with me just because it's what's comfortable, like I need there to be a plan. Like, are you here because you know you're saving money, because you are just starting in a new job and you want to, you know, concentrate your funds into being saving for it? Like what? What is the plan here? If the plan is to just live at home with mom because it's convenient, I'm not with it. I'm not with it.
Speaker 3:But if the plan is that you're at home living with mom, because you again I still kind of feel like kind of weird about it. But that's also because I had a very and again I understand it's like a lot of like my parenting, or my theoretical parenting experience is shaped on how I was parent and what type of child I was. Like I was hyper independent and I feel like if I could do it, why can't somebody else?
Speaker 2:My mother lived with her parents, grandparents, for the majority of her life, but my mother is also an immigrant.
Speaker 3:I came from Jamaica.
Speaker 2:And so it was a way of making sure that they saved money and they did what they needed to do to make everything work.
Speaker 2:My dad was brought into the mix by my mother and it was funny because he was kind of I think that he was a little against that when he first met her like I'll be living with your parents and stuff like that, but you know, not to put all of our business out there, but like you know he right, you know our, our business out there but like you know he right, his family dynamics, like you were saying before, on an individual basis, on an individual level, was completely different.
Speaker 2:So there was a thing where he didn't trust people.
Speaker 3:He had a different experience.
Speaker 2:He had a different experience until he met my mother, was with my mother for the longest. It was, like you know. Know what these people are cool and not bad so they was able to better make ends meet and it actually just worked out, even though they were grown adults living in the household together with them, and not not for nothing.
Speaker 1:It was also enough space, because you won't be able to do that in like a one bedroom apartment exactly but let me say this okay, so like I'm all here for um my daughters, um living with me right, not your sons. Um right to an extent. Pause hold, please, so my daughters can stay with me just as long as they ain't no one. Number one is having sex in the house, while in my house no one, male or female. That's just not happening Really.
Speaker 3:Why is that?
Speaker 2:Period.
Speaker 1:Because it's my house. I don't want no child that I had anything to do with them coming in, for them to be bringing other people into this world under my roof motherfucking. No, I'm not responsible for that, but no, I don't think now, mind you, because I've you know, I'm one of the people who's had sex in my parents bed, so I don't want that stuff coming back to hit me. Okay, but here's the but, here's the but, here's the bigger part of it. Like, um, if you are like and we've talked about this in the previous episode and I think this is when we had, because we asked um, when we had heidi and charles on, and that was like the first question we asked her about um, would you let your kids, uh, stay with you and you know, and she's got twins, I mean, well, she has grown kids. Charles has a set of twins, um, from what I remember, I think, right anyway. So, like, I am here for them staying with me. I don't know about till 40, I don't know about that um, but like, if till they get their stuff and I see them actually trying to get theirs, they're saving, they're doing what they need to do, then you as a parent, that I don't see a problem with it. Plus, I'm getting old so I'm gonna need you to take care of me. Um, or don't move too far, like my, okay.
Speaker 1:So, prime example my cousin Christine shout out to Christine, cause Christine listens. Christine lives with my aunt. Christine once had her own place and now Christine lives with my aunt. Um, and now Christine lives with my aunt with two of her kids.
Speaker 1:Yes, and you know it's, it's, it's great because she's there to assist in things that go on in the house and Christine is also over 40. But Christine also does want her own space, but my aunt says she could stay there as long as she wants to, as long as she's helping taking care of the bills and she's taking care of her space because it's a. You know it's a house, so it's not like they're all in a, like we said, a one bedroom apartment. But at the same time, there does come a time when you know, especially if you are a parent with children, unless this is like a three family house, like not like you're gonna have, like you can have a floor, but as far as like, I don't want to. I want to be able to walk around like all natural I don't want to have to like cover myself up because my child's in the house like absolutely not talk to me about why it's slightly different for your daughters than your sons.
Speaker 1:You were knew you were going to come back there, because you were not ready to let that happen?
Speaker 3:I'm just curious. I'm very curious.
Speaker 1:I don't want to hear my daughter getting banged out and someone calling no, no.
Speaker 3:I'm not talking about sex. I'm not talking about sex. You said, first of all, I don't want to hear none of it, none of it, none of it.
Speaker 1:I don't want to hear. None of it. None of it, none of it. I don't want to hear. No, you said, you said that your daughters can live with you, and then you were like your sons can't. Like there was like a kind of like a differentiation between so they can say they can, up until they get to a certain level of, ok, what, what's going on with your finances? What are you doing, because I'm not going to be here for the rest of your life? How are you supposed to take care of you yourself and your family if you create one Daughters and sons? That's across the board? I might be contradicting myself. Maybe I might have forgot what I actually said five minutes ago.
Speaker 3:I usually do that. Y'all know me well enough to know this is how I operate sometimes.
Speaker 1:But I think that and maybe this, OK. So this is my toxicity showing. In order for a man to be the provider, he needs to learn how to provide for himself. Ok, in order for a woman to be a provider, she does need to learn how to be provide for herself. I agree wholeheartedly. As a father to a daughter. Mind you, I have no children. Um, I am more lenient towards like I'm not gonna. I wouldn't beat my daughter, but I would beat the shit out of my son. Oh my god, listen to that.
Speaker 3:But I, and whoever disregard this this is going in a lot of different directions today. Huh, I'll let here's my.
Speaker 1:Here's my answer. I'm gonna say it like this because this is your fault, blair. You know you ask me these open-ended questions and I start to ramble um. I just think it's better um for me, and maybe you can help me, me teach me how to do it right, even though you don't have children either, right?
Speaker 3:I don't know if I necessarily I have the right answers.
Speaker 1:But I don't. I just don't think that I think like I need. I need my sons to be grown men and be able to provide and be able to live and be able to succeed on their own. I don't want them having to rely on anybody else to take care of them. I will give my daughters a little bit more leniency with that, because I want them to remain soft and pink, Problematic.
Speaker 3:Heard it as it came out. That's very interesting Heard it as it came out. That's very interesting. We're going to have to unpack that in another episode. We will not need to.
Speaker 1:That was all you listeners out there.
Speaker 3:Stop yelling at me, OK you know, you know what I think like the root of where we kind of started with all this is and this kind of goes back to what you were saying before too, chris was I think that, no matter what your exact experience is, people have opinions that are valid, people have advice that can be sound. But I think the problem is is for parents who are receiving whether it's solicited or unsolicited advice from somebody who does not have kids themselves. The simple fact that they do not have kids makes it that much easier for that parent to dismiss that advice, and I think that's the thing that I have an issue with.
Speaker 1:And I come from this. I'm sorry I'm taking up too much, so much of time, because I know Chris hasn't said a word right, but he also comes from such a perfect family background that we don't really care about what he's got at this point, right now, I'm playing, I'm playing, I'm playing, I'm playing.
Speaker 3:PJ is planning on just being completely problematic today. Villain error.
Speaker 1:Y'all villain error. Um, I forgot what the fuck I was gonna say.
Speaker 2:You're lucky you busy trying to stir up the pot and freaking be toxic.
Speaker 1:You did it to yourself, I know, I know, hey, hey, I did, I did.
Speaker 3:But no, what I was saying was that I think I think that's the thing that I take issue with is just because I do not have children doesn't mean that my advice isn't good advice or sound advice or logical advice. And you using the simple fact that I don't have kids to make it easy to dismiss what it is that I have to say is hurtful and worrisome, and troublesome.
Speaker 1:Now, ok, I remember what I was going to say. Now I'm also coming on on the vantage point of an educator. So I may not have children, but I see your kids day in and day out, and the way you parent shows, in the way that they react when you're not around. So what is it that you're doing or not doing? That's letting these kids think that they can talk to me any kind of way Because I will talk to me any kind of way, because I will. So like there has to be some level of what, what? What is it that you're doing or not doing? How can? And granted, they'll say, do you have kids? Because if you ain't got kids, you don't know nothing. I don't have kids, but I see your child every day and obviously they're acting like their parent doesn't do anything to discipline them. So what is it that you're doing or not doing? Or allowing them to talk to elders in a way that they shouldn't talk to, because I'm not your equal, who?
Speaker 3:the are you talking?
Speaker 1:to sorry, I've got personal.
Speaker 3:Oh, just got hot at hunter the color there, didn't you?
Speaker 2:well, listen, I'm glad. I'm glad that you said that, because I think that I think that is exactly my point. You don't see, my thing has always been about perspective, and so you just mentioned the fact that, as an educator, you see different sides of these children. That maybe all right, you have your three kids to deal with, but you deal, you PJ or whatever, whoever that is, the educator that I'm speaking with deals with 47 every single day and you're talking to those 47 kids and you see correlations of things that this kid does and their kid does and you can sit down and say, all right, well, this worked on this kid, maybe it can work on that kid.
Speaker 2:And people, like I said before, they don't want to hear it because of two reasons. One, it makes them feel inadequate, because I don't believe everybody should be a parent, but then I think it also it means that they have to do work. It means that they have to do work, to sit down and parse through things. It's just like anything else. You, being a parent, addressing racial undertones, being politically you know correct or knowing about politics, it requires you to be really detailed, really get into the nitty gritty of everything, and I know that it's hard, but you have to at some point say, ok, let me see if it works, in order to be a better person. Otherwise, your kid suffers.
Speaker 1:And then if your kid suffers, society suffers.
Speaker 1:I'm telling you it's your fault, parents, it's your fault, but parents just don't understand they don't, and it's like I can, so maybe okay, also, as a person who was raised by a grandparent and with different morals, different objectives, I can. If you put here I'll use me as an example, if you put me aside of and even though we're different humans, there are different. There are things that I would and would not do based on how my grandmother raised me, versus there are things that my brothers would and would do Fuck, wouldn't. Because they just feel like they could do whatever, and they have gotten away with things because my parents didn't raise them the same way my grandmother raised me, and so I. You know, and this is this is reason twelve hundred twelve thousand four hundred twenty eight why I don't want to have children. So I did at one point and then I realized I wish people would stop asking me why don't I have kids? Because I suck dick. No, that's delete.
Speaker 2:You just too busy sucking up the kids. That doesn't even come out right either. It's terrible. All right, delete. This broadcast has been brought to you by condoms, correct A warm towel?
Speaker 1:Ew, wait, okay, okay, okay, let's be serious for a second, completely serious, all right, I think. Okay, let me ask you a question, all right. So I already gave one scenario. Second scenario You're in a store and this child is wiling out and a parent decides to discipline them in front of you. Are you judging? Are you saying, oh my God, you shouldn't do that, or are you like get?
Speaker 2:the ass. I'm going to the parent and be like can I hit him too High five?
Speaker 1:I guess we're the only ones Blair's. Like ma'am, you should be beating your children. Are you walking up to someone and telling them what they should?
Speaker 3:and shouldn't do. I'm not. I'm not telling them what they should or should not do. I mean, are they disciplining their child or are they just straight up abusing them? Abusing them because if they were abusing their child, yes, I'm gonna step in. But if they are like disciplining their child and are they taking that discipline up to the extent of abuse, maybe I'm not jumping in. But if they're outright abusing their child, yes, I'm going to, I'm going to interject. But if they pop in their kid and they smack in their butt and they're, you know, like get over here and all of that, I might look at them sideways, I might look at them at the corner of my eye, like you doing a lot.
Speaker 2:Talking about what? Talking about the kid?
Speaker 3:No, the parent.
Speaker 2:I think. I think that it's deserving if, depending on like see there he is.
Speaker 3:Like, if it's excessive, like I can see, like you know, like a quick, like swat, or like a yank, like get over here like they're a fly you know, like a, like a or like a. You know, get over here, but if they over here like motherfucker, I told you to stop doing that shit no, that's not okay, stop it.
Speaker 1:I know I'm not you know, that reminds me of that scene in baby boy, when he was beating him and, uh, omar, um gooding's character was watching him and he was feeling the emotion and that's also triggering. And that's another conversation about how, like, how we raise children is based on how we were raised, you know. So, like, go ahead, go ahead, chris, I keep cutting you off.
Speaker 2:My bad, no, I just no, it was okay, because I was trying to put my thoughts together.
Speaker 3:I think it also I want you to know I hurt my hands doing that, so imagine how a child feels.
Speaker 1:It's going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you.
Speaker 3:Just saying I'd like to. I know our viewers didn't see my demonstration, but my hands really hurt right now Like they're red this generation needs it, though.
Speaker 1:Sorry, that's another conversation.
Speaker 2:I just think that it's really dependent on understanding, like the whole picture of that kid, and I think that's where, like, the parent's argument comes in with you're, not a parent, you don't understand. Understanding like the whole picture of that kid, and I think that's where, like, the parents argument comes in with you're not a parent, you don't understand because while they did whatever they did in the store to that, that kid and you're, you're sitting there, you're like that's a little excessive. You didn't see all the other stuff that would happen in the car prior to them getting into the store, where the kid wouldn't stop, wouldn't do whatever he was supposed to do, Even after he was told several times.
Speaker 3:But does that?
Speaker 2:Sorry, and he almost crashed the car because you know he's doing the most and the mother or the father is just trying to pay attention to the road.
Speaker 3:But does that give that parent permission to beat the shit out of their child because they took them to that level of frustration?
Speaker 2:I'm not saying that, but what I'm saying is where is the gray? It's a gray area.
Speaker 3:It is a very gray area.
Speaker 1:It is. I agree it's a gray area.
Speaker 3:It's pretty blue, black and blue. Where is the?
Speaker 2:gray, because you have some people who think like the kids shouldn't even get a little, like you were saying a little swat or a little pow-pow or whatever it is. I can't tell you how many times. Well see, I didn't need to be disciplined often, but there was one time.
Speaker 2:Same. There was one time I was out with my dad and my sister. He popped you good, didn't he? And I'll never forget it. And it's so funny because I didn't think that I don't even think that I was doing that I necessarily did something wrong, but I think he felt that I was mistreating my sister with something. I was about 10. She was about 4. And he didn't like that. And when this man freaking grabbed me up by the freaking shirt chest shirt and then put me onto the wall, lifted me off of the floor and went boom.
Speaker 1:He was just like Officer Ron. How could you?
Speaker 2:He was just all like you think that's funny.
Speaker 3:Officer Ron, don't play that shit. I don't know what's even happening? Officer Ron, don't play that.
Speaker 1:OK.
Speaker 2:He was like you think that shit is funny. He was like she could have got hurt and da, da, da, da and I'm like you know I'm a kid, so I don't even the issue or whatever, but I'm sitting there against the wall, my feet are not touching the ground, my sister is holding on to him like what is going on? There's people around looking like like you were saying before giving the side eye but understand that I think okay, so I'm gonna act like I'm.
Speaker 1:I'm officer ron for a second. What if he's doing this from the perspective of no man is to put their hands on your sister, including me.
Speaker 2:But, but this is what I'm saying, right, and this is why I was saying what is? Where is that line in the sand? Maybe he just wanted to make sure that I don't do that ever again. Whatever it was, because to this day I'm still kind of confused as to like what it was.
Speaker 3:But, but, but as a kid, but that's also a parenting thing. That's also a parenting thing if you don't punish your children.
Speaker 2:Make sure they understand what it is that they're being punished for no, but see, what I'm saying with that is that maybe as a kid I didn't get like why it was. So, you know, I I don't know what really happened Like it wasn't that big of a deal, so I couldn't make that connection back then. You know what I mean. Like maybe I pushed my sister out the way and he didn't like that, and now he's all like no, we're not going to have this happen again. And so he disciplined me on the spot.
Speaker 1:Did you learn your lesson? Sure, yeah, putting me on the spot. Did you learn your lesson? Sure, yeah, I mean. So let's have Alex call. Let me call Alex right now. Wait, no, she was just sitting there like I don't know what's going on.
Speaker 3:She was like I was chilling. I don't know what was going on.
Speaker 1:She was walking in a bubble.
Speaker 3:Next thing I know daddy had hemmed my brother up and I figured he did something to deserve it.
Speaker 2:I don't even know if she remembers that moment. All I know is that I pissed him off. That's why I remember the moment. I was all like what did I do to make him so upset?
Speaker 1:Can you do me a favor? Can you call her on speakerphone right now and just ask her?
Speaker 2:She's not going Okay.
Speaker 3:This is an acquisition, she's not going.
Speaker 1:Okay, this is the acquisition, he's not let her know that she we're recording, so you're, you're texting her first such a brother.
Speaker 2:No, I'm just going to call her, because otherwise I don't even know if she's actually going to pick up. Let's see.
Speaker 1:Treating you like Michelle and we're calling Beyonce.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:You're lucky.
Speaker 2:I'm not any type of lucky.
Speaker 1:She's not gonna remember but if she does, that means it was traumatic and you needed to be smacked or whatever it was. Nope, she didn't pick up, okay. Okay, I'll cut this out, don't worry, it doesn't matter but, but, but, yeah, but.
Speaker 2:But there's been, there's, there's. There's situations like that where it's just all like you're, the parents are at like their wits end and they're like no, we gotta freaking find a way to end this. But I do agree with you, blair, in a sense, that you can't just use that as a you can't just be wailing on people because are they making the connection that they shouldn't do whatever it is ever again?
Speaker 1:So between between Officer Ron, black Daddy, and for Blair OK and Reverend Mother shout out to Black Daddy.
Speaker 3:For those of you who know that is my father.
Speaker 1:for those of you, who know that is my father, okay, whenever. I say my biological birth father.
Speaker 3:Okay, don't get, don't. Don't. Don't be out here trying to make something out of nothing.
Speaker 1:Please don't, all right people we will find you and Reverend mother. For me it's, it's. There are all these different parenting styles and let me ask you guys individually um, how do you think your parents parenting style affected you? As if you were to have children? Let's like, let's use words, let's try that again.
Speaker 3:We're gonna rewind a lot of words in there. I don't know if any of them meant anything. They really did okay pause, Pause.
Speaker 1:Okay, there was lots of words. I know they just didn't correlate. Leave me alone. Okay, Listen, I didn't even smoke, but I feel like I have um based on how each of our parents raised us. If you were to have children and you repeated how your parents raised you, would other people look at you crazy?
Speaker 3:I mean, I think I turned out great. So no, I don't think other people would look at me crazy, but I think it would be exactly like what we're saying there are things that they would do and there are things that they wouldn't do, and there are things that they would have done differently okay, let me work this question differently, because I want.
Speaker 1:I want a specific answer.
Speaker 3:I see you want a specific answer no, okay.
Speaker 1:Do you think he's about to beat his cat? He's got to beat his cat, did you just kick her? So that's the other thing?
Speaker 3:I think that's the other thing I was going to say. Who is her? I said him.
Speaker 3:You said her Wow as there were things that my mother did in raising me that I would and would not repeat with my hypothetical child, and there are things that my father did with raising me that I would and would not repeat when raising my hypothetical child. And there were things that my parents did as a unit that I would and would not repeat when raising my hypothetical child. And there were things that my parents did as a unit that I would and would not repeat.
Speaker 1:Do we care to say what those things are? We can be a little bit more.
Speaker 3:I think my mom and again it's just like what we were saying at all it goes back to, you know, how each of us grew up individually and how my parents grew up. My mother grew up, you know, very Southern Baptist and I don't think I don't even think I know that she was not a fan of me being as independent as I was, of me being as independent as I was. She might say differently now, but when I was in college and got my own apartment, she was livid about that. She was not happy about that at all, because she didn't think it was proper for a 20 year old woman to be living on her own essentially year old woman to be living on her own, essentially.
Speaker 3:My dad, on the other hand, very much instilled in me the importance of being able to take care of and provide for yourself. Okay, and that was different messages that I got from the both of them. But my mom also essentially defaulted to what my dad allowed. But she was look, at the end of the day, it's cheaper for me to live off campus than it is for me to live in campus housing. Aren't you trying to save this money? And my dad was like hell, yeah, I'm trying to save this money, go get that apartment. And my mom was like I don't think it's proper, I don't think it's right that she should be living in an apartment, she should be living in school housing. And that was already an issue, because she was like why is she not living here at home? I ain't living at home, but anyway.
Speaker 1:Wait out of curiosity, how far is University of Michigan from where you run?
Speaker 3:20 minutes.
Speaker 1:Oh, you should have been living at home.
Speaker 3:No, thank you.
Speaker 2:Why are you trying to tell her that I know?
Speaker 1:I know no, thank you.
Speaker 3:He was just trying to tuck in. That, I know, I know, I just he was just trying to. He's just trying to tuck in my craw there, um, my craw, but anyway, that's there.
Speaker 1:There's an example what about you, chris?
Speaker 2:I just got myself really like backwards but, all right.
Speaker 2:I like the way that everything has turned out, and when I say that, I'm not just talking about myself, I'm about the way that, like my sister, the way that my sister was brought up and what she's doing with herself. I think my parents could have been a little bit more. If we're talking about doing something differently I don't know how they would do it but finding a way to make us more focused, because for me, a tough point in my life was just trying to figure out how do I put this? Trying to figure out stuff on my own, but how you wanted to like Blair, like how you were saying that I wanted to go away and you wasn't going to stay at home and you was going to get your own apartment or whatever. I probably didn't need that. It was a whole point in my college career where I was like I'm going to just do whatever and I was not ready.
Speaker 1:But the difference is because no difference is her mother said it's not proper for for her daughter to do that, Like right. Well, she, because she wasn't doing that with your brothers.
Speaker 3:I can't say for certain, but probably not. They didn't. They never did that. My brother lived in the dorms the whole time he was in college, so we never were in the exact same scenario, but I would be willing to say that my mom probably would not have pushed back on him if he wanted to move off campus encouraged it and then you know you were okay with living off campus and being your own apartment.
Speaker 2:I don't, probably. I don't think that I necessarily needed that. I probably needed to be at home and I probably needed to be a little bit more focused, because the way that I would have dealt with school would have been totally different because I think I mentioned this before on on one of the previous episodes as well.
Speaker 2:I'm actually comfortable with now, but I actually did not do well in school the first three years. I was too socially charged for a kid that was not really socially charged in high school to begin with. I interacted with a lot of people. Yes, I was always a part of different teams baseball team, peer mediation. I was bridge to medicine. I was always doing something because I am good at those things. But when you threw me into the fire, where it's like now I can party and I can do whatever, I did not do well and I had to stop school and I had to go back later on. So school actually took longer for me than what it probably should have. I would not change anything, though, because I picked up some valuable things. I joined an organization that I love. You know it's so. You know I wouldn't change that, but I think I would. If I had my own kid, I think I would be keen on that, like are you really ready to go away to do all those different things? I'm totally different now.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Great, and you PJ.
Speaker 1:I am not. I am not questions, okay. So I was about to say, I was like you know that we was about to let.
Speaker 1:He's live, my God. So thank you guys for taking the time to listen to it, but I'll say okay. So I will say this without, like you know, I know my father was extremely stern and he Okay, sorry, my dad was extremely stern and he OK, sorry, my dad was extremely stern. The reason, and he is one of the reasons why I never wanted to have kids, because I was afraid that I would repeat this cycle of abuse and abuse to the point where people in the store are like yo, nigga, are you OK? Period Like pulling him to the store, are like yo, nigga, are you OK? Period Like pulling him to the side, like you know, or I, I if, if I had to think about times and I think about this all the time, to be honest with you, like you know, I know I'm pretty stern and I'm very lenient when it comes to certain things, but I know I'm very much about discipline and like, and I I even treat my friends in certain I. You know, you guys both know, and other people say, say to me if, if PJ is around, that ain't going to happen?
Speaker 1:Um, and mostly because, like, I feel like I'm parenting in a way, but also that's part of the thing that I wish I didn't have to do when I was younger. I wish I didn't have to be so mature and help raise my brothers, because I too, when I went to college, became so social because I was never allowed the opportunity to just go out and have friends and, like I fucking never went anywhere. I went straight home, came straight and helped my brother with his schoolwork, helped cook dinner, dinner, pretty much cook dinner or do whatever that was needed to be done, because my parents worked either day and one, work night and when, you know, whatever else. I'm not gonna go into too much detail because that's very, very personal, but, um, I wish that things could have been different, um, for things like that. So it might have made a difference in me. Maybe I would have been more inviting and more wanting to have kids because, you know, like you know, parents do their thing.
Speaker 1:Like hey, I know that my mother's love language is pointing out my flaws, um, and I know that there's a portion of me that it it comes through, like in my constant need to correct people when they use words wrong.
Speaker 1:Like I know I get that from her. Um, so, like, there are things that, like, I wish that they didn't do, because then maybe I wouldn't be the way that I am, um. But there are things that I am glad that they did do, um, because it has taught responsibility, it has taught me how to respect people and it has taught me to lie, lie, wow, in reference to how I feel about myself and how I, how I feel about others, so I can feel safe, how I feel about others, so I can feel safe, and so I'm. It's weird to say that, but that's like the best way I can say it without like really throwing both my parents under the bus, because I wish, I wish that I was able to have more fun, maybe, that maybe I wouldn't be so fucking goofy now if I was allowed to have a lot more fun as a kid. That's why I'm a big kid now.
Speaker 3:So wait a minute, let's, let's, let's, let's. Ended on this full circle moment as now. That is sound, universal advice that I think everybody can agree to is let your children have more fun, right? I still feel like that universally understood piece of advice still comes with a bit of a side eye from a parent. If that advice is coming from somebody who doesn't have kids like if we were to say to our friends who have kids, you gotta let your kids have more fun, they would be like okay, but they kind of look at us like who are you to say that?
Speaker 3:but, if another parent said to them you need to let your kids have more fun. Yeah, I know, I know I do, and that's that's my whole point. That's that's that's where I'm coming from with the whole thing. I think that advice from us because we're childless gets scrutinized whether it's good advice or not. It gets scrutinized differently for the simple fact that we don't have kids. But I'm glad that we have this safe space between us to be able to say all the things that we either do say and get judged for, or the things that we hold back and wish that we could say for fear of judgment.
Speaker 1:Listen, I'm glad we had to say space, but I want y'all to judge, like, judge me, say something, because, listen, I don't care. Okay, I'm gonna tell you. You know, and again, this is what I get from my mother. See what I mean. See judgment oh, goofy, ass nigga shut the fuck up, bitch, listen, listen I'll turn.
Speaker 2:I'll turn right right around and tell them, like they don't need to Oopsy ass, nigga, shut the fuck up, bitch, listen, listen. I'll turn right around and tell them they don't need to have more fun, work harder. I'll give them the exact opposite. Then they need to be doing things.
Speaker 1:So which one are you going to choose? Now, they're going to need to have a job. He's only seven, so what? He can be making money right now.
Speaker 3:For what he can get a paper route. They don't have papers anymore.
Speaker 2:Well, figure it out. That's something I say all the time. Your child needs a job. I tell the cat he needs a job. Go pay for this royal canine, Listen.
Speaker 3:Not this royal canine.
Speaker 1:You have a cat, sir, I have a canine. The name of the brand is raw canine. Oh the the, I don't, I don't.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry, I don't I don't feed my my.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you are I don't feed that, my animals, that cheap stuff. I'm sorry, um, on that note, I'm playing. I'm playing. Please don't beat me up. He's's going to hit me y'all.
Speaker 3:He is.
Speaker 1:He is, he is, he is.
Speaker 2:No, no, I don't do child abuse.
Speaker 1:Because I'm a goofy ass child. Is that what you're talking about? On that note, motherfucker. We're taking the time to listen to another episode of highly motherfucking melanated.
Speaker 2:This is a motherfucker for me Okay.
Speaker 1:The safe space where it's okay to say, hey, excuse me, I wouldn't do that if I were you. And also the safe space to say mind your motherfucking business, you childless motherfucker. Don't say that to me.
Speaker 3:Don't say that to me because you there's a lot that was said there safe space and this is a safe space for now.
Speaker 1:There's a lot that was said there.
Speaker 3:Safe space there's a lot that was said there, and this is a safe space For now. Wait until, just wait until we start getting responsive Bring it.
Speaker 1:On that note as always, guys, you can hold out, because guess what? One more time on, at 2pm Eastern Standard Time on Friday, April 18th. Ren-a-det ren-a-det, you'll be getting the second installment from hey Girl, hey Productions.
Speaker 2:Ren-a-det. Ren-a-det what's up, what's up, what's up.
Speaker 1:Okay, y'all will be pleasantly surprised, and you know. Let us know how you think about it. Let Blair know we're really entertained. Let Blair know, please share, do all the things, blair, if you want to Like, comment, subscribe All of that stuff.
Speaker 3:Watch it a bunch of times.
Speaker 1:Put your stuff on repeat and then go to the store and let it play back and forth, back and forth.
Speaker 3:You know that would be lovely. I'm trying to get monetized y'all full transparency.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to meet the eligibility requirements for monetization on YouTube but you guys are going to be thoroughly, you're going to thoroughly enjoy what we got, what she's got in plan for us. Say we I keep saying we no baby, Say we.
Speaker 3:You are an active participant.
Speaker 1:Yes, but this is all you. This is your baby and we are here to help raise your baby.
Speaker 3:It's my baby. It's my baby, but it takes a village.
Speaker 2:Uh uh, y'all hear that it takes a village. Uh uh uh, y'all hear that it takes a village to raise.
Speaker 3:It might be my baby, but it takes a village.
Speaker 1:Look how all of that really does come full circle.
Speaker 2:Yeah, now take the damn advice parents out there.
Speaker 1:On that note peace, love and let your kids have more fun.
Speaker 2:Let your kids have more motherfucking fun.
Speaker 1:But still don't forget to get the switch every now and again.
Speaker 3:My hands are still red.
Speaker 1:Damn, they really did a number on me.
Speaker 3:I would not wish this upon any child. That shit hurt, and I did it to myself.
Speaker 1:It's going to hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you. Thank you.