Highly Melanated Podcast
Hosted by PJ, Blair & Red A safe space for you to enjoy every bit of your melanin no matter how "melanated" you are in skin tone, we are ALL Highly Melanated.Come enjoy funny and dynamic conversations that people of color face on a day to day basis with various topics such as loving ourselves, knowing who we are as a people and uplifting each other with a mix of class and rachetness (CLATCHETNESS)
Highly Melanated Podcast
Digital Shadows: A Look at Social Media's Dark Side
Have you ever reflected on how social media is affecting our lives? Imagine exploring the landscape of this digital age with our beloved metaphysical minister and dear friend, Danielle M Holdman. With her, we reminisce about the joyous celebration of PJ's birthday and our thrilling experience at the Sherry Shepherd Show. With a special thank you to Patrick Hester for making that possible.
We also share a rather intriguing tale about a foot sent to Blair. Yet the meat of our discussion lies in the realm of social media, its impact on our relationships, and the undercurrent of cultural conditioning shaping us and future generations.
Unrealistic expectations, unattainable dreams, and overwhelming content—sounds familiar? Navigating the labyrinth of social media, we share our experiences of digital detox and muscle through the struggle to maintain positivity amidst the online chaos. With Danielle, we reflect on the role of content creators and consumers alike, the delicate balance between integrity and virality, and the potential shadows being cast on younger generations wrestling with their digital identities.
As our lively chat draws to a close, we delve into the darker side of social media—the virtual courtroom for public humiliation, the violation of sacred bonds for likes and shares, and the karmic price one may have to pay. In the end, we yearn for the lost art of old-school conversation, encourage exploring the vibrant social scene beyond our screens, and stress the importance of protecting our digital identities. So join us in this soulful journey, let's learn to navigate the digital age together, preserving our mental peace and cherishing human connections that transcend the virtual realm.
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I don't know what it is, but I just love being black DJ here.
Speaker 2:What up dough? It's your girl, blair. You know, melanin was popping yesterday, it's popping today and it's show enough, gonna be popping tomorrow.
Speaker 3:Thanks your boy Red, and you're listening to the Highly Melanated Podcast.
Speaker 1:Hey guys, hey guys, hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of Highly Melanated Podcast. The safe space where it is, I'm slapping on my body.
Speaker 2:You couldn't even get a half section Madela.
Speaker 3:It's a safe space.
Speaker 1:It's okay to spin the block a time or two if you need to. I was trying not to, but it's still there. Dj actually is taking a slow walk around the block again.
Speaker 3:Red, I'm just sitting on my couch.
Speaker 2:Red is currently taking a strolled out memory lane.
Speaker 1:And guys, we have a special, special treat. You guys love her so much. We have Danielle M Holdman back. Our residential metaphysical minister, our home girl, our good girl, girlfriend, is back for a second time. Welcome back.
Speaker 4:The boss. I have reached the boss.
Speaker 2:Come on, good girl friend, All right who has a t-shirt that says B-A-W-S-E, which is the boss Boss.
Speaker 4:If I don't think I'm a boss, who will be?
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So how has everybody been? How has everybody's week has been? I'll start this off. I'll just jump in before I want to close out. I want to say a special thank you to somebody that we all know and love, red Chris, here, my melanated brother, my frat brother and one of my best friends. I don't have to be his, that's perfectly fine. He is still one of mine, and I say this because he spent my birthday a celebration with me and I just enjoyed his company. We had fun and that's what I really wanted.
Speaker 1:On to close out, the birthday of year 43 walking around this earth, and I am happy, happy. We spent it at the Sherry show, the Sherry Shepherd show. Shout out to Patrick. I'm just Patrick. If you follow him on Instagram, please go ahead and do so. Thanks to him, he gave us a wonderful opportunity to be in the audience and I enjoyed it. I really did, and I needed that and I needed to share that with someone and unfortunately, blair could not make it and she did. I don't know if you saw the picture I put in the chat.
Speaker 2:It's a long answer.
Speaker 1:P-Day is by the way, it really was like the universe was saying you should have been there to be honest with you, but it was just a blessing to share that with Chris and that's that's. That's I'm happy.
Speaker 2:I still didn't get clarification on what that picture of that foot was Like. Did they have y'all doing like an?
Speaker 3:active. What?
Speaker 2:is this.
Speaker 3:We're going to. We're going to get to that in a minute, but let me just tell my, my, my, my bird.
Speaker 2:How dare you?
Speaker 3:Let me just tell it. So I was going to make a joke, pj, you know what I mean. I'm always going to try and lighten the mood, but I too had a very good time with hanging out with you. I'm glad that you had a great time for your birthday and once again shout out to Patrick and Sherry it was an amazing show. I had a really good time.
Speaker 2:That's all being on a first date basis with Sherry Shepard. With Sherry, I mean, this is our second time meeting her.
Speaker 1:So it's not like you know. I mean, we're best friends now, hey, Bessie, what's?
Speaker 4:up Sherry hey Bessie.
Speaker 1:You guys are not watching the Sherry show. Please watch it. Like support, like I love the underdog, I love her. She is, she is amazing, she's funny, she's sweet, she's real. I love it. I'm sorry I cut you off.
Speaker 3:No, no, no. I mean, like all of those, those accolades are. Everything that we're saying about Sherry is is she is an amazing person and she's very sweet. You know, I'm glad that I was able to get the opportunity to go with you. You know how I told you guys, one of the things that I am trying to do more so these days is definitely just listen to the universe, and it's just so funny how things worked out, because you know it was a Monday. You know I'm normally at work, but this particular Monday I was off. This particular Monday there was a lot of stuff that was going on at work, so I didn't have to necessarily deal with it. It was just interesting how everything just worked out. The universe just kind of just said you don't need to be there, you need to go out and be. You know, hanging out with PJ, going to the Sherry Shepherd show and then finding your costume for your housewarming, which is how I'm getting to the ugly drawn on foot that we sent Blair, because we all know how much she loves feet.
Speaker 2:Adores them. Don't get people. False misrepresentation of me.
Speaker 3:It was quite an ugly foot, but it was because I had to get art supplies and things because I'm making my costume and it was at a blick. So where you have, like you know, the, the, the tower that has all the different markers and you can test to see how the markers right.
Speaker 2:Oh, I'm sorry. So what you're telling me is that you purposefully drew a foot and then sent it to me.
Speaker 3:No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We purposely sent it to you, but the foot was already drawn. It was we love you and you should have been there with us otherwise.
Speaker 1:That's no, that's. That was us. That was the universe letting us know that.
Speaker 2:Oh Blair your actions say otherwise. You love me, and this sent me a picture of a disformed foot. Oh wait, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 3:And, to be fair, danielle doesn't even know what it looks like, so let me show her.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God, oh, that doesn't do anything for me, that doesn't hide me.
Speaker 3:I was like ooh, let me send it to Blair, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:At least I wasn't alone in this and just didn't just come from me. It came from the both of us, with love.
Speaker 2:Whatever?
Speaker 1:With foot.
Speaker 2:What about you? How?
Speaker 1:have you been.
Speaker 2:You know the strike is striking we went back SAG and am PTP met back at the negotiation tables today, so we'll see what might come of it. We have surpassed our 100th day on strike, so that's fun for me. But the good news is is that the writer strike is over, so it's a good thing. I'm not sure if it's going to be a good one for me, but the good news is is that the writer strike is over, so some work has returned, so like late night shows or whatnot so I've been able to go back to work on Excuse me on SNL. So at least there's that. But we we need to have some movement on the the forefront here.
Speaker 1:So let's see what happens in the next couple of weeks.
Speaker 2:It's was none of that. It was a well it was none of the.
Speaker 1:SNL.
Speaker 2:My.
Speaker 3:Can I, can, I, can I just jump on the flex a little bit, cause we went.
Speaker 2:No no no, no.
Speaker 3:Come on now. Come on Just for a moment, just for a moment, just accept it Okay. When, when me and Eric went to Comic Con this past, like a couple of weeks ago, I pointed out to him the famous American express Blair poster and he loved every moment of it. Yes, you, yes, yes you, flexing on the love.
Speaker 4:I'm going to flex with you. That's so sweet Flexing.
Speaker 2:I should have.
Speaker 3:I should have taken a picture in front of it, but like there was like people on the way, I was just like all right.
Speaker 1:And my dear Danielle, how about you? How have you been? How have you been since the last time you've been here?
Speaker 4:Um, I've been fine, I wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Speaker 1:The word fine is not a good you know. So how you don't have to go too deep.
Speaker 4:No, no, no, no no, no, I am breathing, I'm aware I'm alive and, um, and I am, yeah, I'm good, I'm good, um, yeah, that's all I can really say. I'm good. I have been going through some internal changes. Um, finally, you met with a therapist Last Monday, so that's always good to have a non bias outsider that you can talk to. And it's so funny because, um, when I went to that session, I was like I'm not going to cry.
Speaker 2:What happened Famous last words you move all the way to the end of the session, Didn't you? Yeah, you know some things I was like I am going to be reserved about.
Speaker 4:And then she was asking certain questions, I was like, are we really going to go there, Are we? I mean, because she had to get to know me and get the foundation. And I get it, you know, as I coached other people, which is not therapy, let's just put that out there. But you know, if you're wanting to know what people's goals or their background, you do have to kind of get to the foundation. So I mean, I'm not surprised we went there. But I, you know, I'm not surprised. I cried a little bit, but you know it is what it is for the healing journey. And, um, that's what I'm focusing on as I move towards this next phase in my life, you know. So Can I just be one of the first people to say I'm proud of you, that you are taking the moment and time. I'm proud of you.
Speaker 3:I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of you.
Speaker 4:I'm proud of you.
Speaker 3:But I just want to be one of the first people to say I'm proud of you, that you are taking the
Speaker 2:moment and time to do therapy.
Speaker 4:I've a therapy appointment Tomorrow actually. So we have said it before, we say it again everybody needs their last year and she's the one that properly diagnosed me with my PCOS, which is something that I knew on the long because my experience has been I go to the doctor and they'll do the basics, but it's kind of like an in and out procedure. They put they. They hurry you out of the office because they have other patients to attend to, but Dr Shagok shout out to Dr Shagok but she also had PCOS, has PCOS. So she understood and she's a bad, she's a badass, but she told me she's like everybody, including the people who you least expected, including therapist needs therapy we all.
Speaker 4:We all are going through something. We're all observing and consuming things on multiple levels of our being right that that needs to be processed and filtered out. So that's all I got to say.
Speaker 3:Well then, let's listen. That is a perfect segue into question of the week. Question of the week. Question of the week. Question of the week your questions as they pertain to you prospectively and introspectively. So, daniel, you actually said something that was actually was a part of my question of the week, something that you said earlier, which was just talking about just podcast. And you know, do we find there's like this trend? Is it a fad? You know, are we, are we initiating the right way? Like, do people really have things to say? But I also have kind of like that same wonder about social media. So, question of the week what are you tired of seeing on social media?
Speaker 3:I'll go first Because this shit is pissing me the fuck off. I'm seeing more and more people post things that they should not and it doesn't have to be just one thing but I'm seeing more and more people post things that they should not want out of a relationship or they should not do in a relationship. So, for example, this just popped up which is funny once again the university, university. This just popped up on my Facebook A list of places women absolutely refuse to go out of their way.
Speaker 4:I saw that. I saw that.
Speaker 3:So I, and why I'm so aggravated by this, is because I know everybody has like a standard or, you know, I guess, a line that they're drawing in their head because that's what they want out of a relationship, out of a person. So they don't want certain people to do certain things or go certain places. But it's literally the first date. They're lucky that we even go there. I can suggest a walk in the park, but then there's some people that don't even want that and I think that's ridiculous to kind of be so rigid and dictate where people can and cannot go, Like people are saying stuff like don't go to Red Lobster. Is that a thing Like, and especially being there.
Speaker 2:Red Lobster is good enough for Beyonce.
Speaker 3:But, this is what I'm saying. It's so.
Speaker 1:Hey Beyonce.
Speaker 2:I got her in early today.
Speaker 3:Hey, again, I thought we were already recording because we spoke about her before earlier. But like, yeah, like, so I'm tired of seeing that because I don't know. I just feel like it sets up really unrealistic you know expectations.
Speaker 1:Who wants to go first?
Speaker 2:One thing I'm tired of seeing on social media. I don't know it's very interesting because I don't want to more or less censor anybody, because I feel like that's what part of like the internet is for is for people to be able to express themselves publicly.
Speaker 3:So I don't want to censor anybody because I don't want my I wouldn't want to be censored, but and just to add this in really quickly it's not necessarily a censor, because it's like that gets like really dicey, but it's kind of addressing, like what might the censors be? Because I have another post that I'll mention. You know, after you guys speak again that it's like somebody had a serious issue with it and I said, well, if that's what they want to do, that's their life, kind of like what we said in last episode.
Speaker 2:I'm tired of seeing I'll take in another direction. I'm tired of seeing houses that I can't afford. I feel like it's a personal attack and I don't appreciate it.
Speaker 3:You mean, you don't have $54 million to buy that apartment?
Speaker 2:I keep looking at them, and the more I look at them, the more that they're going to show it to me in my feed and the more my feelings get hurt because I can't afford this $8.9 million house on the beach with 12 bathrooms and six, you know, extra kitchens and whatnot. Not that anybody would ever really need all that, but like I can't afford that, so it makes me feel a little some type of way. So there's that.
Speaker 1:You know there's that guy that I just pulled him up because, as you say, that it just always makes me think of him. He has the hashtag I'm rich, your poor, and he's like yes, of course you don't have different shapes for your ice cubes, of course you know, because you don't, you live in your little cottage or whatever. Like I'm trying to pull up his name Shabbat Shabbat Ali. Yeah, I actually do like his commentary on it. That's what it makes me think of. I'm tired of seeing that too. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm personally victimized by that hashtag.
Speaker 1:Oh, but it's just no. No, but he's, he's funny. I actually, you know, if you guys, I will say check him out, he's, he's pretty funny. Um, to answer your question for me, you know, I to get to it's the only answer I could think of. To be honest with you, I am literally I am tired of seeing the dysfunction of celebrities and their personal relationships and I'm definitely tired of seeing the dysfunction of each other.
Speaker 1:I'm tired of seeing these, these random videos, whether they're scripted or whatever the fuck. And you know, you read the comments and that's why I'm really tired of seeing a lot of these things, because it brings out, or lets you see all of the dysfunction in people. Because when you read these comments, you're like, and there'd be days where I'm like, you know, I think I got time, you know, and but then I don't, because it just it just takes away too much energy and it's just like a lot of negative vibes that's constantly set. It's like, you know, it's like that place, like that low vibrational plate. It's what I think social media has become, oh my.
Speaker 3:God, not you. Bringing that, bringing that up right in time for. Thanksgiving.
Speaker 4:Okay, so what I'm trying to? So, mind you, I was on a social media sabbatical for the past 18 months. I literally just got back on two, three weeks ago, three, three, four, no, a month ago Sorry, a month ago, because I saw all the Beyonce fodder. Um, so, as soon as interesting when you're, when you're not on social media, any of it, with the exception of YouTube, right when you come back your senses it was. I was overly sensitive, I was overly stimulated by what I saw, um, but immediately the first thing I saw to piggyback on you, pj, was the? Um, I'm sick of Christiana and Blueface.
Speaker 2:I don't know who those kids are oh, don't care, I don't care.
Speaker 1:I don't care. I mean, I know who they are, but I don't care.
Speaker 4:I don't care and don't give me on a rant about lack of talent and celebrity and what happened to the don't give. That's a whole. That'll probably be a whole nother podcast episode, but it is also in alignment, and I say this intentionally. I am personally sick of seeing the upliftment of um. How do I say this?
Speaker 1:With words.
Speaker 4:I'm not trying to censor myself.
Speaker 1:You don't say everybody knows who you are here.
Speaker 4:Okay, I guess we can say hood culture, and what I mean by hood culture is um, specifically the, um, the negative aspect, because I think that everything has a duality. I just want to put that everything has a duality. So, specifically, the negative aspect of hood culture is the, the Christiana blue blue faces this function of relationships there. And to the Zeus, the Zeus, whatever they're posting um, you know, zeus network, the Jocelyn cabaret.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have something to say.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and the what is the baddies? West East, mars, venus, I don't know but that stuff and how that's constantly celebrated. And um, I've, I've, I've learned of some new lyrics from sexy red that I didn't know was. I mean, that's what we say now about certain colors of body parts.
Speaker 1:I mean I have so never. I have still never heard that song in its entirety. I literally no. That's all I know, and that's all I want to know. That's it, I'm good.
Speaker 4:Um, but yeah, that dysfunction of hood culture, um, I don't feel seen personally, you know, um, not granted.
Speaker 4:I do follow accounts like uh 2190, you know, about exo Nicole and some parts of essence, and there's certain things and other influencers and regular, regular folks who are, you know, talking to stuff or posting stuff that I is in alignment with what I feel is is a reflection of me or aspect of me. But the way that album rhythm work, it's like you just want to be nosy for a quick second right Blair, and all of a sudden you're getting inundated with everything that is relative to that and it's like no, that's not. I just clicked on two, two posts just to see what was up. So that is just like my senses are getting insulted, because I feel that we're like you said, the comments sections is just horrendous, it's very toxic. Um, I feel like we're, we're, it's our entertainment. Seeing that dysfunction is is a sort of entertainment for us and we complain about it, but we engage with it a lot. And so the algorithm just the algorithm showing us more and then dating our senses.
Speaker 1:So what I've been doing lately, um, I've been honestly like I don't, I don't want to see, I don't want to see us fighting.
Speaker 1:I don't want to see all the dumb stuff. So I myself, ladies and gentlemen, I've I've been reporting and so that, in a way that it will take away from my algorithm, they'll start to see that I don't like this stuff and I've been like really pushing for more things that I really want to see and things that I don't want to see. I just I've been reporting it and they've been coming back denied but, um, it's just because they said, sir, no, sir, I mean it's, and can I have one more?
Speaker 3:Yeah, go ahead, cause I'll close it out with the last thing that I saw.
Speaker 1:And you know, and this may be a little contradictory, and it's not even contradictory meaning his hypocritical Um, cause I think we all go through these phases in life, but if I am not on a porn site, there should be no reason why I should see your naked body on social media. Um, and I say, you know, hypocritical cause, I went through a stage, but during that time I lost 60 pounds in three months. So yeah, but my God, like I wasn't sitting here at ass, cheeks spread open, you know, dick print out here for the world to see. Like you know, I was still trying to be tasteful, but now it's just like. I don't. I can't open Facebook or Instagram on a bus or on a train without even worrying if I care in the moment to care. Most of the time I don't. But you know, without that like added. So I I'm tired of seeing that shit too. I'm really am, I really am. Maybe I'm just old age, I don't know, I guess.
Speaker 3:Well, I, I mean that's why I thought, but that this was so interesting Cause I thought I was thinking about the question a couple of days ago and what triggered it was not what I just saw. This just reminded me. This is why I asked it now. But the the video that I saw I don't know if I sent it to you guys was the couple where they were trying something out to be kinky. So what she did, husband and wife, what they did was this is on Instagram they, the wife, took a big old Amazon box, cut a hole in it and then wrote on it glory hole and waited for her husband to come home and started, you know, going in.
Speaker 1:quote unquote you did share that with us.
Speaker 3:Okay, I did right.
Speaker 2:I didn't, I missed it.
Speaker 3:Okay, so well everything that I just described is exactly how it is. But and I thought that was funny because here I am I like I wouldn't mind, like to me that's goals, like not not in the sense that I'm publicizing it, but to me that's goals because you're keeping the relationship new and fresh. But when I sent it to a couple of people, immediately they said what is the world coming to? Because everybody has this need to, or feel to put on, put out content. And what about the kids? And what are the kids, the, the, the parents, the kids saw, saw their parents, how would they take it at school? But it's an interesting thought process, like is it, is it bad, is it good? So that's why I was just interested in what. What do you think is just like too much now these days?
Speaker 4:And you know I was going to not just the kids, I mean I would be. What about your family members Like so? Thanks for giving me a comment up so um Chris about. I'm going to talk about it on the holidays.
Speaker 2:Right, you got to have something to talk about over the turkey.
Speaker 1:Talking arts and craft over the turkey, so. So, when it comes to the kids, here's the difference between then and now. Um, then there was little or no evidence. Um, so it didn't have to reappear constantly. Um, you didn't have to see it, or it would. You just heard about it. So it was all a lot of by ear. This is rumor, has it before? But now we're visually seeing it like whatever it is, like it doesn't need to happen.
Speaker 1:And then, two, when it comes to the kids, a lot of this stuff we didn't deal with cyber bullying. So bullying stopped at the end of school for the most part, or whoever was in our neighborhood, and then we ended it for the rest of the day and then we went on about our business. Now, if it's cyber bullying now, oh, shut up, your mother sucks dick in, you know, in in the front of your door or whatever. Like you know, like these things have effects that people don't really see. And I mean, I know it sounds sounds crass as I say it, but as, as an educator and Benson in somebody's spaces, I've seen this stuff and I'm just like, wow, like what they actually think is funny, what they actually are enjoying, what they're being pushed with, and I think this also goes back to back in the day when they did that little experiment in was it China, I believe where they showed different for like a certain time period.
Speaker 1:They showed a focus group of this amount of people, let's say, 50 people in one focus group and 50 another and the 51st, so all negative images and videos and things like that, and it has such a negative impact on their life and all the people who saw upliftment and positive. Those people started, you know, making more money, getting things that they wanted, and it's just a positive impact and it's just like the idea of the fact that we keep seeing some of the same shit over and over and think it's okay and but then we don't want to sound old, as we're saying, you know back in my day but you know, I don't know, values are changing and it's trying to find the adjustment, trying to find the median between where we have, like, an importance of having values versus something for an instant laugh or, you know, quick kicks or, as we said earlier, something to go viral over so people can have more eyes on you.
Speaker 1:So that will be potentially making you this imaginary money that doesn't really exist unless you're part of a certain elite group. And in order to get to that elite group, you have to kind of compromise or your integrity comes into play. And we want you to do this. We want you to be like Jocelyn and be a fool and say stupid shit, or you know, you know whatever. But you know, I'm sorry, let me. Let me get off this damn soapbox right now.
Speaker 1:Because I think I'm passionate about this. That's why. That's why y'all keep hearing me always say I don't do social media anymore, like when I, when we did the last episode we did and I remember Johnny Depp and Amber Hurd I was really proud of myself because the fuck, I don't care what does that have to do with, like in everyday life, like, what does that have to do with me, you know?
Speaker 4:I agree with you, and there's always, every time I see something I'm like is it because I'm getting older, or is it the, is it the stuff that we're being exposed to collectively getting worse? I think it's like you know, I mean, yeah, I mean long are the days and I was talking to my friend and my mother about this it's like I, I miss the con, I miss the black excellence back in the day, and this is nostalgic of, like what was in Ebony and Jet Magazine. That's the type of content that I used to really enjoy watching, or I mean, and there's still some stuff out there, but you have to have to dig. What's actually glorified and promoted and circulated the most is the, the, the ratchet, the things that really have you raise your eyebrow. And this is not just about black melanated folks, this is everybody across the board. It's just across what we, what we have okayed, or I mean just what we consume. And really I don't know, it's the, I don't know. Man, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Everybody's a content creator, everybody wants to be an influencer, everyone's willing to go the extra mile or do the extra mile just to get the attention, because the internet is so oversaturated with stuff you know you know, it's also interesting to me, just on this specific topic, is I think it's that it's it's that same old debate that we run into all the time is, you know, where does the fault lie? Does it lie on the person who's creating the content or does it lie on the person who's consuming the content? You know, because it gets to the point where, like me, for example, like I feel like people know who I am, people know my character, people know my integrity, people know who I am genuinely as a person, and I don't think that anybody would describe me as any. You know, anything that might be construed as negative or demeaning or any of that. But I personally do enjoy a little ratchet tree now and again and I do consume it and I enjoy consuming it. But I think the reason why I'm able to do that is because I am able to. It's like, it's like looking at things through like a looking glass. You know, like, oh, it's cool to like, you know, just kind of like embrace that for a minute. But that's not who I am. You know, that's not the essence of me, and I can kind of put that cloak on and have fun with it for a minute and then hang it back up when I'm done and still know who I am at the end of the day.
Speaker 2:And I think that that's because of age, because I've spent time like developing, like who I am and knowing who I am, and social media has not always been a part of that. I think the problem lies in with our younger generations, where social media has always been prevalent, has always been a part of who they are and who and how they develop. That's where we're starting to see, like the effects of what social media can do, because I think all of us here on this, you know, on this podcast, are old enough and to be able to separate ourselves from social media, like we see it as something that we, you know, can consume and observe, but we don't necessarily think that it is a part of us or who we are. And I don't think that the younger generations have that same perspective. I think that they think that they are social media because they are the ones who are creating the content, they are the ones who are putting on the persona and they want the persona that they put on to be the persona that they actually are.
Speaker 1:So the weird part about that conversation is that they are the one creating content and then we are the one consuming it. So if we stop consuming it, would they stop creating it?
Speaker 2:It's debatable. I think you can say yes and I think you can say no.
Speaker 3:So are you saying that this ratchet tree that you like to consume?
Speaker 2:I like to put on the cloak.
Speaker 3:You like to put on the cloak for a minute is wrong, like let's just say that someone, that is their body, that's not a cloak. That's who they are.
Speaker 2:No, I don't think that it's wrong. I think that I don't think that it's wrong. I just know that it's not. It's not the essence of who I am, so it's wrong for me in a sense, like I think that I have devils of it here and there.
Speaker 1:I have a little sprinkle of it here, and there.
Speaker 2:You know I like to sprinkle it in. It makes me feel, you know, it's enjoyable, Like it's enjoyable.
Speaker 1:It's enjoyable, especially to be a woman of who you are. Right, blair, you're a woman of God, you're a woman of faith, okay, and you know people think have this false sense of what that looks like. So then you're wrong to like this as if you're not human, and I think that that's. That's the part when I think. When social media steps too far is when it starts criticizing things that they don't understand.
Speaker 2:And that's what I meant before about like I don't want to censor anybody, but it because it is a lot about like self expression, and maybe that's the other part of it too, especially with, like these younger generations, like we all went through a process of finding ourselves and who we are and who we wanted to be in this world and how we wanted to present ourselves. And I believe that they're doing it too, but obviously they're doing it differently than we did, because they have different tools at their disposal than we did.
Speaker 2:So I have the world at their disposal and eventually, they will find themselves in the way that they want to show up in the world and be, you know, present. And maybe it doesn't look the way that we, you know, would want it to look, but then again, you know, it's a different generation.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah. And also some of them are conditioned to incorporate social media in their life, for example family channels. You know where, every aspect of the time they come out of the womb, actually they're little little league getting you know, videotaping the birth in live streaming and out to the world. Well again, christiane, right, I don't remember that she did that, but of course they didn't see the actual process. But anyway, I'm only fans.
Speaker 4:Yeah, but from the time they're newborns to whatever age, their whole life is documented and plastered online, which enters a whole other ethics. And whether they had, you know, they gave informed consent or not, you know, or they were made to do that, and so they lose privacy and they lose, you know, that sacredness of being able to grow into who they are in a private, behind closed door, without it being exposed for public fodder.
Speaker 2:There is a way to do that correctly too. Like are you guys familiar with the with the YouTube page belief in fatherhood? You guys will probably recognize some of the videos Like like it's the dad, it's the black dad, he's got four kids. Is him and his wife and their four kids. Probably the most recognizable video is the one with like the little boy. His name is Uzi, it's this cute little chocolate little baby and they he does like voiceover stuff on. Like how the baby like be given like side eye and like that kind of stuff whatever.
Speaker 2:So I'll send you the video later, but you guys will probably recognize it once you see it.
Speaker 2:But he actually just did a video Like I just saw it like yesterday, the day before, where basically he was saying that you know, you guys are probably wondering why you've been seeing so much less of us is because they have over like they at first they had over like 800 videos like on their YouTube page and he said that his kids were saying to him like you know, like we're not really wanting to be on camera so much anymore, and his kids asked them if they would take down, if he would take down like a lot of the video.
Speaker 2:So he took down like 300 of like their first. You know, like when they from like the, when they first started their channel, he took down like 300 some odd videos, you know, because his kids asked him to and he said and even now, like we're not recording all the time, like the only time we pick up the camera to record is when our kids say that it's okay because they have autonomy in it. You know they have like a say in it and he wanted that to be part of their experience, because everything you were saying, danielle, like these are these kids growing up in this spotlight? These are these kids that are growing up with a camera in their face and and being monetized for the things that they do on a daily basis. So, of course, like he's, like my kids, should have a say, and so there is a right way to go about you know kind of monitoring or managing these family channels.
Speaker 4:I, I did see that. I didn't see that video, but I seen it being pushed in my YouTube algorithm last week and I have to say kudos to him, kudos to the black father taking a stance and listening to his children, because a lot of these family channels they make buck, bucks, they make money. And I don't know if you this is actually, I don't know if you guys seen in the news plastered about a month ago, month and a half ago, of this white Mormon family where the mother and the mother's business partner is now in federal prison for child abuse. Yes, yes, ruby Frank, and she was and she was doing things. She was abusing her child on multiple levels mentally, emotionally and now physically. She has like seven children or six or seven children, but anyways, they, they, they had years of documentation of you know, of videos of them and the micro aggressions that were being recorded and certain things, but anyways, she ended up. She was getting a lot of blowback about a couple of years ago around the time the panini hit, but pandemic hit.
Speaker 4:And then she kind of she because she was getting blowback, not because her kids didn't want to be on video. Because she was getting blowback, she took down the videos. And now just recently, one of her children who escaped out of a house in Utah and ran to a neighbors and he had bruises, bruises and moon open moons and duct tape around his arms and legs that he was able to escape out the window and you know he wanted with some water but cops came. But so you have that whole whole thing and then another layer of that with you know to kind of leave off with the children this is why I'm kind of about children being on the internet is you do have the pedophiles that do watch this and they do get off on I mean as simple as something as feet being shown from a child and the bathing of children and all that kind of stuff on the video.
Speaker 1:So I have a really strong opinion about this period. Like there's like, and this is not going to change. And now, without going into too much detail or sharing anything really super personal that is in my place to tell, but dealing with that in my own family with a niece who is underage but creating accounts as just she's 18. And you know, this is something that happens and this and this ends up being other issues down the road, and so I really do not believe, I don't, I don't, I don't think, I don't care how many other kids have phones at certain ages in case of an emergency, I don't care about that. I don't care about them having internet access at their friend's house. I don't care.
Speaker 1:You are my child and you will not have those things. And you will understand much later in life why I did this for you, because you will see the difference in how you communicate with others, how you communicate with yourself, how you know yourself versus all the people around you who have used what they view as who they are, versus who they really are. You know, and unfortunately I don't have kids and that's like one of the like, that's one of the only things that makes me a little sad about not having a son or a daughter is because I would love to bring someone into this world who is fully aware of who they are, without the validation of the internet, and just them being a fully, just just a wonderful human being, based on whatever. However I raised them, their choices really determines how wonderful of a human being they will be, but like at least the foundation that I have given them, which will not be internet based literally, we probably wouldn't even have a TV you know like, and there's, there's not having a TV?
Speaker 2:Wait a minute. How did they go see Auntie Blair, like I mean okay, these are the real questions Come on.
Speaker 1:I mean they will not have a TV, Like there's no TV in your room.
Speaker 3:There's not a TV in my room. Well, no, there is now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but like the TV, so like growing up, so like you know. And so here's, here's the wonderful thing, because I remember us talking about, like when we wanted to have this conversation, and the idea is, like, you know, number one once again, daniel, thank you again for coming back to yours. You know, you, you've we've done a little decorating, but your key still works. As you see, your wing is still here. No one has been in it. We've been cleaning it, we've been, you know, pruning the plants and taking care of things you know. So it still smells good, it smells like lavender for you.
Speaker 4:It's my like feet when I came in here earlier.
Speaker 3:You know that's PJ side.
Speaker 1:Oh, I was about to put my foot in the camera. That was like Blair with side off. But you know, like the last conversation we had come back, okay, the last conversation we had for those of you who do not recall, daniel was one of our special guests back in 2021. And we were talking about shadow work, and so it's so. It's so, it's like almost like full circle. I think it was around. The time was actually in September when you came on before, and now we're talking about like out of the shadow, because the shadow itself starts also with what's your, what's your feeding yourself, and part part of social media has taken just a way of a lot of things. That is important to each individual family and, for my opinion, and to not to spin the block on that topic from two years ago.
Speaker 1:We spin it today.
Speaker 4:Make sure I'm not doing those side shows and donuts from the Bay area. On what side shows and donuts are?
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, we spin in the.
Speaker 4:We spin in the cars, we spin the block, we're doing side shows, but anyways, that's a whole another you know topic. But anyway, going back to what we were just talking about, about the children in the social media, is when your shadow is being developed, because it's all relative. Part of that that creates the shadow is your cultural and social conditioning, on top of whatever family issues, whether negative or positive, that you are growing up in, and that contributes to the, to the development of the shadow. So, if your child is constantly on social media, because you're busy as a parent, because as a parent you're going through, like you got work, stuff, you know whether, if you're still working from home, but if you're, you know you got work bills, your relationship, if you're in a relationship, if you're still married or with a partner, whatever, whatever, and then you got your own mental illness, illness or issues you're going through, then I'll tell you that you're raising a child and what happens is a lot of parents they allow devices to babysit their child. Just go out here, take this on. The mama's busy, you know, and so the device is, is is really raising or keeping them company and they're clicking on these different apps and they're going on, these social, different, different platforms, but not just social media, live stream platforms or roadblocks or whatever. And they're, and so they're.
Speaker 4:They're early development, and the engagement with others is in a setting such as social media, and social media is the wild, wild West. So they're seeing everything. Their subconscious mind is recording everything that they're seeing, it's absorbing everything, whether they're conscious of it or not, and so it becomes suppressed, because it's supposed to suppress and repress. So one is what we consciously, you know, suppress, and the other is what we, what we're not consciously doing, you know, you know, but anyway, so they're observed, it's recordings. The subconscious mind is recording everything, and so that can also so, depending on the experiences that they have, or what they're hearing about themselves, or what they're bearing witness to and what they're. So that contributes to the development of the shadow and and and that can be projected onto others and expressed in different ways.
Speaker 4:It could be triggered by certain things. So, you know, people have to be, and even as adults, how many times have we fallen in the trap of comparison? We're comparing our lives to a fraction of a fraction of another person's life. We think they have it so good and really it could be staged. You know, or we're like. I wish I had the relationship. They got Meanwhile behind honey. They got issues up the yin and yin Meanwhile people are showing their beautiful houses or their beautiful rooms, whatever.
Speaker 1:But how about you do a 360, a 180 on the camera? Show what's behind there, not let's show us what you cleaned up to look at. As you can see, I'm blurred. My apartment isn't a mess, but I'm blurred because I just like this color scheme behind me, right, but like when I, when I'm on a former social media, that that like, like if I'm on TikTok or if I'm on Instagram, or even if I decided to go on Bego, I am always who I am and who I present to be and that's not a show for anyone.
Speaker 1:Because I think that we start to now lose a little bit more of our authenticity based on what is popular in social media, which will get you traction, will get you likes, will get you this invisible bag at the end of the social media rainbow, like. It's a weird, it's a weird space to be in and then not feeling informed for, like, random things that everybody's talking about, like. And there are moments where and this is one of the things I say to you, blair, and I don't think I've mentioned this to you, chris, before, but you know there are a lot of times my social anxiety really pops in because I don't say connected in what the little things that are going around, because I don't stay, I'm not interested, I don't care, I don't. That has nothing to do with me. So I might be aloof or I might not want to hang around people because of what they are accustomed to talking about. I don't care about real housewives, I don't care about all these different things. I don't care about whatever I care about.
Speaker 1:You know scripted shows. You know things that was created for a purpose to watch. You know reality TV has destroyed television altogether and like and not even reality TV, because reality TV back in back in our day with you know MTV Cribs and you know those at the beginning of social media. I think it was great and I want to ask you all, like, when do you feel like it started to crumble, if it has crumbled, and what do you? Do you think there's any way to get it back on a track that would be satisfiable for you and your family or just for you in general? Load of question.
Speaker 4:Pium, pium, pium. Well, because I've been on social media since. Well, I was on Black Planet, right, uh, um, but even with Twitter, or whatever it's called now, which I don't no longer have an account there as of a year ago, and Facebook I don't have an account on that either, but, um, I was on Twitter around 2006, 2007. And then what I noticed you should say 2006., 2006, 2006. Whatever, what happened, don't shoot ever, don't shoot ever. He said. Don't you ever Come on 20 minutes?
Speaker 1:Take it out of the way.
Speaker 4:I speak, okay, don't do ever.
Speaker 1:Who? Not me? Yes, Ms Leo, I will not interrupt you while you speak.
Speaker 4:No, but um.
Speaker 1:Yes, there's two Leos in here today. You have to have a cup.
Speaker 4:No, but um, I kind of pinpoint like different social media times is like when Michael Jackson passed away, that was very interesting, the how people congregate and interact with each other and how the internet shut down. But and then when Beyoncé released her album 2013, beyoncé and how that was big, but what I noticed to shift in discourse and how people communicated with each other. People have always showed their ass metaphorically and you know, and now even literally in some cases, but I noticed the shift changing around. Um, when Mike Brown passed away, I felt like collectively, um, the discourse on Twitter and how Twitter kind of became hostile.
Speaker 4:And I'm using Twitter as an example of just of social media for me, from what I can consciously remember, how the energy shifted. It wasn't fun anymore because everything became an argument. You post something out, everyone. It's like it was the people used to be able to, back in the day on Twitter, used to have friendly, as much as friendly as you can with strangers, um exchanges, you know, and it was all about networking and it still could be about networking. That's what my attention now, as I get back on social media, is like. I'm gonna use this as a networking tool, you know, like a virtual Rolodex. But there was a time between right around Trayvon Martin 2012 and 2014, is where I noticed a shift um, where it became more about social awareness and bringing light to injustices, bringing light to truth, to light. Um, and then, even when people posted it, people started attacking each other. Um, and then, as far as the visual content, I started seeing a shift where I was gonna say, okay, this is around after Trump got into office.
Speaker 1:I was gonna throw in the shift really started.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it's like, but, but, but. But. I like I picked up on it around 2014. That's where I picked up. My own personal feed started changing where it used to be like, where everybody used to gather around and watch the BET Awards and MTV Awards or whatever awards, like a big black family and we all was just it happened.
Speaker 1:Commenting and talking about whatever artists were performing. That was me, and then yeah, it was a grand.
Speaker 4:A grand. I mean, I missed those times. And then it just to the point where I was like I just remembered, right around, trump definitely was like, okay, this is it when it was, just like I didn't want to be on here anymore. I'm scared to post because I don't want to be attacked in the comment section or in my comment section, or because I remember one time I was attacked or dragged on Twitter, all because now I know this person can be polarizing. I don't have a problem with her, I like her.
Speaker 4:But Amanda Sills, right, they were having an issue with her on Twitter and all I said and they're like who is she to say something? Why is she representing the black community? All I said was well, she did get a degree, a master's degree in African-American studies. Why did I get dragged because of that? And then it was and I was like well, they were like well, what school did she go to? I was like she went to Columbia. Well, that's not even a black, historical black university. I want to be like well, did you even go to school? I mean like, who are you to?
Speaker 3:you know, well, karen, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding, but shoot, that's what I want to know.
Speaker 2:I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1:They're there and there. Which one is that?
Speaker 4:At least she's actually speaking about what she got a degree in. You know what I'm saying. She's actually independently doing work at whether she's a celebrity or acting. That's how she can expand her platform to do what she needs to do. So that's when I was like man I can't even tell say that somebody got a degree in something without being attacked in the comment section, and that's what I see even in on Instagram, just like as of right now is you can go into the shade room or neighborhood talks or any other or any of these platforms. The comment section is like you got to make sure you come strapped up, you got to make sure your gun is loaded, because if you say you got to be ready to shoot, because people are quick to attack you and come at your neck and they're not even have this healthy discord over the comment, but they'll start attacking you as a person, like they even know who you are Right right right.
Speaker 4:And then that's when you're like, fuck it whatever, I don't care, I don't even want to contribute. You know, that's how I view it.
Speaker 3:I'm going back into. I was trying to figure out like when it started like really changing for me. So I'm like actually scrolling back into some of my feed, because you can sometimes tell by the way that you interact with the rest of the social media world that when things started to change, I noticed like I don't like negative, I don't like negative energy. So if you've never been on my particular Instagram Acting Region ACT, Pump Club.
Speaker 2:He better spell it out.
Speaker 3:I started to really like well, this is when it was. This, this is I'm going back to right now. I'm up until 2009. I think a lot of things started changing, like right around, when I started putting positive affirmations.
Speaker 3:If you guys have ever been on my page, I've always wanted to say something that was not just post stuff about me or my friends and my experience. But I realized that there was something missing, where people needed to be inspired, needed to see a different perspective and different point of view. I felt like suddenly, at that particular point in time, I felt like there was this need to balance certain things, because it became all or nothing about one thing or the other. One of the things that's coming to my mind I can't seem to think of something else right now but the capitalization of certain things. Like when only fans showed up, like now, everybody is like trying to be bodied down, is in some crazy vacation spot. That like, but not just like, oh, you went on vacation and you're on a beach, but like the tip top tier of like, oh, everything is all inclusive and it's only $70,000 and we're in Mekinos and stuff like that Like it's the capitalization of it and that really set me off, because sometimes you look at experiences and you want to have those experiences.
Speaker 3:But at what point do you say and I know that we have a better grasp on it, maybe because we're from a different generation, maybe because we're just more in tune with ourselves, but we have a better grasp on it and we can say all right, that's nice, there's $54 million house, like Blair said, is really really nice. But that's not going to be me, at least not anytime soon, unless something drastically happens. So why am I looking at this? Why am I going to tease myself? Why am I going to aggravate myself beyond all recognition?
Speaker 1:Wait before we play you answer. The first thing that jumps at me is my favorite, like when I say that there are certain hashtags. I might even show the name of the hashtag, but the Don't throw another hashtag at me.
Speaker 2:This is going to traumatize me, because I'm still traumatized. I'm rich and broke.
Speaker 1:No, he said, I'm rich and poor, but no oh excuse me. I'll send it to you because he's literally funny. He's just laying in the bed just talking about how we're all poor because all these rich people have all these different things. But one of the sound bites that I like to go down like it'll make me laugh because it'll show the truth about life is my life be like ooh, ah, and then you turn around, and then the sound changes.
Speaker 1:You can see how social media is this thing where, yes, it is supposed to be this space, or it can be for this space, to provide pretty images and nice things and things that Like a Pinterest. Take like how Pinterest first, I like.
Speaker 4:Pinterest.
Speaker 1:That's my safe space, and so Pinterest tends to be a very safe space and I like it too and I think I'm getting back into it because but I keep everything private. Nothing is public on my Pinterest and the idea of now in order for us and who we are the four of us even right. If we want to be successful air quotations our social media needs to be open, like it can't be private or it can be, but when we go into auditions, this is what they look at and look to see who your following is how many of you following what's your engagement, like you know, Well, sad note real quick.
Speaker 4:I heard, even with the actors and actresses. Now maybe you can correctly bled that they want to know. Make sure you have a huge social media following. I just heard about this last week.
Speaker 3:Absolutely.
Speaker 4:Like that's how they're casting people. Do you have a social media?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's part of the business now, because if you have a following, then that means that they're going to follow you into whatever product it is that they're casting you for. So your audience becomes their audience.
Speaker 3:Correct and it's particularly big with what PJ was saying with reality TV.
Speaker 4:So your identity is based off of your social cloud, correct?
Speaker 2:And that's not necessarily your identity, but your marketability is based on your social cloud.
Speaker 1:So, like, if you go on to Blair's IG, her IG is very much she's a working actress, working model, and you know the things that she may repost, which I don't think you repost a lot of stuff.
Speaker 2:I'll post things to my stories, but I won't put it on my feed.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so it's very intentional. When you look at Chris's, it's very like. I love the way I remember when you switched up and you started doing the box box. You know, in the different pictures here, the inspiration, one picture of yourself, another inspiration. I was trying to do that something years ago and I just couldn't keep up with it. Also, I was probably going through something depression, so I couldn't do it. And so, like, how I do? I do three posts at a time and then which I stole from you, blair, but I do three posts at a time and then I'm gone for however long I want to ever post anything. But I'll use TikTok as my way to talk to people, but it's very specified. I don't really try to include any personal thing in there because that's not for that. That's literally for my story times and that's it Like. And so my social media. Now I look at it and I'm like I want to go through so much stuff and start deleting all the stuff that I used to share.
Speaker 4:It's amazing.
Speaker 1:I think Blair was going to go. I'm sorry.
Speaker 4:Oh, no, no, I was just going to say it's amazing real quick is how the algorithm is dominating or dictating our professional careers, our professional life and even our personal life. I mean because my trade, trade is actually marketing and business and stuff so like numbers like that, just stuff like that with the now how the algorithm is influencing the work or the potentiality of a working actor and actress or how marketable can they can be. It's very interesting, interesting to me because I already see we've already seen what it's done to the music industry and the quality of artistry, the lack of artist development and the quality of the music that they have that is out now, and how they're only marketing anything that's popular on TikTok or whatever is the popular sound compared to the artist development, like as little as 20 years ago and even more. But that's a whole, like a no another subject, but it's but, but the, the, the subject of algorithm domination and dictation. It's a real thing.
Speaker 1:That's like Debbie Allen, who I think if I'm not mistaken I believe it was Debbie Allen who made this comment in reference to people who want to be dancers and you can answer.
Speaker 2:But you're just doing a.
Speaker 1:TikTok dance. No, you need to do a routine and do it again and again and again, not these little 10 minute, these little 10 second clips of you doing whatever the latest trend is. That doesn't make you a dancer because you want to be somebody in the social eye, because you keep posting things that are toxic, so people are have eyes on you. That does not make you an influencer. That I mean.
Speaker 3:Well, I mean it makes you an influencer, but you don't have substance necessarily. Yeah, I'm glad, but I'm glad that you had brought that up because to whoever's listening to this right now, I want them to realize and understand that the even though the landscape of entertainment if you're in entertainment, or even starting a business even though the landscape of entertainment business has changed and everything has been changed, everything has been geared towards like, you have to have X amount of followers, you need to do X amount of posts or whatever. That's all well and fine, but it's not the end, all be all, and that's what I have to keep telling myself, even up until now. I'm saying this and I'm actually talking to myself because I used to get so bent out of shape that I'm not posting things right away, or I'm not doing this right away, or I didn't get X amount of followers, because, on the back end, if you're going to be really honest, there's a lot of stuff that I'm doing that's getting me to where I need to be.
Speaker 3:I might just not necessarily post it, and you know, just like with Blair and PJ and even you, daniel, you know you sit down and you look at, oh, they're not really posting anything, but we all know that we're busy. We talk about it all the time. So there's other things that we can do. That's not necessarily social media heavy and, quite frankly, you should be doing them anyway because you should be a well rounded individual, not like doing the one off tick tot dances like PJ mentioned.
Speaker 4:Mm. Hmm, it's about redeveloped. I mean like for me, as I integrate social media back into more my personal life not my personal life is. I'm also redeveloping my relationship to social media and part of it is using third party scheduling apps.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because.
Speaker 4:I'm not saying be so, I'm not. I mean, I like, I'm telling you, when I jump back on to social media after not being on it for 18 months, it was, I mean, my, my, it was. It was way too much and I was getting social anxiety and my nervous system and that's another thing. I've been very mindful my nervous system, and how can I can comment or regulate it and I felt that social anxiety creep back up and like, ok, this is, this is too much. I'm getting ahead, I'm literally getting ahead of a and I'm getting overwhelmed. I need to put it down and then all of a sudden, I kind of got desensitized to it. But then I can also see where I get into that whole doom scrolling and when I can get with, when I am conscious of it and catch it. That's when I'm like, ok, it's time to log off, or not only just log off, delete the app off your phone for a couple days, you know.
Speaker 4:But I also want to say this will quick, going back to what they about the algorithm and social media and how it's dictating one's professional life specifically is.
Speaker 4:They're also saying that like, for example, what music in, when the labels and the industry are only focusing on the numbers and how it's translating on to stage presence. People are losing money with the tours. People are actually having to shut their tours down because it's not selling and also the stage presence ain't stage presencing, and so you're only basing your career off of numbers and how you look. You're not developing your craft. You're not developing this is another thing I'm passionate about but you're not developing your artistry, and that's going to influence whether you have longevity, whether you can be independent of the algorithm and the social media, whether you can have your own career and do your own thing, independent of what the powers that be are trying to dictate the industry. So I mean that's very important to be mindful of that, to have that nice balancing act between the both of them and not allow it to just stress you out. Not allow it to stress you out.
Speaker 2:I think the thing with that specifically is is really just about, like, how you measure success. You know, because it depends, like, unfortunately, that's the way the industry is Like. If you want to be successful in the way that the industry is and the terms that they dictate, you got to play by their rules If you want that type of recognition or fame or clout or whatever it is. But, like you said, if, like, you're more focused on just the artistry and the quality of like, what it is that you're putting out there, as opposed to, like having to play by X, y and Z rules and have this many followers and this much social engagement in order to, you know, sell out X, y and Z arena, this set, and it's like, you know, it's really about just what you deem to be a measure of success for you.
Speaker 2:Because some people, like there's this artist that I remember I went to go see once and it was a small little, you know, venue, like in the city, like nothing big, like it held maybe, like you know, 50 people and you could just tell that they were just, you know, they were ecstatic to be there, you know, because they felt good about, like, what they were doing, what they were putting out there and they, you know, I mean, I guess that's just what I mean Like it's, and that's the same thing with social media too. Like everybody, more or less, is playing the game, like we're all playing the game, but some of us care about the game a bit more than others.
Speaker 3:So, yeah, I also just want to say this also, knowing what kind of individual you are in terms of how you can measure yourself. Like the social media tools that are there right now, they're built in a way that they can measure the metrics immediately, and sometimes those metrics are not are not the best way to accurately depict your worth, if that's a way, if I can like put it like that. So, for example, if you just started and if you got one day you said you wanted to learn how to paint, then that takes time. There's no real metric on how, like what, how well your painting or art gets better. You know what I mean, because it's one is subjective, but then two, you don't. You learn things at different rates and speeds depending on who you are or what your affinity is to.
Speaker 3:But if you was to paint for the next let's just say, five to 10 years you would see a difference between the piece of art that you painted on day one versus the piece of art that you painted on in year 10. So I think it's important for you to understand that. I think I love the way that my artworks, you know, when it comes to acting, I know I love doing stuff like in spurts and then stopping for a moment, because then it settles in my head and I can notice almost immediately, if I do a project or I pick up and I do something, the difference in the way that I approach things. So you know, don't be so hard on yourself when it comes to the social media aspect, because you'll eventually get there. You just have to, you just have to want it.
Speaker 2:And just like you said, like social media, especially the analytics part, like it's not about you. It's not. It just like you said, it's not a measure of your value. Social media is not about you. Social media is about how people respond to you, how people engage with you. It's more a measure of how other people interact than how you are and how you present yourself. It's about how people react and respond to it.
Speaker 1:And see it. You know, and I would love to challenge people to take some time away, like literally delete the app off your phone, do something different, switch it up a little bit, and it's like being abstinent from social media, like you can be abstinent from sex. Abstinence does not just mean sex, y'all, by the way. Abstinence means abstaining from said whatever, so like taking a break is actually really it's centering, and so we're not having this conversation to tell y'all about it. We're just sharing our thoughts on about like social media and like the effects.
Speaker 4:I do have a question though. Go ahead Do you think social media is hurting or helping you.
Speaker 1:You are literally in my head because I said we talked about a lot about, like the negative aspects of social media, but there are some positive ones.
Speaker 4:Does it define black culture? Is it defined? Is that what defines black culture? It?
Speaker 1:depends on who's viewing this black culture Now. Does it define the black culture that you and I walk in every single day? Or does it define the culture based on the white gaze? Gay?
Speaker 4:No GA-Z-E.
Speaker 1:That was two, but GA-Z-E about what it means to be black. So that's the only. That's the about it for me. I don't know the word I would use if I say I was like what is that? I don't know, it's just the word, I just I okay, it's the, it's the beep.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna rock with it.
Speaker 1:Please, I don't know what it is, but is I think that that's the caveat, there we go, that's the word. Okay, so, but I think that if it's, if it's, if it's like you were saying about Jet Magazine and the write-on magazines and the word-up magazines, that's the write-on magazine.
Speaker 1:No, even those like those, like yes, those were still celebrating our culture and pop culture, you know, but you had that. You had black enterprise, you know, you had Essence when it really first started, ebony when it really first started, you know. And then you know, and then Max, max, was it? Maxum started. And then, I think, when Maxum like, which is the like sports illustrious style, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, double XL, yeah when they started like really becoming thing.
Speaker 1:I think that's around the time right before social media pot. Because that's you know, that's you know how we used to look at porn back in the day. We had the Steeler Magazine, and then, you know, hide on the train or on the back of the bus all the way in the back going back to Jersey after leaving our grandmother's house in Brooklyn. But very specific.
Speaker 2:Very specific. Thank you, I don't require you to call that being my experience.
Speaker 1:But I think it's just. I think there are some positives to social media and it's just in any aspect, like there are some positives to owning to being a gun owner. I myself am not. I am myself am a anti gun, so I don't want to be a gun owner, but I do know there are positives to it, just like there are positives to using social media. Like all of us who, especially during the pandemic, the, the, the pandarosa, we, we went through all of this and we went through it together. And there were apps like Clubhouse when it first started, when it was good, you know, and that's what we needed. There were apps like ego when it when, when it first became popular for the black community. That's when it became a good thing. And then, slowly, we are the drivers of social media. The corporations are just the ones putting in what we're driving towards. So if we switch directions, maybe we can get some conscious rap, but maybe we can get another album from common and he might go back to being called common sense who knows where is Wow.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so like and so it's. Remember and this is even so, even like into music. Remember, like Andre 3000 was talking about, he never wanted to put out another album because he was going through all the social anxiety and how he felt about himself and how he felt people were viewing him and his art and this and that, whatever, they were misunderstanding him and he didn't know how he was on top his last blah, blah, blah. You know, a lot of this is public perception. I live now more, so more I may. I may not live as much in the public eye as I used to, but when I'm physically out in the public I actually have more fun because of that. You know, which is odd, because I literally, when, when, when Chris and I was at the show, we literally be between commercial breaks, you would think that it was our, we were, we were on the couch, because the way our antics were, the security was like your brother.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, that security guard I think, positive for me.
Speaker 4:I mean, if it wasn't for social media, I never would have met PJ and never would have been introduced to Chris or Blair, even though the platform we were on was like the bottom of hell. But you know, I feel like I do feel like God really uses different avenues to have you meet the right people. And even through that particular platform, and how I came across PJ and how he popped up in like whatever hot 100 and I the prize, and you know, pj was just like immediately, it was like finding an old kindred spirit. You know, out of all the stuff, the volatile stuff was on there, pj was PJ, was just PJ, and it was like finding an old friend, come to find out it was six degrees of separation. You know, and that's why I say I feel like the divine, that God uses different things and methods to get you to the right people.
Speaker 4:So for me, when I stated, as I get back into using social media again, I want to be intentional and I want to use it for networking, it's the same would having a podcast. Why I'm getting my podcast back up together because I get to talk to people that I normally wouldn't be able to talk to because of the distance, because I'm way over on the West Coast and y'all, I'm no longer on the East Coast anymore and someone may be in Japan or New York or whatever, and I get to have these conversations where I normally wouldn't be able to have it on a regular smuggler basis. So, yes, social media can be good, but I think also you have to be very intentional, because once you get lost in this, loss in the sauce I keep using all these slangs, but once you get lost in social media, you can go, you can go down a rabbit hole and it can really do a number on your, your mental and emotional body.
Speaker 2:Yes, so, with that in mind, because we have talked a lot about what the not so positive impacts of social media are and have been. I know, pj, you just made the suggestion that everybody should take time away from social media. You know, take it off your phone, you know, take it off your computer. What have you? What are to close us out? What would you suggest as some alternatives that people can engage in that would still allow them to be social, allow them to kind of get like the, the the positive aspects of social media allowed them to, to still experience that. But what's another method that they can achieve that?
Speaker 1:that red has a hand up, like me in class, you mean?
Speaker 3:you mean, he mean, aside from using social media? Yes go out and touch some grass, that's it. I was gonna say you can't answer it, but that's it.
Speaker 3:That's it. I mean, I think, people today. So for those of you that know me out there, I love nature. I think there's so much beauty that's involved with the macro aspect of it, the micro aspect of it and everything between, and I don't think people just take the time to just let their mind wander and drift. Even with me loving nature the way that I do, I know that I need more of it and I'll be a tree, oh God, that's okay. But I but that's sometimes. I think that's what people need and I think sometimes people find that boring. I think, like going back to what you know, the question, a week with, with the list of places not to take me on a first date, you know, I think like that's a perfect date to just be walking, taking a height, talking to each other, getting to know each other. You know, I think that people don't do it enough and that's all I have to say go out and touch some grass.
Speaker 1:You know, I'll say not only just touch grass, but just touch people consensually.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's consensual, maybe it's consensual, but like, but, get, be amongst people and remember. And so this had me thinking about when, like, the chat rooms became a thing, right, and the chat rooms were basically another, the next extension of the meetups that they would like. If you're like into photography, here's gonna be a bunch of people in this area that like doing photography, you should come out, meet up, and you know, like, I think the app was called meetup or the website was called, and that was a great way. You know, that was one of the ways. When I first started podcasting, I started moving in and that's how I become became connected with ephro's and audio, you know, and then being part of that festival two years, three years in a row, it just like broaden the horizon versus what social media can do, because we can all say who we are to the camera or to the microphone, but who we are shows who we are when we're face to face with someone. So I would say, get out and touch some grass and then touch some people consensually.
Speaker 2:That's how you just like. Throw that into their thins and consensually.
Speaker 4:I mean because if you do not, I agree with grow out in nature 10,000 steps, that's where I'd be in nature.
Speaker 1:Oh, y'all should see, Danielle. She's like fuck you, Macy. These 10,000 steps have been.
Speaker 4:Yes, but it's a prep of having to get back out in the public, but anyway. But yes, meetups, go out and join. Meetupmeetupcom is still in existence. Start your own meetup around a topic or a subject that you're interested in. You know, attend conferences, just go out and meet with people in person and connect with individuals and have a conversation off of social media.
Speaker 4:Or connect with the people you met online. Try to meet with them in person if you can, if that's where the relationship has gone, where you feel comfortable and safe Inferences on safe, if you can network with them in person and have a conversation and follow up with them. And that's that. That's to me, is like meetups and conferences. And meeting with people outside in real life is alternative to social media and you can still shoot the shits and have a conversation and talk about what's going on and whatever. Because I think I think also social media has had an effect on the way people do talk to communicate with each other or even instigate some type of communication offline or just whatever how people relate to each other.
Speaker 1:That instigate word hit hard Because people just don't know. But wait, don't fuck around and provoke to find out. So that's what social media is like. We're provoking you so you can respond a certain way. My integrity is going to still keep me in the same way. You will find out if you go too far.
Speaker 1:But it doesn't have to be oh like. We're not playing the dozens every single time. I'm not reading you every single time. I'm not clearing you off the cross the board every single time. There's no need for that, because you are a single human being, walking around with your own life and your own struggles and your own trauma that you are not projecting, trying your best not to project on other people.
Speaker 1:But while you use social media apps, social media video apps or whatever it is, tick, tock, anything else, period, you, you, you, I'm. So I am on my soapbox again. I'm sorry, I feel like it's like the old man, but I really mean it because there's so much. I just wish that people would just understand that social media does not make you who you are. You are not who your followers are If you go to our social media. Now.
Speaker 1:Listeners, we've been saying it for a while follow us on social media. The funny thing is that you guys are not there on our social media but we get the downloads, so you exist in the tens of thousands of, so there's not an imaginary number. You guys are here. So I appreciate you and because y'all don't go there, we're not going there, because I don't feel like going to social media to rebuild it or to you know, if you want a job, please send out an email to highly millinated podcast at gmailcom and we'll talk about that, but none of our personal ones, and we'll talk about that. But like for for me to be on social media, I'm just. I just cut off. I'm so sorry, blair, I just jumped in because I just felt at the spirit and the flame moves you, let it prove you you know, but go ahead.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry.
Speaker 4:Oh no, I was just going to say real quick I'm stopped using social media as a weapon and you airing your relationship out for us to consume and an act of a humiliation ritual for the next person is wrong. Karma does come back to balance things out. It's. I really tell people whatever is sacred to you, keep off of social media, including your relationships, and if there is a problem within the relationship, do not vent to social media to embarrass the other person, because things on the internet live forever. It will bite you in the behind in the long run.
Speaker 4:And then don't and don't turn around and get mad when people have an opinion about what's up on your relationship.
Speaker 3:I mean I'll be guilty.
Speaker 4:It's kind of like come on, check this out real quick. But then after a while it's just like really I wouldn't ever want to be in a relationship with you, you know, because this is what you're going to do when you get mad. You're going to use this tool to abuse me. But anyways, we just got passionate.
Speaker 1:Go ahead, Blair.
Speaker 2:No, I was just going to say I mean, I think you guys touched on on all the heavy hitters, and I especially you with you, danielle, in the sense of like, go out and find some some conferences, some meetups, some special interest groups, especially living here in a big city like New York. You know, there's so much that's going on all the time. If you just, you know, step outside and see what's going on. The only other thing that I can add is you know, just old fashioned, pick up the phone and call somebody you know. I think, like we get so lost and it's so funny because, like, I'll have like multiple different like chats on Instagram with all of my friends and some of them like overlap into like other groups and whatnot, and it's nice to be able to like talk to everybody collectively like in that moment. But that conversation is centered on what we're seeing on social media, because we're sending you know posts to each other and and discussing like the posts and whatnot, and that's cute and it does serve a certain purpose.
Speaker 2:But there is a lot to be said for just picking up the phone and calling somebody you know and just having a conversation with them. That has nothing to do with social media, just asking them like how's their day, what are they doing, how was work? Would you eat? You know, how are you feeling? Just those kind of conversations and a lot of that we do have online, so let's take it offline, in IRL, as we used to say back in the day. I know right, isn't that crazy? So, yeah, that's, that's. That's just my contribution to what we can do, instead of focusing all of our efforts through social media as a channel.
Speaker 1:Oh boy, guys, guys, guys, guys. Well, first, before we end out, thank you, Danielle, so much for agreeing to come back. We actually, we wait. We save this conversation just for you. No, for real. And you know, the universe moves in the way that it moves. It just would happen to make sense for us to release this one, and I was having this conversation right after we had the last one, which just fuels into what we're saying here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I would, I would there would be no other person I would want to have. I want to share this space with, then you know you.
Speaker 4:Oh, thank you.
Speaker 1:And you know I know shirt and coat shit, so I mean it so.
Speaker 4:I've seen some things and I've seen some things and I've seen some things online and I would say my final thing with this is just be careful online, because there is going to be an increase of cyber criminal activity. Protect your personal information. I know it's hard for all of us on this panel because we are. We have to put ourselves out because either we are independent creators or entrepreneurs, so we have to put and you have to have Blair has to have a portfolio, chris has to have a portfolio. But just as much as you can protect yourself by scrubbing your information off the internet, because, unfortunately, people are sick out there and people do not know how to again going back. Deal with their shadows, deal with their anger issues, deal with their jealousy and insecurities. Some, some of them are raised properly and they will use your personal information and dox you you to get back at you in some type of way.
Speaker 4:So, as we move forward, there's a lot of things with the AI Blair, chris, pj, protect your image, have your own digital stamp online. We're literally on strike for right now, thank you, because my concern is our voices. We use our voice for podcasting. I don't want anybody taking you know, and this. This is a technology. Now it is pretty good. Now it's going to even get better. I wouldn't want anybody taking my voice or any of your voice and cloning it and making it say something that is not in alignment with your ethics and values.
Speaker 4:So I would say to everybody out listening is protect yourself. Just because you're not a celebrity doesn't mean that you know you can go unnoticed. People are watching and paying attention and people are using everything, because if you are posting online, you are giving content for bad people to use and use against you. So my final note on all this is be mindful, be intentional and protect yourself, because it's going to even get worse. I don't mean to be doonsy about it, but people are being very crafty with technology and I don't want you guys, especially on this panel, in the, in the work that you do and with all of us do. I don't want you guys to be calm, and I definitely am on the side with Kristen Blair with this whole actor and actresses thing. You have to advocate for yourself. If you don't advocate for yourself, who's going to? Because you're going to find some way to get the most money off of anything and not include you in on the pie, and this is for anybody. So continue to strike, continue to do your thing, blair and Chris.
Speaker 1:What do we want?
Speaker 2:Contracts.
Speaker 1:When do we want them Now? Okay, so, daniel, is there anything you would like to like? Are you promoting anything that you would like to give any church announcements to?
Speaker 2:You know the doors are open. The second shut in list.
Speaker 1:I'm so glad you brought that up, because that's going to be.
Speaker 4:It's so funny. It is none like I have this. Actually, I'm in a rebirth process. Still. You can visit me on Instagram, danielle Holdman on threads. Danielle Holdman, I'm you know, I am there. I'm relaunching my business, I'm relaunching myself and I'm being more. I'm in the process of being more in alignment with my who I am and I'm in the I'm healing and I'm rebirning.
Speaker 1:ladies and gentlemen, Can we all just like? Who's listening out there? Just she said I am, I am, I am doing I am that I am.
Speaker 3:That is a decree from.
Speaker 4:God, that is one of my most sacred decrees from the divine that I keep sacred to me. I'll come, this decree I am.
Speaker 1:On that note, guys, thank you so much for taking the time to listen to another episode of Highly Motherfuck Imallinated the safe space where it is okay to disconnect, to connect, like that, right, I wrote that down. I wrote it down, as always, guys. You know, even though social media, you can follow us now when we'll mention at the end of the show, now, okay, at Highly Mellinated podcast on Instagram and TikTok.
Speaker 2:And you know, gmail email isn't necessarily social media, so feel free to engage in that. All the live long day at HighlyMellinatedPodcastcom.
Speaker 3:Or you can come on over to Twitter, formerly known as Twitter Now X. Come over and be safe. Wrap it up, like my girl, danielle, had said at h underscore MellinatedPi.
Speaker 2:Not be safe and wrap it up.
Speaker 3:Listen, you gotta make sure that your identity is safe.
Speaker 1:Oh, we're wrapping that up.
Speaker 3:See what was y'all thinking about.
Speaker 2:That's by what the it was.
Speaker 3:Hey, what was the magazine in the back of the bus boy?
Speaker 2:Okay, exactly coming from grandmother's house.
Speaker 1:On that note, guys peace, love and air grease. No, blue magic, Okay so blue blue blue, blue magic, peace, love and blue magic.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry, I was a pink girl kind of girl.
Speaker 1:Lusters, peace, love and protect your magic. Irl. Protect your identity.
Speaker 3:Protect your magic, protect your identity in IRL. There you go.
Speaker 4:Keep your business offline.
Speaker 3:Oh, okay, danielle has spoken.
Speaker 1:I ain't got no business, so I'm not sure if it's a good idea to make this video. And I also wanted to make sure because by the time you guys hear this episode, or at least the next episode after this it would have been our birthday for the one, the only, blair Tate.
Speaker 1:I don't do that. I wrote it down Literally. It is the first thing on my paper. I'm not going to tell you what date it is, because that's you know, that's her information, that we were going to protect her identity. But her birthday will have had past and we will have had a grand time with some spotted lantern flies, yeah.
Speaker 3:That's a big old spot and land you fly. Thank you, very much.
Speaker 2:Thank you everybody.