Highly Melanated Podcast

Melanated Boys Club: Health Beyond the Scale and Aesthetics

• Highly Melanated Podcast • Season 5 • Episode 158

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Life's unexpected twists often leave us navigating new paths, and this time, we're exploring those shifts without our beloved co-host, Blair. Imagine considering a career in mortuary services amidst Libra season's astrological shifts. As we recount lively past episodes, including discussions on not emasculating Black men, the absence of Blair is palpable. Yet, laughter and candid reflections on adult responsibilities keep our spirits lifted as we ponder personal growth and potential career changes.

Our conversation naturally gravitates toward health and fitness, where the focus is not on numbers but on overall strength, endurance, and well-being. From societal pressures and the influence of social media to the essentials of resilience and grace during setbacks, we share our unique journeys. The dialogue highlights how self-perception is shaped and reshaped, with a specific emphasis on understanding health beyond aesthetics. We tackle misconceptions, particularly the belief that pain is a necessary part of fitness, promoting a healthier, more sustainable approach instead.

As age and busier schedules challenge our ability to prioritize personal health, finding routines that suit individual lifestyles becomes crucial. We share personal anecdotes about fitness accountability, embracing aging with peace, and fostering supportive communities, especially for men in fitness. Emphasizing the importance of setting personal goals and offering oneself grace, we celebrate the uniqueness of each personal journey. Join us for this heartfelt exchange, where we cherish moments of growth and connection, always striving to make Blair proud, even in her absence.

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RED / Chris:

I got it, okay, yeah, sure.

PJ:

Whatever this is, so off the rails.

RED / Chris:

Blair, we need you.

PJ:

No, I think we'll be alright.

RED / Chris:

There's no organization. There's no organization, blair, we need you.

PJ:

I don't know what it is, but I just love being black BJ here. What up, doe, it's your girl, blair. You know, my melanin was popping yesterday, it's popping today and it's, sure enough, going to be popping tomorrow.

RED / Chris:

It's your boy, red, and you're listening to the highly melanated podcast hey guys, hey guys, hey guys.

PJ:

Welcome back to another episode of highly melanated podcast, the safe space, where it's okay to just go off the rails at this moment and embrace chaos, embrace chaos. That's a good one. Pj is missing, that special someone.

RED / Chris:

Aww, red is missing, that special someone that is Blair and that special someone is Blair.

PJ:

That special someone is Blair and, as you can hear, the last time we did this was that was the one where it was just us. The episode was called Don't Emasculate black men. If you know, if you take back and listen, that's I think our like sixth or seventh episode. Um, and blair was not here, um, because she was doing um, she was shooting for she was doing the reality show, she was doing she was filming in atlanta.

PJ:

But anyway, blair is unfortunately unavailable at this episode. Um, and in her words, and her words exactly, was she said don't forget that one unicorn, because I refuse to call us monkeys, uh, don't stop no show. So she encourages us to record still, um, so we're gonna try to make her proud in every which way.

RED / Chris:

So, for those of you who tune in to here's blair's voice, um, you just gotta ask we, we would have waited, but you know, you know, we decided to, you know, venture out into the unknown waters of disorganization dis. Disorganization and just chaos.

PJ:

No, yeah, we would have waited, we really would have. But we're also, like we say before, our schedules are getting adultish, like really adultish, it's getting crazy.

RED / Chris:

So, pj, so what's been up with you? How are you doing today? This past week?

PJ:

um, this past week I've been okay, so we just okay, so we can talk about it right, because blair doesn't understand any of this stuff. So so today's going to be an episode of just stuff that, like we would normally talk around Blair.

RED / Chris:

And she wouldn't talk with.

PJ:

Blair and she would look at us like, ok, so we're, we're, we're approaching, and I'm talking my sky, shit, all right, astrology and stuff. So, during this Libra season OK, as you know, it's still Libra season, we are Aries, capricorn, libras and Cancers we're like going through this like major, like evolution, so to speak, and I've been kind of feeling this way as well, like I've been feeling stuck. I've been feeling like how can I, what can I do to adjust myself? I've been feeling like, you know, there's people that I interact with that I no longer want to interact with, their hobbies and things that I do that I no longer really want to do, not including podcasting or anything like that, um, and trying to really figure out.

RED / Chris:

What do you think is the evolution?

PJ:

I'm trying to figure out the next stage, the next phase of what it is. I want to do what it is I want to. I want to create or be a part of, or learn and, like I've said this before and I think I said it, I said it while we were talking but not recording like I'm, I'm looking into going to school for to be a funeral director for, for mortuary services, and I'm thinking I'm leaning more into that. It's just a lot of schooling and a lot of a lot of words that I A lot of schooling, a lot of how long schooling?

RED / Chris:

How long is the school?

PJ:

About two years. It's about a year and a half, you know what's crazy about it?

RED / Chris:

You know that time is just going to fly by.

PJ:

It's going to take so long and then you're going to be graduating and I'll be sitting in the crowd, that's my brother and so I was watching this TikTok and this guy he was an Uber driver and he was kicking somebody, he was kicking out the car and he was like I'm a medium and I don't know what it is, but I feel about like 10 hundred souls on you. And she goes could it be because I'm a mortician? He's like yes, yes, yes, cause it was heavy, he was feeling it and he was like yes, yes, so I'm going to need you to exit the car. I'm so sorry. And she was understanding and I've been starting to feel not negative about it, because I actually really enjoy the aspect of being a part of or helping someone lay their loved one to rest.

PJ:

It's just the bullshit that comes with it that you know the corporate air quotation stuff, that you know like your, your face, because you know what my face does when I'm annoyed. You know it shows it. So, yeah, gasp, gasp. Who would have thought, um, yeah, so it's just. It's just that Like, do I really think that I could do that altogether? Would I be? I would probably want to just do removals and embalming, but then it's like how do I want to deal with dead people in that way when I don don't like watching gory, slashy, bloody stuff, but the people are already is it?

RED / Chris:

is it, is it already? Is it gory? I wouldn't think that it's gory, like everybody comes in their own ziploc bag well for a person.

PJ:

So we're gonna so in the future episodes I already have who we're gonna have on as a guest. Um, shout out to you, dean. I'm not sure if dean listens yet or not, um, but he's um funeral director up in harlem, um, and so, like there's, they come in a body bag because they're they're removals. People come and pick them up and it's the. I've I've seen dead people before. I've seen them as they're being prepped.

PJ:

Um, I was in the room when one funeral director was um, he was asking me questions and he was just talking again. He had his embalming room open, um, and I was just curious, and he knows that I'm interested in it. So he's like, come on in and, like you know, show me little things here and there that he can't show without being like you can't be in here kind of situation, and it's the forensics that I'm really interested in. So that's the science nerd in me kicking in, you know, okay. So, yeah, I think you should do it. Yeah, I'm leaning more towards. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. It's just like you know, you quit your job to become an actor. You're not an actor anymore.

RED / Chris:

You're a producer and now you're a mortician and a teacher. You know that's the thing about like actors. They just have so many different types of jobs and things that they be doing, so to me it doesn't even surprise me, me being an actor. I would just look at you and be like, oh okay, and how's that? Like you know, how is this particular stage in your life right now? So that's pretty dope.

PJ:

What about you, sir?

RED / Chris:

Cool, cool. This past week for me has been really, you know, pretty chill. You know, as you guys know, um columbus day, indigenous people's day just recently uh passed, uh, so I feel like you get your. I feel like you get your weekends, um, because we're just so busy and you're rushing around trying to fit everything in, You're trying to have fun, get rest, clean up, buy the things that you need, do whatever, run whatever errands that you need, and before you know it, you wake up and you're like, oh my God, it's Monday again. So having that extra day was so crucial to me because I was able to like, really like deep clean. I did some meal prepping, you know, because I'm trying to um, yeah, I did some.

RED / Chris:

I did some. Um, I cooked multiple meals because I'm tired of eating out.

PJ:

So I was able to get some done, you know.

RED / Chris:

Oh, my God.

PJ:

Can we just talk about that for a second? Like just, can we just talk about that for a second? Like just, yes, the idea, the idea of like really like having to cook your own food um, I love to cook. There are moments where, like, I don't feel like it and that I think that had a lot to do with like depression and shit like that. Um, so I just didn't, I didn't, I haven't. So I like finally cleaned out my kitchen, I mean my refrigerator and I'm like, damn, there's all this stuff in here and then having to like get off. When I was on my way home today, I actually stopped at the store to buy food, to get something to eat, and instead of going food shopping, like I'm starting to go meal shopping yeah yeah, you know.

PJ:

So the shopping, so the food doesn't go to waste, because that's what has been happening.

RED / Chris:

You got to really have the foresight, and it's hard to do that, especially when you're so exhausted. I know I like to say this to a lot of people a lot of times, because I guess there's some part of me that feels like I could always be doing more. But when I look in retrospect to like all the things that I do, I do a lot of shit. I work, I'm working out, I'm making sure family's okay, I'm hanging out with friends, I'm cleaning up, I'm, you know, auditioning, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. Sometimes I'm staying later past work. So, you know, you're, you're, you're really drained, drained, and so to do all of that and then sit down and say, all right, I'm gonna cook food that's good for me, as opposed to I'm gonna just eat this peanut butter and jelly sandwich man, because you know I love a good peanut butter jelly sandwich shit, I'm sorry it's, it's, it's tough, it's.

RED / Chris:

I mean, and and I agree, peanut butter jelly sandwiches are good, but it's just all like to keep eating that when you have a goal in mind. You know, I got on the scale and I was all like all right, let me get back to it so today's secret word is Blair, because every single time I say Blair, please take a shot y'all.

PJ:

But that's one thing I admire about Blair so much, you know, is Blair, because every single time I say Blair, please take a shot y'all. But that's one thing I admire about Blair so much she does these meal preps, she really does it, and it's like I admire people who have that tenacity. So if you keep doing this and you keep at it, I'm sure you're going to hit your goal. What is your goal? Weight.

RED / Chris:

I don't really have a goal weight per se, like so this is what I tell people. I don't have a goal weight, but, um, I'm 215 right now. Um, my goal weight in terms of if, if it, if it can go to, towards the aesthetic that I have in mind, it would probably be about like 180. The problem is is that wait, you're five.

PJ:

You're five, eight, five, nine now five, six yeah okay so.

RED / Chris:

But the problem is is that when I, when I was 180, when I left, when I had lost all that weight and I was, and I was 180 before I didn't have as much muscle mass. Now I have more muscle mass. So to be 180 with this more muscle mass is probably where I would want to be right now. But I'm not complaining. I just want to look the part. I just want to be toned, I just want to feel good, I just want to be strong. So if I weigh 7,000 pounds great. Can I be on the cover of GQ magazine? I don't know. Can I be on the cover of GQ magazine? I don't know. So I mean, ultimately, weight does not have, like doesn't hold a place in my head as to what it should be. You know what I mean. A lot of people hold weight into like very high regards, but it's really about like, how healthy you feel, how strong you feel. You know all of that, your endurance. So, and then eventually, looking the part, because all of our weights, it sits differently on all of us.

PJ:

So yeah, because I think majority of men we stash our testosterone. Since as we get older we tend to lose testosterone, then we stash it in our love handles, right, and I just just, oh my god, you're grabbing them now. I'm gripping, grabbing them now and jiggling them no, you see me jiggling right as I'm doing this oh my god them suitcases yo.

PJ:

But for real, I think it's. It's. It's hard, especially like when you have social media that says six years ago you were skinnier and you know you were doing all these different things. And I think that for a long period of time, especially when it comes to like health, I was always focusing on like my weight, like what's my weight, target weight number, like what do I want to be? I want to get to this, and the older I get, the more I realize that it's really not about weight as much as it is about strength and endurance, like you just said, because I'm 230, you know, and it fluctuates right now from like 225 to 230. That seems to be like my where I'm at. But I've lost a lot of muscle mass because I'm not going to the gym, as I said, I would um during the summer, like even when I was posting out my tiktok, like week one. This maybe that was like 12 weeks ago we're still at week one, guys oh god don't worry

PJ:

yeah. So it's like, how do you find time? Like that's why I was like loving when we would go to the gym together. You know, even I would come all the way from brooklyn, go up to the gym with you, um, in harlem, um, because I think the older we get, the the like. I think that for me I can only speak on behalf of me, um, the importance of it changes. Like I'm not doing it to look good for somebody.

PJ:

I used to, you know I and I'm doing it more so, and especially now that I'm working in this industry for more health reasons than anything else, you know, like especially when, from what I can, the conversations I have and I ask these, these questions all the time, different funeral directors, I was like, okay, so can you tell just by when you're prepping the body what the day died of? You know, and how? Yeah, you can, you can tell if they they were drinking too much today, was a smoker, if they were on drugs, if they Ate too much or did eat enough there. You know there's certain colors that your organs change. There's a lot that goes in it and I'm so interested about that, um, and I just want to really just be a very just, much healthier, without having to beat my ass up like constantly break my back.

RED / Chris:

I don't want to be sore and in pain, um, but you got to go through that, right um, I mean you, you kind of do, but, like, I think people have a very have a big misconception about like physical help, a lot like with, with, with even just mental health. Um, side note, we can always go back to it, but the question of the week was going to be question of the week, question of the week, your questions as they pertain to you prospectively and introspectively. We're going to put the question on the back burner, but I wanted to marinate and for you guys to think about it. Question of the week is do you think Orlando Brown is actually crazy? Oh my God. No, okay, it's mental health. We're going back to physical health now.

PJ:

Wait, wait, we're pinning. I think it's wild though.

RED / Chris:

But no, but everybody has this misconception about physical health. I think they feel like in order for it to be effective and for it to work, it has to be painful. And I think for people who live a very sedentary lifestyle or job that they have, you might get a lot of pain up front, but after a while it subsides. When I go to the gym now I really don't get, I'm not in pain like that. I might be tired, I might be fatigued, you might get a little bit of pain, but a lot of people feel like no, no pain, no gain, like the people live by those words.

PJ:

Nope, it's not real it's so and it's so crazy because you look at, you, look at some of these, uh, these instagram, uh, uh, what, what is it called? Uh, words are just never my friend these days. The trainers, right, the Instagram trainers, who constantly show all these different routines. There's a YouTube channel that I follow especially for and I'm afforded to you because it's like guys over 40. Welcome to 40.

RED / Chris:

Excuse me, did you just curse at me?

PJ:

The what over 40.

RED / Chris:

Welcome to 40. Um, and excuse me, did you just curse?

PJ:

at me. The fuck, look here, negan. Okay, negan, no, but like, like it's, it's all the exercises that I used to do, like in my 20s and in my 30s, in my 40s. It doesn't mold my body the same way, you know, and it's because of also, like, the longer it takes to process food, the processed food itself. You know what? What am I actually doing? I'm now really starting to implement cardio into my workouts, um, when I actually actively do go, um, and I'm doing a lot more walking in general, like when I walk, when I walk the dog, I walk her a lot longer than I normally would, and and it also wears her out, cuz I'm happy because I walk her without a leash and she's you know, she's that well trained, but I still Need more air, you know. So let me what. What is what has been your biggest challenge as you? So let me what. What is what has been your biggest?

RED / Chris:

challenge, as you, when it, when it comes to like, as I get younger.

PJ:

Ok, imagine as you will, but like what has been your biggest challenge, especially when it comes to like your health and as you get older.

RED / Chris:

As you've gotten older, because you're getting older, I, I think how dare you double down on that. Welcome to the, welcome to the, welcome to the best decade of your life.

PJ:

That's what I keep.

RED / Chris:

That's what everybody who turns 40 I think I think it's going to be an amazing decade actually, but, but, um, I agree with you, but I think I think the hardest thing for me has been I know it sounds so cliche, but finding time. It's so hard because, as you get older, if you well I won't say that I was going to say if you're doing it right no, because everybody's life is different, but I feel the majority of successful people that I have interacted with, and and success success is, is a very broad brush in but all the adults that are adulting and living their best lives, they just as they get older, they're just getting busier and busier and busier. So it is. It is the job that you started out at entry level, you know, but it has now turned into two promotions twice, you know, two or three times over, you know, you have, you now have kids. So now you're always on the go dealing with your one, two, three, four, some people have five plus kids.

PJ:

My brother has seven.

RED / Chris:

You know, you know I can't even count that high. You know that has seven, you know, oh, you know I can't even count that high, you know. Uh, so it's, it's dealing with whatever is going on, like, you know, even in in the way that this, this country, is set up. Now, you know, there's just even the modern world I won't even, I won't even single out this country but just in the modern world, you know, there's so many other factors to think about.

RED / Chris:

And so I find that, like every time I get up and I try and do stuff that's, you know, to my health, I'm always in a debate with myself like, do I have enough time or do I want to devote enough time towards that?

RED / Chris:

And it's a constant recommitment and a constant repromise to yourself to say, hey, I want, I have a goal in mind and I want to be healthy and I want to look good and I want to feel good. I mean, one of the things that you just said, you know, and hit the nail on the head, is just the walking right. My parents still talk about it all the time they go, you know, when we were I won't even say younger, but just when they had more time, whenever that window of time was, they would eat and then they would go out walking, you know, just to walk around and just get fresh air and stuff like that. They're starting to do that now more because they don't have the responsibilities so much of watching so many elders. They don't have the responsibility of watching after the kids Right, and me and my sister are grown. So it's like fitting, you know, doing that makes it makes a world of a difference.

PJ:

I feel like getting. I feel like I'm at the stage where I need a Fitbit just so I can count my steps, so I can be like an old person. That all they talk about is I got to get my steps in. I got to get my steps in. But you know, I think I guess it is important. I mean, that's what they say.

RED / Chris:

I think it's just holding. You know, it sounds cheesy and very campy when you say it like that, but it's really a way of just showing having a certain level of accountability Wherever you fall on that spectrum. Right, because you know the person, the old lady who's like you know I got to get my steps in, or whatever. You know that she ain't doing that much walking, but she's conscious enough to saying that hey, hey, I need to keep moving because it is important um, I mean the, the conversation about like you have to a body in motion stays in motion, you know.

PJ:

So, like I realized, especially during the pandemic, you know, when we were even though the pandemic is basically what four years ago, we're still feeling the effects today right, and how that, how that shifted our mindset, shifted our like, how we operate and what we do. Um, and during that time is when I became such a hermit, so it was like I mean, there was also, like internet apps that you know, that I was able to be a part of and then have a lot of people to talk to, but it was like going outside wasn't a priority, and I find myself sometimes still slipping back into that. Um, especially now that the weather is cooling down and it's getting, you know, we're, we're here in, in fall, autumn weather, sweater weather and I, I okay, I feel like which is my favorite time of the year, not because, again, a king was born and Halloween, but it's because I can layer up and I can feel I can be fat and not worry about, like, my insecurities about the shape of whatever my body is doing this day, because there'll be some days where my arms look really big and my chest looks really big and there'll be days where I look pregnant, you know, and I hate that. About eight months Listen, about six months, you know, like it's starting to show, you know, and it's just like, granted, I don't do sit-ups, I've never been the person to do those. Maybe I should start, I guess.

PJ:

Um, I don't do squats. I've always had a big butt, um, but because I live on the fourth floor of a walk-up, like when you lived on the fifth floor, what was the point of doing squats? But I do realize that, like my legs are getting smaller right, and, like I said before, I'm losing muscle mass because I haven't I'm not doing the same workouts that I was doing before, but I'm also learning to love the body that I'm in and loving what I see regardless. So it's a weird balance, you know.

RED / Chris:

I would say to all the people out there that are listening I think that you have to just say to yourself that you're going to make time. I think that's the hardest thing you know just to yourself, that you're going to make time. I think that's the hardest thing you know just to say that you're going to make time and to understand that it doesn't necessarily mean that you're 30 to 40 minutes of a walk away from work. Closer to 40, 45 minutes walk from work. I tell people all the time sometimes I'll just walk home. People always, always look at me like I'm crazy. You're going to walk home. How far is home? I'm like about 45 minutes To me for me.

RED / Chris:

As long as I have the time, why not? I think it's a moment where you can get some cardio and get your steps in. But it also provides an opportunity for you to think so, yes, there, I do get up early in the morning and I go to the gym and I might even do cardio there, but as long as I'm afforded the time, I will walk home as well. That way I can just get that extra steps in and all of that is cumulative. That builds up. This is not like oh my God, like. This is the, you know the silver bullet. You know you just need to add it. But let me ask you, pj, what do you think is paramount? I mean because, because we're talking about it now and blair is not here what do you think is paramount to men's health? What do you think is like we should be doing more? Because I feel like there's there's a good, a good amount of men that are out there that actually do get active and are working out okay, so we're.

PJ:

I'm gonna unpin the comment about orlando now, right, oh, okay, it's, it's. There's something that he said that I think is really it. It's paramount, and and the video that I think we're both talking about is um, when he was sitting there talking to someone and he was like just sober mind, clear-headed, and he was saying, like you know, you pay for what you get. So if you want me to do a, b and c, I'll be this person. If you want me to be, whatever, but if you're not gonna, if you, if you give me 500, you're not gonna get the intellectual if you give me five hundred dollars, you're not going to get the intellectual.

RED / Chris:

You want me to be happy? I'll be happy, I'll be drunk.

PJ:

But OK.

PJ:

So like I think that what's paramount with that is knowing the spaces that you're in and being comfortable with yourself first and not being and not having to live off of expectations of others not being and not having to live off of expectations of others.

PJ:

So I think that's paramount, especially when it comes to our health, because a lot of from studies show that you know especially us as black men stuff down even though they had to lower the medication because I didn't like the way it was making me feel and it was making me very groggy and super dehydrated.

PJ:

So I'm worried and become more stuck in my head about, you know, just everything and I think first it has to deal with. It has to start with you first being comfortable where you are presently and then shoot for a goal, like you were saying before, like if you have a goal, then after you make that, you have this goal. Now what are the steps you're going to take to achieve it and follow through and be okay with, like I know this is a multiple answer because you know I just just talk so fucking much um, being okay with, like, falling off the wagon. Um, because it's your life. No one says you have to do anything at this specific speed. You, unless your doctor says, um, but you have, give yourself grace, so many different answers.

RED / Chris:

I'm glad that you said falling off the wagon, because I think a lot of guys I mean just people in general but I think a lot of guys will just look at something and just say, well, I couldn't do it. So you know, back to, you know, back to square one of me not caring about my, my, my journey, my, my health journey, and what's funny about that is is that you will fall off the wagon. It's almost bad, it's almost guaranteed. You will always fall off the bandwagon. And it's so hard. I mean like, listen, from the time that, when we were talking earlier, from the time that I had lost all that weight and and I was with the nutritionist and I was, you know, really beasting. I have never gotten back to that since I had stopped a little bit and I was like I get back to it, stopped a little bit and I was just like I get back to it, this is OK. And I never got back to it.

RED / Chris:

And I don't know if that's necessarily where I wanted myself to be into goal wise, body wise. But it's so hard to build up a habit to just, you know, show up for yourself every single day, and I think a lot of people become discouraged because they go well, I tried this morning thing and it doesn't work for me, so it's all like OK, well, if the morning thing didn't work, did you try the night thing? Are you making up excuse for that? Or did you try the morning thing and is it long enough? You know, 30 days to make a habit, 30 days, and the minute that you break it, 30 more days. Like it's crazy the way that it that it works like that. But I'm finally in the habit where I'm going back to the gym, where I'm I'm going. It fluctuates Right Cause, like I said before, falling off, but four to six times a week, and then when, when I, when I miss, when I, when there's a week, when I'm three times.

PJ:

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. What?

RED / Chris:

Yeah, but see Four to six.

RED / Chris:

Four to six. That's it, four to six. I get crazy if I do three, but let me tell you something Going back only like five months ago, I was doing one to three. It took me a while because I can't go to the gym at night. I come back, I come back too late from from work and and and the gym is just way too packed for me to be dealing with that. Everybody's, just everybody, and their mother is there, mostly socializing and just just freaking. You know doing other stuff, but I, I can't be bothered with that. So for a while it was one to three times a week and then I finally built back up to four to six.

PJ:

Like when we would go work out together and you'd be like, are you here to work out or are you here to talk?

RED / Chris:

I'm just here to make fun.

PJ:

Listen, listen.

RED / Chris:

I don't mind. I don't mind if you do both at the same time, I don't mind.

PJ:

But like you do both at the same time, I don't mind, but like you, gotta do both. You know what's crazy is I? You know I. For me, everything changed when I left. Uh, shout out to the worst place I've ever worked at. Shout out to nyu medical it's always gonna be that. Okay, shout out to them. The thing that was the most beneficial to me working there was the office was right next to New York Sports Club. So there was. I can go on my lunch hour, I can go before work, I can go after work. All three of those things I would do about three to four, three to five days a week on my working days, and then on the weekends I would go and probably just be a whore, but I would still go and be there. I wouldn't be a whore, y'all, I wouldn't be a little bit.

RED / Chris:

Um, I would say, that's, that's, that's cardio.

PJ:

No, but I mean like I would go to not to be a whore but to be to socialize.

PJ:

Let's say you know, always see people that I know, um, people within community or whatever. And now, since I stopped working there, um and around, then I was also like trans, transitioning from um drinking more um and started drinking heavier, and which stopped the whole workout situation altogether. And then when, like retro fitness opened up a couple of blocks away from me, I started going there. But I couldn't deal with being at the gym, uh, with a bunch of people speaking a different language and felt like they were talking about me and I wanted to like swing weights at them and I was just like you know what, fuck this? I'm just gonna go to this other gym. But then I don't really want to go to this gym because it's just way too crowded and I get uncomfortable with a lot of women staring at me the guys I'm used to that, but a lot of women for me, I'm not really used to that and it's like, as of lately, I've been experiencing this thing where I don't that and it's like, as of lately, um, I've been experiencing this thing where I don't know if it's like a level of paranoia, but it's just like when I walk down the street and people are, they're looking at me or like there's something wrong with me, like is is, is what's in my like really weird shapes? Like what's wrong with my face? Is my skin horrible? Like what's going's going on? Why are people staring at me?

PJ:

Um, and I wasn't thinking about that so much when I was working out. So this is all my, my, my insecurities being projected outward. You know what I mean? Um, so I said to myself and I'm glad you asked this, because I said to myself after my birthday 44 is going to be the year, um, like the day after my birthday, I'm going to be, I'm going to take it very seriously and um and be okay with falling off, but I really, I really want a specific goal by um, by 45, like, and that specific goal is really to get rid of whatever love handles we have. After watching willis wesley, wesley, willis, our frat brother, shout out to, if anybody remembers, uh, we had the nurse doc on um, after seeing his transformation, like, and that was pure like funny, I haven't seen him recently you, but you know I'm talking about right.

RED / Chris:

Yeah, yeah, I know what you're talking about.

PJ:

You know, and like this, brother was.

RED / Chris:

Look to him right now, man.

PJ:

He was thick. He was thick in all the right places. And now, when I say he's thick in all the right places, healthy, wise, like you know, and I'm so proud of him for being able to make that transition and get his body the way that he wants it for looks as well as for health, you know, because why are so many doctors fat in the first place? Patel is going to tell you that you got to lose weight, but.

PJ:

And can we talk about that for a second, when somebody says and I really want to, I saw this. I forgot what his handle is, but he does a lot of these. He had a gastric surgery right and it's like I think he's Puerto Rican and somebody he was saying he lost a lot of weight yeah, though you're just not seeing it, yeah yeah, this is the first time I'm seeing it yeah

PJ:

with this, with this pose if y'all, if y'all want to know what we're talking about, go to the the nurse doc on instagram. That's his nurse. That's his nurse. That's his Instagram. He's amazing. But what was I saying? Somebody was saying to him. He was saying, oh my god, I'm fat. And the person was like no, you're not fat. And he corrected them immediately. He was like hey, number one, I know what I look like. I am fat. You're mistaken fat for disgusting. You're mistaken fat for sloppy or whatever insult that you want to attach to the word fat. Okay, so, like I know I need to lose weight. I know I'm a little fatter than I should be, but I know I, I know I am. I may not be obese, even though a good chunk of america we are all obese.

PJ:

My doctor tells me all the time you're obese.

PJ:

And I'm- 600, my 600 pound life, and if these 600 pound lifers can get love too, why the hell is nobody getting to me? No, I'm just playing, but I think that we need to just change our perspective on the word fat itself, especially as men, like you know, if blair was here, okay, good, you have to catch that, great. If blair was here, he took another one. She would, you know. I believe that she would like encourage us to um push forward, no matter what we we got going on and be okay with where we are. Um, because life is life and and she too is experiencing the same thing, um, but for men, I think it's the pressure, the added pressure of, especially for and I'm speaking on behalf of black gay men to be so fit all the time to look like you should wear a harness wherever you go, and not, you know, unless you're into, you know.

RED / Chris:

I mean, there's a big spectrum of it, you know, and I'm just speaking on behalf of the things that I experienced and like let's say go ahead no, I was gonna say I mean, like you know, you have the, you have that whole uh, dad, machine machine of um, of social media that creates this body dysmorphia.

RED / Chris:

You see, like bodies that are there, and you're like, damn, I wish that I could be like that. And what's crazy is that these, these men will tell you if they, if they're, if they're true trainers, if they're true people who are about health, they'll tell you like they did not arrive here in like a couple of weeks. They have been literally working out for years, for years. So I just wanted to just say that because you know, I know what that's like. You know you're sitting there and you're like, damn, why am I not there yet? And what's crazy about it is here's food for thought. You'll sit there and sit down and say, damn, I wish my body was like that. But somebody's looking at you and saying, damn, I wish my body was like that.

PJ:

But somebody's looking at you and saying, damn, I wish my body was like that, and it's, it's. That's that's what always gets me, and it's usually the people who are thin who always say that they wish they had this meat. And I'm like, I wish I was thin like you, like you know it's, it's the dysmorphia. Like this, I don't need it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree.

RED / Chris:

What do you think men need to help? I guess help pushing the envelope when it comes to physical health. Right, we know about the mental, we talk about a lot of the mental here here, but physically, what do you think we need or what do you think that we should be doing to get there? Because it's always easier said than done.

PJ:

I think we need a band of brothers, like accountability partners. There's this guy who lives in my neighborhood and I've talked about him before on the show. His name is Clay and he used to. He was a barber and before he would open his shop, he would walk all the way up and down Flappish Avenue, right, and he would open his shop. He would walk all the way up and down Flappish Avenue, right, and he would greet people. He was like very much, and still is a very much of a community person. That's why I look up to him.

PJ:

And he had this program where if, if you want to lose weight, we're not worried about what you're lifting or anything like that. We just want to get your body moving. And in order to do that, you know, if you walk and pass somebody and you see them all the time, you know invite them like hey, come walk with us. You know it ain't nothing creepy, ain't nothing like. Men needs to start. We need to start supporting each other in that aspect instead of pushing each other because you're not man enough to lift this set amount like. I love seeing guys at the gym together, but it gets annoying when it's just like all right, like you don't need all the sound effects y'all, but which I just do.

RED / Chris:

I do appreciate, like the, the support system that goes annoying ain't it, though, man for real like breathing and taking up all the damn air all right, and replacing it, um.

PJ:

I think that that's what. That's what we need.

RED / Chris:

We need more support with each other well, well, speaking of that, let me say this because I actually thought about this the other day it's funny how the how the universe just be, just be universal. I actually thought about when we used to go to the gym and we'd be working out together. I don't know why I thought about this scenario Almost like I knew. We knew that we was going to talk about this topic today, which is crazy, because we didn't know until like five minutes before we started.

PJ:

Okay, we had a completely different topic.

RED / Chris:

But I thought about you the other day when we were working out and I want you to know this PJ, because I said to myself I don't want him, I don't want anybody to ever feel like they have to keep up. And there was times where you were working out with me and, like you know, for for those you don't, that don't know out there, sometimes I lift heavy and I was lifting heavy and you was all like God damn, he was like all right, I'm going to try and I remember telling you, like you, don't have to lift that heavy.

RED / Chris:

If we need to take off the weights and we need to, you know, go down a little bit, then that's perfectly fine. Little bit, then that's perfectly fine. And I think we get I think a lot of guys we get very caught up in this very egotistically driven process that we got to also, like you know, lift as much as the next guy and we all have different starting points. If you ever worked out with me I am never making fun of you for wherever you're at, because there might be something that you can do that I can't do, and I think you know. So when you, when you mentioned accountability partners, it made me think of that, because I thought about that the other day and I think it was because I was, I think I was planning to work out with a friend of mine and I and I. That was something that always stuck with me because I didn't want you to feel like you had to keep up with me, especially because we have different starting points.

PJ:

So, um, guys out there, please, yeah, and during that time I hadn't been working out for a long time. So yeah, like you, know.

RED / Chris:

And it's funny because if, if you're, if you're really truly friends and you're really truly an accountability partner, then you'll understand people's limits and you'll understand that they have the capability to get to wherever you think that they should be, but they're not there yet, and then that's okay. You're either going to be an accountability partner, them and and go on a journey with them, or maybe you guys shouldn't be working out to begin with anyway and, um, guys have a, guys have a have a hard time with that.

PJ:

I don't know what that is it's it's it's it's part of our makeup. I think it's part of our. You know we're bred to be predatory. Well, that didn't come out right by yourself.

RED / Chris:

What the fuck? That wasn't the right word we're not.

PJ:

Don't agree with that. Okay, nice, try, diddy right, right.

RED / Chris:

What in the diddlers going on?

PJ:

no, but we're, we're bred to be um, like, just to be like hyper masculine and like, super, like, super, like strong, or I mean, I'm not.

RED / Chris:

The words are just not coming out at this moment um, but no, but, but, you, but you, but you, you're getting there yeah, and it's it's, it's.

PJ:

It's frustrating because you know, like now that I've been back at the gym right, and I say now that I've been back because we're going to speak it in present tense um, because I was going very consistently and had and was feeling so good afterward I would ride my bike to the, to the, to the blink that's in Canarsie.

PJ:

I would ride it back home and you know I would come in, I would, you know, drink my shake and which I never really been big on like whey protein. But you know, the older you get, your muscles really do need it more than they did before. And I could remember, like when I first started, I was like, yeah, I'm going, like, yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and lift what I used to. Oh, we will not be doing that because I'm not gonna hurt myself, because I used to lift really heavy way back when and then I stopped and then I tried to get back into it when I was working out with you and I was kind of trying to lift heavy but I really couldn't handle it because my bones were like going through things or like whatever it was. I was going through like body wise, and now I'm just going to lift what I know I can like and not stress myself out thinking that I have to lift the 90 and the 80 pound weights. Because who am I proving shit to the people walking past me?

RED / Chris:

No, and it's an innocent process, right Like there's nobody saying that you can't get to that. But you know, for someone who may have not been working out as much or someone who's older or so, whatever is the reason, you don't need to necessarily do that. You will hurt yourself.

RED / Chris:

I was telling my dad the other day about something I was lifting he was like how much you're left in, like I think I was doing, I think I was doing shoulder shrugs and I was complaining about my hand. I like I think I had like sprained it at the time or whatever it is, and and I said I guess I have to do less weight. And he was like how much are your shoulders shrugging? I was like 90 pounds in each hand. He was like 90 pounds. He was like oh my God, and what's funny about it is my dad.

RED / Chris:

If I showed you pictures of my dad when he was younger, that man was always working out. He would freaking probably have two 90 pound dumbbells in each hand, you know, and? And he's older now. So he just, he's just like no, I ain't doing that shit by yourself. I'll sit here and drink some tea and I'll and I'll and I'll mess with the, uh, with the, with the. You know the, the, the dumbbells that are like 10 pounds each. He was like I ain't I. He's like I ain't trying to do that. He was like who am I trying to prove stuff to?

PJ:

and so now, so I have plates here, right, so I have my mind. You, I have a bench, um, it's in my closet because there's really no space for me to put it. Uh, I have to get rid of, like, the bookshelf in order to put it out. Um, I have plates and I have a bar. I don't really do, um, barbells. I do dumbbells mostly because that's actually better, actually also for men over 40, for everything I've looked at. Those are actually better because you can really control the motion for your muscles, right, um, by no means am I any longer a, uh, a personal trainer, so please don't take anything that chris or I say with a grain of salt. I mean, well, do take it with a grain of salt. Make sure you do your own research also. Um, that's what I was really trying to get at.

PJ:

But I noticed that I know if I'm walking in and out of my room, um, I have it sitting right here. I actually will pick it up and just walk around the house like this, um, because I do notice, like the little joint pains that I do experience, like I know I have plantar, um, I have plantar officialitis. I'm pretty, I'm I'm pretty sure I'm pronouncing that I'm butchering that word um, but that's like when your feet, when you first wake up in the morning, your feet are swollen and or like it's a numbness on the bottom so it's hard for me to walk. So have like I don't think you can see it over there, but it should glow. It's in a thing, it's a tennis ball. I roll my foot on it when I first wake up to help the nerves wake up and just the idea of all these different ailments that are popping up.

PJ:

You know we talk about how our knees hurt and our back hurts and your shoulder shrugs. That's a lot of weight for your shoulders, especially now, but it's good if you can do it and still maintain yourself. You know, because you're looking good, I mean, and you were looking good before, you know and just the same way as you said before, like people are looking at us and I'm sitting here looking at you and I'm like I've always said that I've I always wished that I had like the arms and chest that you have right in such a compact body because you're so small.

RED / Chris:

Just say short, that way we have words for those things because they stand out more, especially since you're shorter no, I've been, I've been told that as well, but like it's just, it's just not, it's just about thinking about like that stuff and realizing that it's not that serious and not to hurt yourself. And I think once you, once you get past the fact that no one's really no one's really looking and no one's like really caring about stuff like that, I think you're able to do. You do that. I mean talk about going back to ego real quick.

RED / Chris:

You know, the ego is not even just amongst amongst men. Sometimes the ego also just spills over into, like young ladies as well. And so like there's this young lady that I, that I work out with um, not she's, I should say she goes to the gym. We don't have set schedules where we're, like you know, working out together, but you know she's at the gym and she's asked people to get help to. You know, do particular weight lifts at times and the guys aren't helping her out. Guy told her you didn't even try. And meanwhile, if you saw her?

RED / Chris:

body. She got a bad body. Okay, she, she, she, she is. She is a good looking young lady, and for you to tell her that she's not trying when she has all her stuff together, it's, it's just crazy.

PJ:

Shut the fuck up, sit down, sit your way you know, you don't.

RED / Chris:

You don't know what people are going through like and that's the other thing she could. She could have an injury. She could, she could just need that extra boost for whatever reason. Maybe she's been working out for two hours prior to you even getting there. It's just like just help out. Why are you telling her that she's not trying hard enough, like if people just take a second and just like, shut the fuck up.

PJ:

Like I hate that. I, oh my god, like I hate when people say something about someone not knowing anything this person is going through or have having to endure or, like you know, for some men it's hard for us to even just get up out the bed in the morning, you know, and we have to because bills got to get paid. Or you want to be out in the street and be unhoused okay, you got kids, you got to support, you know. But there's this level of like and I think we'll do well. I think we're going to do a lot more of these, these conversations on days that we don't have. Blair.

RED / Chris:

Boys.

PJ:

Club. Okay, yeah, you know what the boys, the melanated Boys Club, blair, that was two shots for y'all. But I want to say I, first of all, as we close this out, I want to actually thank you for this, because this is part of a conversation that I needed to hear also at the same time, even though we were going to talk about something completely different. I'm glad we didn't, um, because these are actual conversations that more men should have with their friends. Um, and you being my friend and hearing those fine lies that you tell me, um, I'm just playing those wonderful things but hearing.

PJ:

I mean that sometimes it's the encouragement that we do need, you know, and also I want to. I want to also add that we are moving into and so funny that this is still even the topic. Um, tomorrow, and no, not tomorrow, thursday by the time this episode comes out, we'll be in a full moon. You know I'm always going to go there and it's going to be in aries, right, and the moon in aries brings forth a feeling of uncertainty that can make problem solving faster, more solving problems faster than is natural. So do not rush yourself like there is a deadline. Try to slow down and let yourself move at your own comfortable pace. As you were talking. That's what I pulled up and that's what I was like. I wonder where the moon is right now. People who don't believe in astrology and stuff like that. You can't believe in something that just exists. But all of these things are related, are tied to each other. If we're all feeling a certain way right now, maybe this might have something to do with it.

RED / Chris:

What about you agree? What about me? I think that I think, I think I think you pretty much hit it, hit the nail on the head. We want to rush our blessings and, um, there's no way around that, right, like I look. I mean this is completely unrelated, but just it's a good example. I did an audition recently for a commercial, did it, submitted it, and I said, and I woke up the next day, I'm like, why didn't they get back to me yet? And then somebody says october 21st that we will get back to you if anything yo, we want, we want it now.

PJ:

Okay, when do we want it now?

RED / Chris:

okay, right, and that's and that and that is so what you said. It hits the nail on the head. You, sometimes you just have to be patient and then just be in it for a long in the long haul. Just know that, not just with your physical health, you're not just with your mental health, but just all of the stuff that's just personal in between. That you know it's about. It really is about the journey and um, um, I'm, I'm happy and proud to be your friend and I am, you know, I am always here to help you out.

PJ:

I know right well, on that note, guys, uh, ask yourself these same questions and, like, be be authentic with your answers and don't just, you know, even write them shits down. Like, ask yourself a question, write it down about your health, about your mental health right now we're talking about physical health. Um, be honest with yourself. Then check back in with it a few weeks later and see if you're still feeling the same way, if there's been any improvements or if there hasn't been, you know, state what they are or what they're not and, you know, try to set a goal and set a plan for yourself. So, guys, thank you for taking the time to listen to another episode of highly motherfucking melanated.

PJ:

It's the motherfucker for me. It's the motherfucker for me, it's the motherfucker for me. Blair will return. So you know, right now she is booked and busy and you know also, we all do need sometimes a reset, because there was a moment before and this is a little backstory, guys, for you, guys out there Blair did ask if we could go on a little hiatus because she is pulled in so many different directions and me, being selfish, was like no did not say that.

PJ:

I didn't say no. I didn't say no, no, but she said you, you're more than welcome to like, get somebody. That's what I said no to. She's like you, get somebody to sit in my chair while I'm out. No, if you're not here, we're not doing it. Um, but we, we do want to try to try our best to be consistent. So that's why you have the two of us here. Um, the three of us should be back next week, um, if we are not, uh, wish me a happy birthday. The following week will be blair's birthday. Um, that is three shots. Y'all should have all been taken by now, and so we just want you, yo, for real. That's the point, that's the whole point, anyway. So, on that note, make sure that you follow us wherever you can follow us. Make sure you email us at what's our email address?

PJ:

yes, see what happens when Blair's not here highlyvellinatedpodcasts at gmailcom and you know all the socials, you know where they are, you know what they are. You can follow us there.

PJ:

On that note, peace, love and not giggle, I can't peace, love and men, men, I can't peace love and men, men, men, men, why yo? I just thought of that. They popped in my head when you said that, and the first thing that came to my mind was that I'm aging myself, which is the wonder years episode with that. Men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men. No, but peace, love, and it's OK y'all, it's OK y'all.

RED / Chris:

It's about the journey.

PJ:

It's about the journey. All right, done Bye.