Highly Melanated Podcast
Hosted by PJ, Blair & Red A safe space for you to enjoy every bit of your melanin no matter how "melanated" you are in skin tone, we are ALL Highly Melanated.Come enjoy funny and dynamic conversations that people of color face on a day to day basis with various topics such as loving ourselves, knowing who we are as a people and uplifting each other with a mix of class and rachetness (CLATCHETNESS)
Highly Melanated Podcast
On My Mama: It's Time For A Hard Pivot
Have you ever caught yourself mid-chuckle, realizing you're turning into your parents? Or felt the sting of a memory brought on by a familiar tune? Our latest episode is a heartfelt mosaic of reflections, ramblings, and revelations, weaving through the joys and jitters that come with being unapologetically ourselves.
Brace yourself for a deep dive into family dynamics, communication styles, and the gentle art of steering conversations with loved ones who may not remember as well as they used to. We tackle the sometimes-comical, sometimes-challenging task of handling repetitive narratives and balance that with the tactful 'hard pivot' when chats need a fresh direction. This episode is a rich tapestry of anecdotes and insights, inviting you to laugh, learn, and maybe see a bit of your own world reflected in ours.
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I don't know what it is, but I just love being black DJ here.
Speaker 2:What up dough? It's your girl, blair. You know, melanin was popping yesterday, it's popping today and it's show enough, gonna be popping tomorrow.
Speaker 3:It's your boy, Red, and you're listening to the Highly Melanated Podcast. Hey guys.
Speaker 1:Hey guys, hey guys, hey guys, welcome back to another episode of Highly Melanated Podcast, the safe space where it's okay to let them bitches know that y'all got us fucked up.
Speaker 3:Well, somebody has to say it.
Speaker 1:Somebody has to say it PJ is still standing on business, as this is the year of the cat, dot dot dot Williams, letting all these people know.
Speaker 2:I'm weak.
Speaker 1:Really feel.
Speaker 2:You say year of the cat and I automatically was about to check the Chinese zodiac year calendar. What is this year?
Speaker 1:I think it's the year of the pig.
Speaker 2:If it's the year of the cat, I'm going to crack up.
Speaker 1:No, it's the year of the dragon.
Speaker 4:Oh.
Speaker 1:It's the year of the dragon.
Speaker 2:Sorry, so PJ is standing on business in the year of the cat, dot dot dot Williams. My apologies, we not wreck the flow here. I would have keep that in, please do Red.
Speaker 3:I don't know how I'm feeling right now, red. I'm for my people, my family, my friends, whoever is going to be my significant other, like Jay-Z did, beyonce will put it in early Red.
Speaker 1:Unfortunately, it wasn't me, but it was, but it wasn't.
Speaker 2:And Blair is hitting the ground running like the road runner running away from Wiley Coyote Not me me me, me, me, me, me, me me me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
Speaker 1:And, as always, guys, thank you for coming back for another episode. How you guys been, how's your week has been, how are you.
Speaker 2:We have been busy, busy but good, bless, booked, blessed and busy. I tell you that. Thank you, god. All praises be to the most high above.
Speaker 1:Hallelujah. Okay, okay, that was it.
Speaker 3:Mm-hmm, no, no, no. I just you know, shane, I was, I was going to make sure, like that was it, that's it, that's it.
Speaker 2:And the sentence I'm going to say it, I'm going to say it, I'm going to say it, I'm going to say it, I'm going to say it, I'm going to say it, I'm going to say it, I'm going to say it, I'm going to say it.
Speaker 3:Okay, yeah, okay, the sentence and the sentence Okay, okay, my weekend was, um, my weekend was really good in the sense that I, um, you know, like you have like these moments where you are, you I guess you have moments of clarity and you realize stuff, and I realized that I'm really just surrounding myself with that are always just killing it with whatever they're doing. I think of you guys, I think of people in different acting groups and different writing groups that I'm part of. So I went to Gina Keys, so this is well, let me mention the whole thing. There's this actors group that's called the Actors Networking Group that I'm a part of. That is led by Gina Keys and basically we do, like you know, acting and writing sessions. People have pieces that they want to like just hear other actors just perform real quick, and she's an amazing writer and so recently she actually just put out on Sunday, as a matter of fact, she did it at the Kupferberg Center of the Arts, which is at Queens College, this stage reading called Mississippi Land, and it was phenomenal.
Speaker 4:Wow.
Speaker 3:It was so good. I mean, I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to make it. There was a lot of logistics and a lot of hurdles that particular day, but I'm so happy that I was able to go and see it, because I agree with everybody that was there and what she was saying. I think that she's going to take it to Broadway.
Speaker 2:Hello.
Speaker 3:Come on now. And you had the main headliner that was there, leon Robinson, who was in, ain't Too Proud to Beg, and it was really, really, really, really good. So I left my weekend feeling very inspired by what people could do, and I met him too, and he's very nice. So a shout out to you, gina, and the entire cast, and then shout out to you, leon, for doing the damn thing.
Speaker 2:That's dope.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's dope. We love it here we do.
Speaker 2:That's dope, just being able to have that walkway with such that kind of feeling. I know what you mean by that. So that's what's up.
Speaker 1:I also want to let you know that your Instagram posts follow ActingRegent on Instagram. In reference to the Actors Group, I forwarded that to a few people, okay, yeah.
Speaker 3:Well, I appreciate it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's interesting the universe actually brings people in your circle or brings people around you that normally it's been like, of course I'm here around you people because I need something from you, and lately it's been people who have been around me because they need something from me.
Speaker 1:And people who want to get into acting or people who want to get into producing or wanted to get in the podcast are in the spaces, because I forwarded a few people over to that group. In reference to my Week, my Week has been pretty damn good and then it wasn't.
Speaker 3:That was a sharp lesson.
Speaker 2:I mean, you know, I thought we was going up, up, up, and then you just pulled the rug out from under us.
Speaker 1:And you know, and to be honest with you, the rug was pulled up from all of us, a lot of us, of course it's. It never ceases to amaze me how much is, how many times it's always me Listening audience. If you can see Blair's face, she's like well.
Speaker 2:I'm not talking about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I did want to and I actually want to dedicate this, which is actually a good reason to do so. I want to dedicate this full episode to the memory, the life of Reneira Murphy. Many of us know him as RJ. Just recently I was on my way home from doing a funeral and I was, like you know any other day that I do what I do with the hearse, and I happened to go on Facebook aka Death Book and I was watching. His service Did not know he died and I am trying not to get emotional at the moment Because, to be honest with you guys, this is the first time that I've spoken. I've been mute for the past two days and so I love you guys. This is why I was like you said, are we recording today? I was like I probably should, because I really do need. I need you guys, I need the energy that this podcast gives and all you listeners out there.
Speaker 1:But when I say, like the epitome of someone who was as nonchalant as ever but as real as ever, don't know the details, don't honestly want to know the details, and I really get weird out when people want to know the details about how some, why someone passed away Because it's like really personal, but he was an amazing guy and a brother of Kappa, alpha, psi Can't leave that out, and the church service was actually beautiful. They said all the great things in reference to to know this person is to know that you're safe. And that hit me. Oh, my God. No, no, no, that hit me. God. They get me, hit me hard. That got me because him and I have had so many conversations late at night Back in 2019, that dark night in December.
Speaker 1:He was the one who always kept up with me. Still presently. I, you know, I have passwords of his and free internet. Now I got to pay for it. No, I've been paying for it, but it's it's. It's. It's one thing when you lose someone and it's another thing when you lose someone who has inspired you to live in their truth, to be in their truth. And the pastor at the at the Senate I don't know, chris the juice, did you watch the funeral where you were able to?
Speaker 3:I did not. I, to be honest, I'm kind of like I hate stuff like that. So even if I didn't know about it or when it was exactly but if I did, I probably still wouldn't have watched it because I get all bent on shape.
Speaker 4:So and I knew right, I knew right now as well. So it was very sad.
Speaker 3:For those of you who don't know him, he was a very, a very dope, dope person, dope personality. If you could pick one of your friends, that kind of have that, I don't give a fuck attitude, but like, deliver it in the most kind way possible. That was, that was right now. He was like I don't care, let's go drinking, like it would be like stuff like that. And so he you know he was, he was a really nice guy and it's unfortunate to hear such not so great news. But you know, I hope and pray that he is in a better place and he's, you know he's doing what he, what he wants to do now. So shout out to him for being him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because I mean where I was going with it and we're not going to stay with this too long guys I just, I would just feel, because he was actually also a listener. He loves you, blair. Well, he loved you, you know, when you got to get in the habit of speaking to someone in past tense.
Speaker 3:Wait, hold up a second. So he didn't love me. You're right. What am I? Top liver?
Speaker 1:But it's interesting. So I was getting. That was like the preacher who preached said you know, and here's the thing about organized religion, and we've talked about this and we haven't talked about it since death. But you know, he was like, you know, he was a. He was a great man, he was a good guy and a lot of people are walking around judging other people when they don't put their life on display, when they don't open their doors. How about you stop judging somebody by the way they live their life and the whoever they choose to be with and you open your closets and your skeletons start falling out? Only person who can judge is God and Jesus.
Speaker 1:And it was I mean, I'm paraphrasing it because I'm getting a little emotional, but it was really. It's. It's as a gay man or whoever whatever I identify as a person who sleeps with men and others it it it's important for church to, in my opinion, when they pass away, to not see them as that and see them as a human. It was a beautiful circus and they all said the same thing. You know, to know him was to know that you were loved, and the thing that I got from him the most in life was we used to talk a lot about our parents, and we used to talk about because he would call me randomly like hey and shit, what are you cooking? And he knew I was depressed, they knew I was going through things, but that's how he would start every conversation and it would snap out of it. So I just wanted to dedicate this episode to not good good friend that was laid to rest.
Speaker 2:Rest in peace. Rest in heaven.
Speaker 1:I hope everybody up there has their attire together. Baby, the way this man will look at you.
Speaker 2:Oh Lord Jesus I love him.
Speaker 1:Exactly right he was not there?
Speaker 2:about to be a reading from above.
Speaker 3:He was. He was, he was funny. He would just sit there. I remember when we were people watching one time and he would just sit there and just look at people. He was like look at this one over here. I'm like stop it, I was over eating. He was just all like no no, they look nice. We should invite them over to talk. You know we're just talking to like a bunch of random strangers. He was really. He was really dope.
Speaker 2:Oh, sounds very sweet.
Speaker 3:I don't.
Speaker 1:I know, let me set you up there.
Speaker 3:I was about to say I was just all like. This has thrown me off.
Speaker 1:I don't have a question of that right now, but you know what? But other than that, my week has been OK. I was speaking to you guys prior to in reference to for many of you guys don't know that my house, my apartment, has been infested with mice and I'm killing mice on a daily mice to my left, mice, wait, wait. What is Jeffries?
Speaker 2:Canons To the left of me. Canons to the right.
Speaker 1:Mice to the front, mice to the left. Yeah, I've been. I've been like literally going through that since my neighbor's apartment caught on fire. They fix something in the wall, so now the mice like a shit. They, they, because she does not have any, and so look at this new road.
Speaker 3:Every day is a one day full circle.
Speaker 1:This is what we're talking about.
Speaker 2:Wow. So we were seeing when we first got on the call Wow.
Speaker 1:But so this man got here and I was telling you how to speak before. Like it's so funny when these, these old, white let's not do this.
Speaker 2:Let's not do this.
Speaker 3:Where are we going?
Speaker 1:And they? They try to shoot their shot.
Speaker 2:But the question, the real question is did it land?
Speaker 1:No, it did not it's have a nice day. It ricocheted?
Speaker 3:No, it's just what would, what would, what would he, what would he have done needed to do in order to land that shot?
Speaker 1:Exactly, pull out a lot of money.
Speaker 2:I need some money. No, but okay.
Speaker 1:So anyway, guys, so yeah, so my this terminator came in and he was telling me where they're actually coming from and how to fix it, and you know, but the way he was telling me and what he wanted me to see, he was like you need to get down down there and see it and I'm like, get down. I was like I can see it from here. He said no, no, you got to get down there and feel it. You got to get on your knees and feel it down, get down, and it was in your windows, because also when you walk into my apartment there's a gay flag.
Speaker 1:There's a gay flags everywhere, and you when you walk in my apartment. So obviously when you walk in, you know this is a homo, this is a homo building, a homo apartment, an apartment of a homo Got that many flags. It's a gay building too.
Speaker 3:Basically.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's it, and that's that's my roundabout, to bring you into your.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry. Have you noticed, ever noticed before, that Chris does this Eddie Murphy laugh?
Speaker 1:It's a nervous laugh. It's a nervous laugh.
Speaker 2:I adore it, it comes out every once in a while.
Speaker 1:It comes out, every day it comes out, but it comes out sometimes when you're nervous.
Speaker 3:All right, but what am I nervous about right now? You're your encounter with the plumber the exterminator Okay whatever.
Speaker 1:Luigi.
Speaker 2:It was about to be the plumber.
Speaker 1:Moving on.
Speaker 3:I don't have no questions for that no question in the week.
Speaker 2:Oh my goodness.
Speaker 3:I have no questions for this, this, this loop, the loop of all the different emotions that we just went through right now.
Speaker 2:It was a bit of a roller coaster. It was a little bit of up and down Last night.
Speaker 1:I cried. Tossed in turn, I cried.
Speaker 2:I was racing.
Speaker 1:Listen, that's so bad. Please tell me how many of you out there have listened to that song and parked your car, stopped moving and just like felt that because you're on an emotional roller coaster, loving you ain't nothing healthy.
Speaker 2:That the ringtone that's back, so that song came out back. When you were first able to start putting like songs like, as your ringtones on your phone, I definitely had that as a ringtone for a particular person who shall remain nameless, traumatizing Wow.
Speaker 1:It seems that we keep traumatizing. We don't mean to be traumatizing you, blair.
Speaker 2:Right, right, we apologize.
Speaker 1:I think you though.
Speaker 2:No, it's fine, I have to learn how to get over it, right?
Speaker 1:So you don't have to try.
Speaker 2:Stop being triggered all the time.
Speaker 1:So what you're saying is that you don't have a question of the week?
Speaker 3:No, Question of the week.
Speaker 1:Question of the week as they pertain to you introspectively and prospectively. Did that do it right?
Speaker 2:No, you did not you did it All right.
Speaker 3:All right, all right. Question of the week your questions as they pertain to you prospectively and introspectively. Pj, I'm not sure.
Speaker 1:I'm not sure. All right, so, oh, I'm really asking it. Oh my God.
Speaker 3:You guys just set you up. Ali, you, ali, ali, the fuck. And I and I.
Speaker 1:So the reason why I said as far as like PJ is because I am literally thinking that 2024 is the year of Stan Of standing on business and telling people, like how Jay Z told them at the Grammys.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry. So you this the second reference we've made to it. I did not watch the Grammys. I am not, I don't know. I know he said something, I don't know what he said, which.
Speaker 1:Ladies and gentlemen, let's take a quick break. Do your Google Jay Z. Okay, guru, do to Google magic.
Speaker 3:So it was funny, because I was going to say that, but I said, oh, that. But I said, oh man, I don't know why it felt flat, but yeah, jay-z.
Speaker 1:Not Jay-Z, but just standing on business. Just start telling people, start telling the truth, start Wait, okay, blair is looking at it, she's found it.
Speaker 2:No, just tell me, just tell me what he said. No, you guys, you gotta see, you gotta see. Oh, my goodness, how long is it? How long is it?
Speaker 3:It's too long, I'll summarize for you A second he a second?
Speaker 4:Yeah, he wouldn't be a second Hold on. I'm gonna speak for you. I just hope y'all try to get it right, at least get it close to right, and I and he go what? Obviously it's subjective. Y'all gotta clap at everything. Obviously it's. It's obviously it's subjective because you know it's music and it's opinion based. But you know some things. You know I don't want to embarrass this young lady, but she has more Grammys than everyone and never won out many years. So even by your own metrics, that doesn't work. Think about that the most Grammys never won out many years. That doesn't work. You know some of you, some of you, gonna go home tonight and feel like you've been robbed. Some of you may get robbed, but you don't belong in a category. Boom, now that part. No, I don't know, that was a.
Speaker 1:No, when I get nervous, I tell the truth In true Secretariat's fashion.
Speaker 2:All I know Is that On that car ride home.
Speaker 1:But if you could Did you see Beyonce's face in that moment. Yes, make a no, oh.
Speaker 2:Oh, you're a woman, so you would know that face before.
Speaker 3:No, that was the this here, really because I thought that she was like looking like Us men were like Nah she was like it looked like she was like she was kind of like, yeah well, well, somebody had to say it and you know, my man kind of said it not, not in a I don't know, so there it could have been a multitude of things that could have been that, along with like this is really, this is how we're doing this, this is what we're doing, okay, so, so it's funny because I always wondered about this when it came when it came to Any awards.
Speaker 3:So I always wondered about this when it came to Any awards. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so. How are we actually making sure that the award that is given to the right person is actually given based on the merit? Because here it is. I think that Beyonce had a really good album. I know everybody in this room right now one, two, three thinks that it was really good, that she could have probably won the album the year. But how many other people actually feel or actually like her album?
Speaker 2:But here's the thing we're still basing these kind of conversations on the idea that award shows and awards are supposed to be fair. They're not. Maybe it started off that way and it didn't even start off that way. It has been and always will be a popularity contest and what is kind of fits with that moment or that era. But okay, okay, and I don't really don't think that these award shows and these awards that are given are solely based on merit.
Speaker 3:I don't disagree with you. I agree with you a wholeheartedly. But it's weird because Beyonce is popular and Beyonce is doing what's best? Popular with who?
Speaker 3:Beyonce is every favorite artist's favorite artist? No, no, no. And that's what I want to know, right, because I saw some of the memes that were on Instagram and people were making fun of the fact that Beyonce had, like, a whole lot of people trying to get with her and take pictures. She had a little literal meet and greet with a bunch of different people and a bunch of other celebrities. Who won? Who won the album of the year? Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift.
Speaker 1:So I let the Swifties tell you my God, this was Taylor's year.
Speaker 3:So that's what I want. Like, are we? Are we really missing something?
Speaker 1:But also remember there are algorithms all across the board, so what we see we doesn't necessarily correlate to what the world sees Right. Doesn't necessarily correlate to what other people hear, what other people like, and I even me. In the past. I don't know who that PJ was. That was Philip PJ. Present Day is a full on hive member with my card and everything.
Speaker 3:But that's what I'm saying because, like, when you work within your circle, no matter what it is, whether it be music, whether it be interest politics or whatever, you often see what your bubble is seeing. You don't until you step outside. It's almost like you know, it's Black History Month, so like, let's mention it. I had a whole ass conversation about racism with various people, and people brought up the January 6th riot that happened and said, oh my God, all of this racism happened and like I can't believe it. And I'm sitting here like what is there to not to believe? How old are they? No, they're older.
Speaker 2:They're older than me, but people have blinders on because they're in their bubble, people see what they want to see yeah, right, I'm like that should always be there or they limit their exposure to the things that they only want to be exposed to, and the algorithm is feeding into that. Right, like you don't see what's actually really going on in the world, because you've trained these devices to only show you the things that you want to see.
Speaker 1:And the things that we don't even realize and I think this is a bigger topic and we'll get into this much later down the road but like, geographically, where you're located actually also shows what you see.
Speaker 2:So like you know, like what your interests are.
Speaker 1:I am also not proud of this and I'm saying this y'all I swear to God on my mama.
Speaker 2:I would oh, my good, I would. I look good, I look good, I would find everybody.
Speaker 1:I swear to God, I want this to be said On my mama. I swear to God. After I say this they're still mouthing it, by the way I want to say this and after I say this if any of y'all try to, I will, I will, I will. I have a special, select amount of skills. I will find you, but my mother is a Trump supporter and because of, geographically, where she is and I realized what's been fed to her and what she hears and what she sees, and because she doesn't involve herself with other black people or just other people, that's not family. What she sees is what what everybody else sees and how easily people fall into this.
Speaker 4:That's what.
Speaker 1:I'm really showing you Now. Once she started realizing little things and I still I've been sending her clips left and right and she said, Son, please stop sending me this. I'm aware now I got to think about some things.
Speaker 3:And I'm glad that you you were able to do that and get through to her. But that's one of my main concerns because I think people like I think, especially because Taylor Swift has like a large following. To kind of go back to the original conversation, taylor Swift has a large following, beyonce has a large thing I couldn't sing a single Taylor Swift song.
Speaker 3:I know, but that's not you, that's it. It's in the other crowd, it's in the other camp, and because they're both so large, right, I think people can't fathom the fact that she, you know, she isn't able to, you know, I guess, get the award that she wanted, or or, or she, she can't. There's no possibility out there that she can't possibly be number one. No, she could be number two. I just, I just think that stuff like that is always so interesting because it happens with every facet of our life and you have to like really rip yourself out of your bubble and like put yourself somewhere else to be like, oh, I kind of get it, I mean even down to the and this is by no means me, me endorsing Trump or anything like that, you know but even with trying to, even even with trying to see what people see, so that way you can understand and then that way you can better speak to it.
Speaker 1:Oh, you mean. You mean Trump, the same person who thought that he was going to be immune to the hearings because he was president, and I told you how this is what he was trying to do. And now he, realizing that the law is the law and he's not above it, like, oh, I'm up here, no, baby, no, no, no.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, I can see why he would think that, because it's happened in the past. You know the law wasn't made for everybody.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 2:Surprise.
Speaker 3:Surprise, surprise.
Speaker 2:And there's still people that get away with breaking the law every single day and face zero repercussions from it.
Speaker 1:So here I am jumping the turnstile and I get pulled over. But hello, these people just walk on, do whatever they want. Yeah, so y'all ain't gonna say nothing to this man who just stabbed this woman, but check on, jump me, because I jumped the turnstile. That's such an exaggerated example. No, but for real, that's that. So so my question for for what I wanted to do and what I wanted to talk about was how are, like it's interesting, and I think I find myself doing this more so now, because I literally catch myself when it happens, like oh my God, I sound like my mother. How quick and at what age do we really start to like become our parents or the people who raise us, or it's?
Speaker 3:So I mean I'll go first. I think I think you start realizing stuff. Gradual, it's a gradual thing. You know, you. I think you want to consider yourself your own person. You know, as you're growing up, you're, you're, you are your own person, and I think, for the most part, there's a lot of things that you do differently, but there's a lot of foundational stuff that's also there, that as you get older, because they were there in the background, they start to be more prominent, because you're not you're not as what's the best word, I guess not as busy or so like involved with just the individuality of yourself or the creation of yourself. You can kind of fall back on certain things. So, like I know with me, one of the things that I kind of like hate is and it's not necessarily a bad thing, but my mom will repeat stuff- oh, my God.
Speaker 3:She will let me tell you something, mom. I love you, we just throw that out there. But she will you understand, you understand, she will you understand you to death until you can't stand no more. Like it's. It's, it's pretty bad.
Speaker 1:Ladies and gentlemen, his mom's has the cutest Jamaican accent, but she is serious.
Speaker 3:And she you know she's, she don't play, but she wants to make sure that that message is like, conveyed and gets across. So I find myself sometimes over explaining and I have to constantly force myself to dial it back. And yeah, that's what it is in a nutshell, you know. I mean it's not necessarily bad, but it could be annoying.
Speaker 1:You know. So, because the real reason why I wanted to have this conversation and we might extend this, I don't know, depending on how it goes but is because I need to know at what age do we start repeating ourselves as we're telling a story? Because, literally, you just said this, you said it four times in one story and one time telling me, like, at what age does this happen? Because I, I just recently found myself doing it Thanks to the weed. I was aware, but sober me, I don't do that, at least I don't think I do. People tell me if I do, but I can think about how many times I've been around my mother, around my dad, around any elder any elder who repeats themselves in the sick.
Speaker 1:You just said this. I heard you differ. I heard you seven times Like when does this happen?
Speaker 3:I think I did Well. Of course, there can't be a number attached with the word right, because everybody's different. I think it. I think it happens when you realize that you are sick and tired of the bullshit and you don't want to have to do this again. Don't make me come back to have to say this to you again. So you know what. I'm going to get it all out the way and tell you eight times now.
Speaker 2:It also just might be like I think like the context of it is important because, like, if it's somebody like telling you something to like make sure you know something, like, oh, I got to take the food out of the, I got to take the meat out of the chicken out of the freezer at six, and then 10 minutes later in the conversation they still talking about taking the meat out of the freezer.
Speaker 1:Let me give you some context telling you a story about something that has happened.
Speaker 2:Well, that's, that's, and that's what I mean. I think that's different. It's different because it's. It changes the narrative, because my mother is that she's the queen of repetitiveness and I promise you anybody who thinks that she's not is wrong. So she will say the same thing over and over it, like I've been hearing. Like every conversation with my mom is exactly the same. You can't get a word in edgewise and she, just like you know, goes from start to finish, no breath, telling 10 different stories. She's very like OCD, like not OCD. So we're looking for Very, not scatterbrained, but she doesn't necessarily finish one cognitive thought before leaping into the next, like they all just like seamlessly transition from one thing to the next. Like I'll be sitting here talking to you about how I went to Rockefeller on Thursday, but then Thursday afternoon is also the day that's after Friday. You know what happened on Friday.
Speaker 2:Let me tell you about what happened on Friday, because Friday the 13th is a terrible day. Have you seen that movie? I hate that movie. Friday the 13th is just not. Not good that Freddie, could Freddie? Just, I almost named Joe. Fuck your brother, freddie.
Speaker 4:My mom.
Speaker 2:That's my mom. It's just one thought that leads into the other and it's the exact same thing every time I talk to her. So I get the same exact stories every single time in that one single thread of consciousness, and it has a lot to do, I think. I'm still trying to figure it out, but I mean, I think age is one of them, but I also don't think that, because she's been doing this my whole life, like she's, oh, so you think that might be just a your, your, your mom ism.
Speaker 3:I think it's just a personality trait, yeah.
Speaker 2:But a lot of people seem to have, and they all have like different, like varying degrees of it, and I think that it gets more pronounced with age, but it was always there.
Speaker 3:Mental, mental run on sentence. You know that also makes me think of my. It's funny. It makes me think about how I approach my dad with conversations. I don't talk to my dad the same way that I talk to my mom.
Speaker 2:Precisely.
Speaker 3:Because I know my dad doesn't doesn't care for such elaborate, you know right. Like that's what I'm trying to think he's like, he's very much so. Like that. He's just like OK, what is it, you know? So I have to also, I also have to dial it back when I'm trying to talk to him. I'm like I went running today. He was like OK, that's good, like that's a good, like that's a good, healthy conversation. But if you are, you add into there, like I woke up and then I saw I put on some coffee.
Speaker 2:He's like looking at me like.
Speaker 3:I'm fucking crazy. It's checked out.
Speaker 2:But it depends too because, like it, like you said, it depends on like the parents or like how you approach, like talking to them, because my dad is also a very Animated storyteller, but the way he speaks and tells his stories is is a lot different than how my mom does it.
Speaker 2:Like I said, with my mom it's like a single, you know, thread of consciousness that just you know, gets Regurgitated. But with my dad it's, it's a presentation, it's setting the scene, it's, you know, it's, it's like an essay, like there's like the introduction there First there's the abstract, first, excuse me, there's the abstract, and then there's the introduction, and then there are the three supporting points, and then there's the conclusion and then there's the footnotes and it's, it's very much like a, like a detailed Presentation, you know. But this still it's, it's and I don't get the same story from him every time Like my dad, like, knows, like if he said something to me once he doesn't need to say it again, or that he has said it again, but it just, you know, it's, it's all still storytelling at the end of the day, right?
Speaker 1:You know, a shout out to Black Daddy Everybody in highly millinated everybody in highly millinated land we know we refer to Blair's pop says Black Daddy, I. I love that because I'm exactly I think I'm exactly like your father. And then I realized, when I was having a conversation with someone I said oh my God, I'm doing what my mother does. Oh my God, I just said this and I have to be aware of it. So I'm like is it happening? Is this happening now? Are we? Are we in our forties and about to start like repeating ourselves in the same place? No, because I was just stopped talking, because I don't believe that I can't wait to.
Speaker 3:I could point that out to you. You know exactly.
Speaker 1:Then you know, but no, but actually For this episode, actually do, because we don't never know what we're doing until someone lets us know. Right, you know, like you do know. Shout out. I want to give a shout out to my best friend, prissy. Her name is Pristina with a P, not a Christina, but she caught on To the I knows, or I, you know, I said I said this before and I know I never said these things. And she's like yeah, yeah, I know, do you girl? But I, I want to give a shout out to her, only because she stopped me. She said you know, you said this already. I was like, oh, and I didn't know when she said it, I sat down.
Speaker 1:I'm going to turn into my mother and it frightened me because the way my mother does these things and I'm not saying just my mother, but a lot of elders in her age group, 65 and above, seem to do this, and some of them are now getting into their fifties and I'm closer I'm not closer to 50, but like nowhere near it. And praise God, not praise God, you got to get there eventually, but thank you, ok, I mean present day, but I, I I just want to stop it before it happens, before it takes over your life and people run from you than to you Because they don't want you to.
Speaker 2:I mean because it does make having conversations Difficult at times.
Speaker 1:I was having conversations with my cousin and I swear to God, and you know it was a little different because he was in a different kind of state of mind Little, you know, little sip of the sauce. And so therefore, how?
Speaker 2:do you put in all your family business out?
Speaker 1:here I am, and every last one of them, except for my mother. My cousin listens.
Speaker 4:Hey cousin.
Speaker 1:What up? Because, ok, he does this and he'll tell the story, and then he'll. It's funny, but it loses its luster after the same, after the 18th time. You know, like the dog bit somebody, it's like that dog is mean, it was walking on the street and just bit someone. That dog is mean, it is walking on the street and bit someone like now. You sound special. So I I'm always wondering if other people experience this repetitiveness and how do we stop it before it happens to us.
Speaker 2:Well, why is it a bad thing?
Speaker 1:It is a very bad thing. Do you like being in conversation with people who constantly repeat themselves In the same conversation?
Speaker 2:If I could, if I can, if I have an understanding of why they're doing it, that would determine whether or not I'm annoyed with it or not.
Speaker 1:Because sometimes I feel like sometimes it may feel like and this is a deeper conversation in reference to like the psychology of it all like not not being heard.
Speaker 2:So therefore you feel like you need to, but you need to keep repeating yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah because you're not sure of yourself, because you're not, you know, you don't. This is a lot of. There's a lot of psychology that goes with it, and I know my mother does fall into that stream, so I let it happen. But it literally be like or she's the third time she said this. Let me put the phone down.
Speaker 2:Well, that's also why I'm saying like I, I would like to know if I could just do it so for me to determine whether or not I'm annoyed with it. I feel like I would want to know, like, what is it rooted in? Because I can have a little more patience for somebody who's suffering from early onset Alzheimer's right, as opposed to somebody who just Continuously repeats themselves like I. You know I've worked with people like that, like it's it's it's very annoying and I know specifically with this person where it's coming from is like a lack of confidence that they have and like feeling like they always need to kind of like prove themselves, or they feel like they have not been heard and so they're like overcompensating with like being heard or I. That's just my interpretation. It could also be something like completely different, like maybe that's how they're used to talking to their kids, having to explain everything out to the degree. But you know, in the specific, the specific environment that we're in, you know, I don't, I don't need that and see, and this.
Speaker 1:This is why I, when it comes to my mother specifically, I don't mind because I know that my mother has white spots on her brain. So therefore, memory there are memory losses that are happening presently and I had to find this out the hard way. You both know this. But in general, her sister, her brother, I have some phone with my uncle and I work with him and I'm like bro.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I have my patients with when my mother does. It continues to work in every day. How do you deal?
Speaker 1:with it? How do you, how do you deal with it without making this is the face Y'all? How do you deal with it with, probably without making them feel like they're a burden or like they shouldn't want it, because I think people, when you start telling them this stuff, they don't want to, they don't want to talk to you anymore, they just well I mean.
Speaker 3:so it kind of goes back to Blair's point you understanding why it's happening. If you understand why it's happening, then you can find different ways to address it with you know, in a very healthy way, like for example Going back to my mother again, like you know, one of the reasons why people might repeat themselves is because it might be memory loss.
Speaker 3:Right, I think, from for her, though I think to a certain degree she understands that sometimes she's, oh she's over killing it, whatever it that, whatever that message is, and sometimes what I've seen happen, what I, what I've done before, is that sometimes you just have to do a hard topic change. You know we're like, oh no, we talking about the cat and just the cat, this and the cat that I'm hungry.
Speaker 1:Just a hard like boom.
Speaker 2:And to answer your question, pj, that is what I have started doing with my mom and like I just have to do, like a hard pivot a hard pivot, yes to go on to just something else completely different in its entirety, and and it usually has to be a question to them, because then it'll give her like she'll, she'll stop, and You'll be kind of caught off guard.
Speaker 1:We route. It's a reroute, it's a reroute.
Speaker 2:But, like you know, she'll be caught off guard, like, well, I was saying this, and then she just and part and part of her, like I think, like it starts to understand this, like, oh, she don't, I'm doing too much, or she doesn't want to continue the conversation that we were having or what I was saying, or whatever.
Speaker 3:And then, you know, give them something to like redirect their focus to by asking them a question and something else that I want to bring up is that, whatever tactic that you use, let's just use this one, that we're talking about, this hard pivot.
Speaker 3:I like that sometimes what happens is is that that doesn't work, because all tactics don't always work all the time and what I feel and this is just my personal opinion if I do a hard pivot and to try to change the topic, and Whether it be my mother or anybody else, it's still talking and still goes back to it. They must really want to talk about this topic, right, whatever it, whatever it is they, they're finding it very important at that particular point in time and maybe they do have a point that they just haven't gotten to yet. So what I do is all right, you really want to talk about this, right? I guess food can wait and I just sit my ass down and I and I, just, I just listen and I do it With everybody do you do it and say that I guess food can wait.
Speaker 1:That was very passive, aggressive.
Speaker 3:Hmm, well, I mean in my head.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay, okay, no, no, I'm right.
Speaker 3:I'm actually said that before you probably would have said that out loud huh, I probably said that before. At least once I said like okay well I guess you know damn what I want. Huh, I guess it's okay for me to start continue.
Speaker 1:You know. So it's funny because I find this happening, if it happens, in numerous conversations, like if you're repeating yourself. You just told me this yesterday. I can, I can accept that especially. You know, I'm dealing with someone who's getting older and, like you know, getting old. They don't warn you about your parents getting older. They really don't, but I can deal with that. But in the same conversation, ma'am, you do know that we started the conversation off with this and we changed it, but you obviously still have something to finish, but we went back to the start of it. So maybe I should just and not say anything. But in that, I do so, I do, I do that, I do that a lot right, so I just I'm going through this right now example, I'm going through this right now with her, with my dog. Would now, you know, her dog? That's now my dog.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm and I have to get her groomed how that happened. Okay, and I have to get her groomed, and and what if? For me to get her groomed, they have to. The people at the vet and the groomers have to say that I'm the new owner. I don't understand why, but that's not my business. Um, but me explaining this to her took 35 minutes and I just want to know when Can I expect these little transitions to happen and what can I do for me, as I age, to not do this, because it's difficult Game.
Speaker 2:Cobra Loba no, if it's anything that you can actually like predict.
Speaker 1:Well, okay, so I come from a family of I come. My great-grandmother had Alzheimer's, my group and she, you know, she had dementia and unfortunately, and unfortunately, unfortunately, fortunately, I was the only person that she knew. Once she lost her memory off and on my myself, my cousin Craig, and to me, good, everybody else was upset with that. So this is like Is this, is this the same thing? Are we, are we running into the same thing? I just I'm always curious if other families go through this, if other people go through this with their, with their loved ones, or not even just with their loved ones, just with people in general, and how do you deal with it? How do you move the conversation along without being rude, nasty or disrespectful? Because those are the three places I immediately go.
Speaker 3:I like how we just all collectively didn't have an answer.
Speaker 4:This thing is it's kind of hard to like.
Speaker 2:Have an answer. You know, like it's what. It's one thing I don't think you can necessarily time it. I think that you just kind of start becoming aware of it as it's happening. You know, you know, okay, it's always gonna be to varying degrees of you know quote unquote. Seriousness, you know, I think you can't. You can't predict certain things, right.
Speaker 3:One. You don't know how, what you you know, you know you have no insight on the Genetic gamble. That's one. And then to the foundations.
Speaker 3:Like I said before, once you start getting comfortable, you you fall back on some of those foundations. You can fight it, but, you know, if you don't have that kind of idea that you know, you know you can't have that kind of idea, you can fight it, but it's probably not really doesn't feel very natural. So the only thing that I think that you really can do in a very healthy way is ensure that you have really Good, trustworthy people around you and that they can provide some type of outside feedback to you when things are happening, because we don't always know it in real time because we're stuck in our own world. But when I tell you, I can probably go up to my mother, father, sister at any given time and they can give me some feedback on things that I probably should change at any given time and vice versa, because we trust each other in that same Capacity and everybody doesn't necessarily have that and you don't necessarily have to have, you know, thousands of people like that, but one or two that can give you real good feedback.
Speaker 1:And let and be honest, If I ever call any of you and tell you something no, do not do not disturb. Hey, phil, stop, you've told me this already.
Speaker 3:But, but you know something, not for nothing, in various situations or whatever, I've already done that for you. Yeah and I was gonna say I was literally gonna say this.
Speaker 1:You have. You know like I appreciate that and when, when, when things like that happen and I'm only speaking for me I get appreciative of it because it makes me aware of what's going on. So, therefore, I know that you're interlocked, you're into the connection of the conversation that we're having and I think that sometimes, and from my understanding, those who don't do that and they constantly repeat themselves is because they feel that they're still being unheard. They have to continually say it until they say hey, you said this 10 minutes ago and I've said it to my mother and she got upset with me. You saw, you saw that they won't get upset with me. And I said you said this three times within the past 10 minutes she's like I'm going to stay at a fourth.
Speaker 3:Okay, it just, it just requires a certain level of awareness and you, you know, when we talk about our parents, it, you know, it's really because you know eventually they will be our ancestors, right? So it really requires us to just be there and being aware and being empathetic, if you will. I have a friend who we went out to brunch recently and he invited his mother and he doesn't let anybody around his mother. He doesn't let anybody around her.
Speaker 3:He's very like. I've noticed, I've known him for a long time and like he was like you want to come eat brunch with us? I was like okay, and I sat there. You are a respectable friend Right and I was just all like. I was like I don't know, I guess I should.
Speaker 1:So you're a kid.
Speaker 3:I was like I should feel good about this. But you know, I was sitting there and you know, talking, talking to him and then talking to her, and you can tell that she, she's having moments, she's getting older and but because I understood that and he knew me, everything was smooth. But could you imagine if somebody just didn't care and was all willing and you wouldn't be able to have that? So we have to look out for our, our, our elders.
Speaker 1:I mean in that argument it's important for that, because then you need that, because you are now his support system.
Speaker 2:That's the thing. There's a level of protection that's also involved in it and that's important to be able to recognize and execute on too.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:So well as we've recognized the time um because it looks at her wrist.
Speaker 2:One more time. It's literally. It's my dad texted me. It's black daddy, that's all.
Speaker 1:It's like that hey, black daddy. Shout out to black daddy and officer Ron. Thank you for guys, for both of you being part of this conversation, even though you were not part of this conversation, um, but I want to ask, I want to ask the listeners, um, to ask your friends, ask your circle, ask, uh, your, your people around you, how you cope if you're experiencing the same thing, and maybe come up with some collective ideas on how to go. Go for it.
Speaker 2:Try the hard, try the hard. Pivot, question that hard pivot is.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to try it. I'm going to tell I'm a text y'all and I'm going to say pivot, dot, dot, dot. Let y'all know.
Speaker 2:You know it's, it's, it's, it's. Sometimes it's perceived well, Sometimes it's not, it's a hit or miss. But that doesn't mean you got, you got to, you got to put it in the rotation.
Speaker 3:You got to try it and you're going to try and see where it just works.
Speaker 2:And if it fails, don't ever do it. You got to put it into the rotation because it's so hot outside Right.
Speaker 3:That's really what it is.
Speaker 2:It really is, but like, do it as, like, make sure it's a hard pivot, with a question too.
Speaker 1:Oh see, no See, that would make me have to be actively involved. Okay, what I'm going to ask, but I'm still trying to listen.
Speaker 3:No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You don't know what's coming out. Have you prepared? You've, you've, you've already listened enough. This is the problem.
Speaker 2:Hey, this is just like you said. Oh, it's so hot outside, Is it Right?
Speaker 3:It could be anything We've asked. The question Is this lint? Is this lint? Look at this lint.
Speaker 2:all over me? Do you get this when?
Speaker 3:did this lint come from?
Speaker 1:Do you know where I can get something out of a lint brush? Oh God, that's another 30 minute conversation.
Speaker 2:Oh, no, don't do all that, you better do it. But if you can even like do it in like a way that like makes them feel like useful, that's even better. Like, oh, got this lint.
Speaker 1:Do you want a lint brush? So what you're saying is, if you're going to do a pivot, make it a hard pivot where they feel like they're the leading character in that hard pivot. Yeah, and you are just directing the conversation along. It's a live podcast. Everybody On that note. Guys, thank you for taking the time to listen to another episode of Highly Motherfucking, melanated the safe space where it's okay to say hey, you said this.
Speaker 4:Maybe I got your money, if you got my money.
Speaker 1:give it to me. You can follow us on all social media platforms, such as Instagram and TikTok. That's highly melanin podcast. You know the rest? We're at this point where it's just like because I'm tired of saying this shit Go ahead and email us at highly melanated podcast.
Speaker 2:It's like, are y'all there? Maybe say it, but in fairness, they be saying the same thing to us.
Speaker 1:So you don't even respond.
Speaker 3:Well, if you don't want to use any form of those contacts, make a hard pivot on over to Twitter. Hard pivot, Now known as X or now known as X at H underscore melanated.
Speaker 1:The only hard pivot I'm going to make to Twitter is my hard dirty.
Speaker 2:Twitter.
Speaker 3:Hard ER you mean you're going to call up Luigi?
Speaker 1:On that note, guys, peace.
Speaker 2:It's me, Luigi.
Speaker 1:Peace, love and. That is not it. That is not it.
Speaker 2:Why does it have to be grease? How?
Speaker 1:else can you get it in? I'm a type baby, contrary to popular belief. That's right.
Speaker 3:You better hide Blair. I'm scared too Okay.
Speaker 1:Peace, love. And he was trying to get in my bum because he wanted me to bend over and put my hand.
Speaker 2:We are not ending the episode like this. We are not.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, I was just repeating myself from what the story I told earlier.
Speaker 2:Oh, is that right Hard pivot?
Speaker 1:Peace, love and hard pivots are way out. Peace, love and hard pivots are way out.